Silver Spoon Child Eating off a Paper Plate by MellarkandArt

“I still remember the last time I carried him and tucked him into bed,” Sirius said fondly. “He was so small back then…”

“He’s certainly grown up,” Remus agreed.

“Not enough,” Sirius muttered. “He’s skin and bones, Moony. It’s hard to believe that he turned fifteen just a couple days ago.”

Harry started trying to claw himself out of this memory, embarrassment crawling up his spine at the thought of Snape seeing this intimate moment with his godfather.

“He always seemed to be the smallest one in the classroom,” Remus recalled. “I knew he didn’t get along with his relatives very well. I don’t know why I never put two and two together.”

“Yeah, me either,” Sirius sighed, the hand on Harry’s head lifting and body standing from the bed. “If only things had been different…”

“Don’t go down that road,” Remus warned. “It won’t lead you anywhere good.”

“I know,” Sirius’ voice had grown more distant as he went to the door. “I just wish that damn prophecy had never been given.”

The two men exited the room and the bedroom door closed behind them.

Harry’s eyes snapped open.

Snape’s face looked ashen. “What was that about?”

“I- I don’t know,” Harry stuttered, freaked out by the freaked-out look on his teacher’s face. “Seriously, I don’t! I asked Sirius about it and he wouldn’t tell me. He pretended it never happened.”

Snape took a couple of breaths before he seemed to compose himself. It was almost frightening how quickly his switch could flip. “Perhaps it didn’t, then.”

Harry gave him an incredulous look. “Seriously? You’re going to do that, too? I’m not delusional!”

“Of course you’re not,” Snape said, almost placatingly. “But you were tired and emotional. It’s entirely possible that your mind made it up.”

It wasn’t, but Harry didn’t feel like arguing his point. Snape trying to manipulate him like Sirius had only further proved to him that the adults were hiding something major from him and it had to do with whatever this prophecy was about.

“Are we done yet?” Harry asked irritably. “I have a lot to do.”

“Such as?”

Harry really didn’t have all that much to be getting on with these days. He’d already reached the point of boredom that brought him to completing his summer homework and there wasn’t much more for him to do past that.

“It’s getting late, and I need to get up early to go to Diagon Alley tomorrow.”

“I highly doubt that,” said Snape. “Diagon Alley is not safe for you.”

Harry frowned. “I always go to Diagon Alley with Ron and Hermione for our school supplies. It’s fine.”

“You don’t always go with a fully formed Dark Lord on the rise, however. It is not safe.”

“It’s fine,” Harry said, rolling his eyes. “Dumbledore didn’t say I couldn’t go.”

“Professor Dumbledore. I’m certain he didn’t say that you could go either, and the headmaster is not your guardian. I, unfortunate as it may be, am, and I say you’re not going.”

Harry gaped. “You’ve got to be kidding me. Just- just because it says that on a piece of paper doesn’t mean you can tell me what to do!”

“I must point out that it means precisely that…”

“That’s bullshit,” Harry said, waving his arms in the air. “It’s not like you’re- this isn’t a real thing, it’s just a technicality, is all.”

Snape gave him a dark look. “I assure you that it’s very much a real thing. Tell me, how were you planning on buying your school supplies tomorrow without the list to get them? I know that you don’t have it, considering it was sent to me.”

“What- why would they have sent it to you?”

“Because, Potter, these letters are sent to your guardian’s house and I am your guardian. If the ministry seems fit to recognize it, why can’t you at the very least respect it?”

“Be-because, you’re- you. And I’m me. And this is just something you did as a favor to Dumbledore. It’s not a legitimate thing. It’s just a technicality.”

“You keep saying that,” said Snape. “You are free to view it however you wish, however, it does not change the fact that I have the final say on what you are and are not allowed to do.”

“Ugh, you’re such an arse!” Harry said, unable to stamp down his anger. “Every time I start to think maybe you’re not so bad, you-” he shook his head, turning away from the evil bat and marching towards the floo. “Whatever, I’m going.”

“Going where?” Snape demanded.

“Going back to Grimmuald Place, going to Diagon Alley, going wherever the hell I feel like!” Harry yelled, snatching up a handful of floo powder and throwing it into the hearth, hating that he had to actually announce where he was going before he could leave. “Grimmauld Place!”

Snape was two steps behind him, Harry barely had gotten himself sorted out before the fire was burning green again and the man stepped out behind him.

“Why are you following me?” Harry snapped. “You’re not welcome here so you’d best go back before Sirius sees you.”

Snape sneered. “I am not afraid of your sorry excuse for a godfather.”

“Well you should be, dog bites are nasty things!”

Snape raised his eyebrows at his evident ridiculousness.

“Whatever, just- just leave me alone for Christ’s sake!”

“Calm yourself, Potter. You are behaving as a child-”

Sirius came into the room then, glaring daggers at Snape. “Don’t talk to him like that,” he snapped.

“Would you prefer I speak to him as an infant? Snape asked snidely. “Because that is how he is behaving. Dear me, perhaps we ought to be sending the wee one off to bed now.”

“I’d prefer it if you didn’t speak to him at all,” Sirius responded coldly. “He only gets upset like this when you’re around.”

Snape raised his eyes to the ceiling. “Don’t lie to yourself, Black, his emotions are constantly spiraling out of control! Keep in mind that he is behaving like this because I won’t allow him to go Diagon Alley for his safety.”

“That’s bullshit!” Sirius said, echoing Harry’s recent words of outrage. “There’s nothing wrong with Diagon Alley. You just don’t want him to go because you want him to be miserable.”

“Yes, because my whole existence spans around making Harry Potter’s life miserable.”

“You’ve been doing exactly that for the past four years,” Harry muttered sullenly.

Snape snarled. “Everything I’ve done I’ve done for you. I might not have liked you, but I’ve still bent over backward for the sake of saving your sorry skin.”

“Well, I didn’t ask you to! I’d been absolutely fine without you!”

“You’d be dead without me. You would have fallen off that broom in your first semester if I hadn’t been there to stop it. Perhaps you should think about that next time you refuse to listen to me when I only have your survival in mind.”

“Maybe that’s the problem, you don’t care if I’m miserable or not, as long as I’m alive by the end of it,” Harry huffed.

“You’re correct. As long as you’re alive to see the end of this war I couldn’t care less about anything else. It is of the utmost importance to me.”

“How noble,” Sirius sneered. “It’s not like the kid asks for much. He’s going to Diagon Alley tomorrow whether you like it or not.”

Snape stood his ground. “No, he’s not.”

“If he wants to go then he’s going, James doesn’t need your permission for anything!”

Harry looked at Sirius, furrowing his eyebrows. Surely he had misheard.

“James is dead. Perhaps you should think more about what Harry needs rather than what your old pal would have wanted. They are not the same person.”

Well, clearly Snape had heard the same thing. Harry shifted uncomfortably, feeling a bit hurt by his godfather’s slip.

“I know that,” Sirius said stiffly.

“Prove it. You could start by learning his name.” He looked at Harry. “You’re not going,” he said firmly and then he turned to leave back through the floo.

“Fuck that,” Sirius said stubbornly once Snape was gone. “He’s not the boss of you.”

“Maybe he’s right,” Harry said quietly, feeling properly chastised now that he’d had a moment.

“Hey, I’m sorry, kiddo,” Sirius quieted himself. “I don’t know why I said your dad’s name. But I meant you, you know that right? I know there’s a difference.”

“Yeah, I know. It’s fine. It’s been a long day, I think I’m gonna go lay down now if you don’t mind.”

Sirius smiled tightly. “Of course I don’t mind, go ahead.”

Harry nodded. He went up to his sort of bedroom he was sleeping in with Ron, and wondered what it would be like to have a room of his own in a house he belonged in. He’d never experienced that and he was fifteen years old now so likely never would.

It made him sad.

Harry had felt a lot of different emotions lately, and sad definitely was one of them, but he’d never really allowed himself to wallow in it. The true devastating impact of just being sad, and not necessarily because he’d fought with Snape and because Sirius likely wished that Harry was James, but because he was fifteen and Harry Potter and his family hated him and he hated it and he was just sad.

Maybe he’d feel better if he actually took that potion that Snape had given him. He had taken the potion for a few days before deciding that it was unnecessary. He felt a bit bad about it as Snape was still giving him a new vial every few days, but thought it was best not to mention his decision to stop taking it to him as he might not agree with it. Instead, he stored the vials in his trunk. He wasn’t sure what he was going to do with them but he couldn’t just pour Snape’s hard work down the drain.

It wasn't like he needed it, anyway. He felt fine. Perhaps he had been a bit overly emotional for a bit but that was all over now. Nothing really mattered anymore. He didn't care. He was just a little sad at the present moment.

He laid down on his bed, briefly wondering where Ron was but not particularly caring. He wanted to be left alone right now anyways.

Harry wasn’t going to Diagon Alley tomorrow. He didn’t really even care that much, so he wasn’t sure why he had taken it so harshly. Maybe just the idea of not being allowed to do anything because he wasn’t normal. Maybe Snape being the only one who actually had the legal power to tell him no hurt because it didn’t even matter that he had the right, he didn’t want Harry any more than anyone else did. He was just a loose thread that kept being plucked out and thrown around.

Maybe this was karma for all his bad deeds. He had gotten his aunt and uncle captured by Voldemort after all, left his cousin without his parents. He had gotten his own parents killed. It was all his fault that everyone else was miserable so perhaps it was fitting that Harry should be miserable himself. Everyone who took Harry in ended up getting murdered by Voldemort so maybe it was for the best that Snape was such an ass. It wouldn’t be such a loss when the same fate inevitably reached him.

Maybe.

***

Everyone, even Dudley, was in Diagon Alley excluding Harry and Sirius, the two most miserable inhabitants who were trapped in the awful house. Sirius was in his room and Harry had smelt the stench of alcohol through the door again so decided to leave him alone for a while.

Sirius wasn’t allowed to leave at all. At least Harry could go somewhere, even if it wasn’t very pleasant.

“You didn’t go to Diagon Alley,” Snape stated without any preamble.

“I couldn’t have gotten away with it, could I?” Harry asked.

Snape smiled thinly. “No. But I was still expecting you to try.” He was sitting in the living room, fingers thumbing through some boring old book he must have found absolutely fascinating. Harry sat down beside him.

“I’m sorry I yelled at you yesterday,” Harry said quietly. “It was very rude and I was being very stupid.”

“It happens to the best of us,” Snape said. His lips thinned. “Perhaps I could have handled the situation with a bit more grace myself.”

Harry shrugged.

“Is your godfather not up to entertaining you today?”

“He’s busy entertaining himself at the moment, I think. I didn’t feel much like hanging around there.”

“So you came here of all places for peace? I should feel honored.”

“I don’t have many choices. I really am sorry,” Harry said again. “I don’t know why I’m always blowing up at people lately.” He swallowed thickly. “I just… I don’t know.”

“It’s quite alright,” Snape assured, looking like he felt very uncomfortable.

“It’s not,” Harry said, and left it at that.

Snape stood up and left the room without a word. Harry stared at the scratched-up hardwood floor of the living room. He wondered how old it was, how all those scratches had occurred. The floor at Privet Drive was in absolutely pristine condition and scratch free. Aunt Petunia would have tanned his hide if it wasn’t perfection.

“I know it’s not nearly as amusing as going to Diagon Alley with your friends, but you still need school supplies,” Snape said, coming back into the room with a box in his hands. He set it down on the coffee table in front of Harry. The lid was open and revealed fifth year textbooks.

Harry stared. “Are these… did you get my school supplies for me?”

“I ordered them. I told you they sent me your supply list. It’s a wonder that more parents don’t simply owl order their children’s supplies, it’s far more convenient than having to fight through the Diagon Alley crowds in the summertime…”

Harry felt his eyes start to mist up, and he stood up and went to the bathroom.

He shut and locked the door behind him, closing his eyes tightly. How could Snape just throw something like that at him? It wasn’t… they weren’t…

It was such a simple thing to do for normal people but Harry wasn’t normal and no one had ever done anything like that for him before and the fact that Snape was the one who did it…

Harry exited the bathroom and sat back down on the couch.

“I didn’t intend to upset you,” Snape said warily.

Harry shook his head. “You didn’t have to do this for me.”

“Someone had to. I felt that Black wouldn’t get out of his drunken stupor for long enough to consider it.”

Harry bit his lip, hard.

“Don’t cry,” Snape said awkwardly. “There’s no need to-”

“I’m not crying,” Harry said hoarsely, dragging his fingertips underneath his eyes.

“It appears as though you might be-”

“Well, you can’t just do nice things like this for me if you don’t want me to cry!”

“It’s not an act of kindness. It’s what any adult responsible for a child should do.”

“Well that’s more than anyone else has done for me,” Harry sniffled.

“It was no trouble.”

“Then why hasn’t anyone else done it?”

And that was the real question, wasn’t it? The reason why Harry was getting all weepy? No one else had ever cared enough to do something so simple for him, and why was that? Why didn’t anybody care about Harry? His general well-being wasn’t worth a second or even third thought to most of the people who claimed to care about him or were at least supposed to and it just hurt.

“It is not a poor reflection on you that the adults in your life have failed to treat you as the child you are,” Snape said as though reading his mind, which he now knew was entirely possible. They weren’t making eye contact, though. Harry was keeping his eyes trained on that horribly ugly floor. “That is entirely on them and not you.”

“Why does it feel like I’m the problem then? Maybe if I wasn’t so… you know, me…”

“I have been the most critical of you and yet I’ve managed to get my head out of my arse long enough to recognize that you are not the problem. You are a child. The weight of the world should not rest solely upon your shoulders.”

“It feels like it does though,” Harry said, eyes still downcast. He took a deep breath. “Everyone seems to think that I’m going to be the one to save us all from Vol- you know. And I just don’t think I can do it. More than that, I don’t want to do it. I just want to be a normal kid. I want to be at Diagon Alley, eating ice cream at Florean’s without a care in the world. I just want to be below average in more than just my grades.”

Snape snorted at his grade remark but didn’t take the opportunity to degrade him over it. “I assure you that you are a perfectly typical teenage boy that likes to sleep in and get into trouble. Perhaps your lifestyle is a bit different than most, but that is no fault of yours. It’s simply the hand you’ve been dealt.”

“Well I’m sick of it,” Harry muttered, scratching at his wrists.

“Your mother was always the anxious sort,” Snape said seemingly out of the blue. Harry didn’t say anything in response to that. Snape muttered a spell, conjuring something small into the air.

“I believe it was her mother who gave her this bracelet one summer. As far as I know, she wore it every day for the rest of her life.”

“Not too long then,” Harry couldn’t hold back the bitter remark. Snape didn’t comment, taking the moment to fasten the gold bracelet around Harry’s wrist. It featured a flat metal piece engraved with the word Lily on one side and Lilium on the other.

“The Latin word for Lily,” Snape said, noticing Harry studying it. “To pay homage to her wizarding heritage, I suppose.”

“I wonder what my name is in Latin,” Harry said without much interest.

“Vexare,” Snape responded.

Harry furrowed his eyebrows. “Do you speak Latin?”

Snape nodded. “I felt that it would aid me in furthering my education.”

“Did it?”

“There are numerous books that I would not have been able to read had I not known how to read Latin, and many social circles I could not have partaken in if I’d only known how to speak English, so I would say so, yes.”

“Do you know how to speak any other languages?”

“Not fluently.”

That was more than Harry knew. There were a few words in Spanish he was familiar with and of course the Latin spells, but other than that he was a regular Englishman. “What’s your name in Latin?”

Snape smirked. “Severus.”

“Oh,” Harry said, laughing a little. “What about English, then?”

“Officially it translates to severe, but that’s not exactly a name, is it? Severus is simply a Latin name.”

“Severe, huh? Well, that certainly makes sense…” Harry ducked sheepishly at the look Snape gave him, laughing more. He looked at the bracelet some more, admiring the details and appreciating the fact that his mother had worn it and Snape had given it to Harry to wear now.

“I feel like it’s my birthday or something,” Harry said awkwardly.

“Your required textbooks and something that should by all rights be yours anyway. You should have higher standards.”

Harry shrugged. Truth was, this was more than he’d gotten for his actual birthday most years. “Thank you, anyway. I know you don’t… Well, it is a big deal to me, so thanks.”

“It is no trouble,” Snape said again, and Harry hoped that one day he might actually be able to believe those words.