Harry could feel critical eyes on him.

Snape was watching him over the rim of his morning cup of tea. Quickly Harry focused on his porridge again, which was currently slowly making its descent from his spoon back into his bowl.

“You need clothes,” the man said decisively.
Harry ducked his head and scooped another spoon of porridge into his mouth. Around the hot bite, he mumbled, “It’s my Christmas jumper. Mrs. Weasley made it for me.”

Severus sighed. From the boy’s voice and his hunched shoulders, he could easily discern how much the simple garment meant to him. A sign Severus would have overlooked only yesterday. Regrets, regrets.
He cleared his throat.

“Be that as it may. It’s much too small.”
Self-consciously, Harry tugged down on the too short sleeves of his woollen jumper.
“He can borrow some of my clothes. I wanted to go over anyways,” Ben said helpfully.
Severus kept silent and observed the two boys eating their breakfast with a finger to his mouth.
After a moment, he said, “Alright Ben, but I think I should retrieve Mr. Potter’s things from his relatives as well.”
The boy in question stared at him as if he had grown a second nose. No thank you, he was quite content with the one he had.

“Cool, when are we going?” Ben asked cheerfully.
Severus cocked an eyebrow.
“We are not going anywhere. We will head to the local library where you two-“ he nodded at Harry and Ben from across the table, “- can entertain yourselves until my return.”
Harry opened his mouth as if to protest but Ben beat him to it.
“Great!” Smiling he turned to his friend, “Hey Harry, they might have some Tolkien books.”
Harry closed his mouth at Ben’s words and could feel those dark eyes on him again.
Severus was watching him closely as if he couldn’t believe Harry would read for fun if hell froze over but he decided not to comment on it.
He had vowed last night to desist in spewing forth his usual incriminating affronts at Pot- Harry and had just remembered in time. Old habits really died hard.

Pushing away from the table Severus said, “Bring me your dishes when you’re finished and be ready to leave in twenty minutes.”
With that, he turned around towards the sink and began running warm water for the washing-up.

Severus who had seen the drizzling mist through the window was already in the hallway lacing his waterproof shoes when he heard the hushed voices of the two boys drifting down to him.

“Come on, just ask him.”
“No!”
“Why not? Should I ask him for you?”
“No Ben, forget it. It’s not far anyway is it?”
“A mile I think.”
“See?”

The boys came down the stairs. Ben was the first, happily skipping the last steps, as he would do in his own home and landing at the bottom of the staircase with a dull thud.
Severus only raised a tired eyebrow too used to Ben’s sudden bursts of energy. Besides, all the houses here had the same layout, one of the few traces the former coalmine had left in the area.

Unlike Severus’ own hometown, the small community living by the sea had managed to transform the old pit area completely. The sooty smokestacks of Cokeworth were still looming darkly over Severus’ childhood neighbourhood.
It would be foolish to advise the boy from desisting as Severus was sure Ben had perfected the jump years ago in his own home, which was separated from Severus’ hallway by only a thin wall.
In this moment, Severus truly noticed the similarities between himself and Ben for the first time and it came as somewhat of a shock to him that he had never thought about it before.

They had both grown up in a former pit community. They both navigated the narrow chequered back alleys of the erstwhile worker’s terraces with ease. They both had experience with an alcoholic parent.
Severus had to close his eyes for a moment. Why hadn’t he drawn the connections before?
It was another problem, another regret he had to address. He would have to speak to Ben and soon.

Currently there was a more pressing issue standing on the bottom step of Severus’ staircase however, wringing his hands and shaking slightly.
Had Severus really not seen before?
The boy drew in a shaky breath as if to say something but didn’t, simply stepping on the ground floor and rounding Ben who was throwing on his rain-jacket.

Ben looked back and forth between Severus and Harry observing them through unhappy eyes.

“Is something the matter Ben?”
Severus decided to address him instead of Harry. It was easier for both of them. Harry seemed especially skittish around him and Severus simply didn’t know how to speak to the boy save to criticize him.
Coward Severus’ mind chanted at him and it sounded suspiciously like Lily.

Ben groaned.
“Fine then. Harry hasn’t got a rain coat and he doesn’t want to ask you for one.”
Severus turned to the boy standing at his front door who was glaring at Ben.
“Indeed.”
Severus went over to his coatrack and aligning the wand hidden in his sleeve slightly shot a nonverbal shrinking spell at one of his spare raincoats that he sometimes wore in the garden.
He took the shrunken coat from its peck and held it out towards Harry.
“Take it,” he added when the boy just continued to stare at him.

Carefully as if Snape would draw back the coat any second and mock him for believing that he would lend it to someone like Harry, Harry reached out a hand.
What was Snape playing at? Last week the man hadn’t cared one bit that Harry had gotten wet while working in his stupid garden. Probably Snape just didn’t want to look bad in front of Ben. They had bonded over Star Trek after all.
It was with surprise that Harry noticed a small strange twist in his stomach at this thought. Bizarrely, it felt like envy.

Shaking his head to clear away the treacherous thoughts he shrugged on the coat.
The fleece lining instantly warmed Harry and he smelled earth and wet plants on it. He nearly didn’t mind stepping out into the cold rain today.
Who would have thought a jacket from Snape would make him feel so… protected?
His eyes wandered to the yellow wellies sitting innocently in the corner by the door. He shuddered.

“Well, if you are quite ready we can set off,” Snape said impatiently.
And yet, Harry couldn’t discern any of the man’s usual sarcasm in the comment.

Over the course of the night, the skin on Harry’s foot had knitted itself back together with the help of the healing potion Snape had surreptitiously slipped him after dinner when Ben had his back turned on them filling Felix’ bowl with wet food.
The cat had ventured inside Severus’ house again after Ben and Harry’s arrival.
Severus was glad that Felix was back. He liked having the feline around even if he complained regularly to Ben about the cuddly cat.

He watched the two boys walking before him side by side, Ben leading the way to the local library.
How had they met?
Ben hadn’t answered Severus’ question but looking at them now Severus was sure they knew each other. From the first moment he had seen them together standing on his front step Ben holding a violently retching Harry with difficulty Severus had pondered their obvious intimacy.
They seemed to share a secret or at least there was some sort of story linking them.
It wasn’t just by a happy chance Ben had met Harry that evening and brought him back to Severus.

Severus considered this. Did that mean Ben had been at the juvenile shelter too?
He must have been. It was the only logical explanation of how the boys should have met before.
Why hadn’t he seen Ben when he picked up Harry that day? Was it merely bad timing?
His eyes travelled to the slightly dirty cast on Ben’s arm. How had that happened?
The boy hadn’t answered that question either.

When they arrived at the bulky building that was the local library Severus was abruptly torn from his thoughts.

“Alright,” he addressed the two boys, “I will return as soon as possible.”
He rummaged inside his coat and drew out a tattered little booklet. He held it out towards Harry.
“My membership card.“
Harry’s eyes went round. Slowly he reached out a hand to take the offered piece of paper. As soon as the boy had it, Severus took a step back.
“Tell Mr. Wilkinson that I am your uncle and allowed you to use it to borrow any books you might find interesting.”
If anything the boy’s big green eyes seemed to bulge out even more.
“The same goes for you Ben.”

“Should I tell him I’m your nephew too? ‘Cause we look nothing alike, you know?” Ben asked with a mischievous smile.
Severus sighed and just waved him off.
“I’m sure, you will come up with something, Benjamin.”
“Ben,” the boy immediately corrected him grinning.
Severus ignored him.
„Expect me back in two hours.”

With these parting words, he turned around and stalked off towards the next corner to apparate in the small back alley he knew was there.

The local library had a warm feeling about it. As if the warmth from bygone summer days had somehow charged the atmosphere of the place.
Upon entering, they were immediately greeted by the distinct smell of carpeted floor that had seen too many sunny days.

Harry looked at the rows upon rows of shelves stuffed full of tattered old children’s books and manuals for DIY projects such as gardening and automobile repair. In other bookcases stood folders, which by the looks of it contained the town’s complete issues of morning papers. And there, in the far away corner to the left stood a big shelf labelled “Fantasy & Science Fiction”.
Looking at Ben who only smiled at him, Harry motioned to the shelf and upon Ben’s nod, he made a beeline for it.

Arriving there, he started to run his fingers along the books in search of the author’s last names starting with “T” right away. Smiling at finding multiple books fitting his search category, Harry started pulling out a few of them.

A tap on his shoulder made him flinch. He turned and found Ben looking at him apologetically.
“Sorry, didn’t want to startle you Harry.”
Harry shrugged it off.
“Err- I’m going over there for a sec okay?”
Harry’s eyes followed Ben’s outstretched hand to the shelf titled “Sciences” and nodded slightly.
“Okay, just so you know where I am,” the other boy smiled at him and quietly left Harry who opened The Hobbit once more.
Maybe this time, he could finally finish the story.

With a small pop, just as loud as opening a fizzy drink, Severus Snape arrived in the back alley of Magnolia Crescent in Surrey.
Unfortunately, he remembered the dull single-family houses with the identically uninspiring front lawns and gleaming cars in the driveways all too well.
Oh, how he already looked forward to returning to the little coastal town he now called his home.

But first, he had to settle this matter. His mind wouldn’t stop badgering him otherwise.
Cautiously he approached Number 4 Privet Drive making sure his Disillusionment Charm was still firmly in place from where he had cast it earlier.

Severus had chosen this day with intent. It was Wednesday, an ordinary workday and he counted on Vernon Dursley to be at work. One bothersome person less to evade.
He was lucky, Tuney and the boy that was Harry’s cousin as Severus remembered from the Occlumency lessons, seemed to be out was well.
Severus took out his wand and rapped it wordlessly against the door. It sprung open.
With a glance over his shoulder to make sure no nosy neighbours were watching a door open and close of its own accord, Severus quickly slipped into the quiet house.

From his place over at the science section, Ben watched Harry browse the Tolkien collection of the library.
Since that evening, Ben had noticed Harry being more reserved towards him and it made Ben feel bad.
He didn’t know what motivated the change in their friendship. Looking at the other boy who carefully run his fingertips over the aged books Ben couldn’t help but worry about him. 

At least Harry’s foot appeared to have healed quite nicely.
Another curious thing that Ben added to the list that seemed to grow more rapidly in the last few days. Just how had not only Harry’s foot but his shoe as well repaired itself over night for example?
Now was not the time to confront the other boy because of that however.
There was another thing weighting on Ben’s mind as he made his way over to Harry his shoes barely making a sound on the soft, carpeted floor.

“Harry?” he asked, this time announcing his presence clearly. With a troubled glance, he noticed his friend flinching nonetheless. Another topic. For another day.

“I err- I wanted to ask you something,” Ben whispered.
“Uh okay?” Harry murmured back.
“Err should we borrow these books and wait outside for Severus?” Ben stalled.
Harry nodded and together they went over to the check out.
The middle-aged man didn’t so much as glance at them over the rim of his thick glasses as he wordlessly accepted Snape’s membership card.
Silently, Ben led them outside where he leaned against a wall near the entrance door that was protected from the still pouring rain by a roof overgrown with moss.

Harry came to stand beside him.
“You didn’t just want to ask me about lending these books did you?” he asked Ben looking askance at him.
Ben let out a breath of air he didn’t know he had been holding.
“No.”
There was a moment of silence enveloping both of them. Ben knew that Harry wouldn’t be more forthcoming than this. He had to dare the first step.

“Harry, I- please don’t misunderstand but is everything alright between us?”
Ben was inevitably reminded of this morning’s conversation with Severus. This would prove to be a lot more difficult than forgiving the professor however, Ben feared.

“Err- yes, why wouldn’t it be?” Harry asked evasively.
“It’s only that, I don’t know, you don’t talk to me anymore,” Ben said worrying his bottom lip between his teeth.
“What? I talk to you,” Harry said dourly.
“You don’t.”
Harry opened his mouth to disagree but Ben was faster.
“You know, since that evening you haven’t really said anything. We haven’t really talked. I mean, you know, in the shelter we talked. Not “talked” like now.”
Ben tried expressing the differences by stressing the two words and making quotation marks with his fingers.
Harry had to supress a smile. He really liked Ben.

“You know, I just I wanted to get help for you,” Ben continued, “I just wanted to help. I didn’t know- didn’t know about you and Severus. I didn’t- I just-”
“Ben!” Harry halted the other boy’s stuttering. “Ben it’s okay.”
Ben looked at him swallowing audibly.
“Ben I- look- I’m sorry. It isn’t your fault,” Harry said but it sounded insincere and hollow.
Ben furrowed his brow.
“But you can go back to your mother now,” Harry finished callously. He could feel the anger and fear from the night before wash over him like the waves that could be heard in the distance.
Ben stared at him incredulously.

“What? I don’t-“ he stammered.
“Don’t. Just don’t. I know you just want to stay with Snape because you don’t want to go home.”
“You’re right, I don’t.”
“So? What are you doing here? Asking me about if we’re fine? You don’t care anyway. Go away already!” shouted Harry just as he had done two days ago at the beach.

He couldn’t help himself. The crushing feeling that had him wanting to curl into the darkest corner of the world was back again. He was sick of staying with Snape and he was tired of being thrown from one shitty guardian to the next like a beach ball. He missed his friends. He missed Hedwig. He missed Hogwarts. He was stressed about what Snape would discover at the Dursleys and how the cruel man would use it against Harry.
Since the Potions master had declared he was going to get Harry’s things this morning, Harry’s mind had been working in overdrive. He had still tried to come up with possible excuses when Ben had readily agreed to visit the library.
Everything seemed to be decided already. Without Harry’s input of course, just as usual.
And now, everything just came back to Harry. He did the only thing that he could. He lashed out.
“What are you still doing hanging around your creepy neighbour? You have a home! Go away!”

Ben had gone pale at his words. His breath had quickened and he scrubbed at his cheeks.
“You know I won’t.”
“Won’t do what?” Harry spat.
“Go away,” Ben said quietly.
A tear rolled down Ben’s cheek and Harry looked away with shame.
He hadn’t wanted to sound that harsh but it was true. Ben could stuff his fake caring.
Seeing him now however, all happiness seemingly sucked out of the normally cheerful boy by a few simple words, Harry ducked his head and hunched his shoulders. This was his fault.

A sense of overwhelming helplessness washed over him.
His mind shut down. He couldn’t think, there was nothing in his mind anymore just a gaping void. He shivered but it had nothing to do with the rain still splashing down roughly on the pavement.

“Why not? Everyone else does.”
“Does what?” Ben asked quietly.
“Leave me.”
Cautiously Ben touched Harry’s hand.
He felt that the other boy was trembling and so he took his hand into his own.
“I won’t,” he repeated solemnly. “No matter how many times you say it, I’m not going away. Ever.”
Harry searched Ben’s eyes. There was something in them he didn’t see often. Maybe he had only ever seen it with Hermione and Ron. Or Sirius.
The brown eyes of the lean boy shone with something firm, something like a promise.

Harry looked away and stared down at his feet.
“I’m sorry. I thought-“
“-No, it’s okay.”
“No Ben, I’m sorry. I thought you just cared about escaping your mother for a little while longer and not for- for me.”
“There aren’t many people who care about you, are there Harry?” Ben asked astutely pointing out a suspicion that became more and more clear the longer he knew Harry.
The other boy kept silent. It was answer enough.

“I thought your uncle picked you up and that you were back with your relatives. I- I was worried. So I thought, that maybe Mr. Snape- Severus could help. Because he always helped before. So I came back here and well, it worked somehow right?” Ben recounted his thoughts simply.
Harry stared at him.
How could he have been so wrong about the boy’s motives?
Of course, Ben, kind Ben, wouldn’t betray a friend for his own needs. Needs that the boy should take more seriously, Harry thought now.
And here, Harry had thought that Ben just liked hanging around Snape’s. Instead, the boy had gone back, fearing to run into his mother who would send him straight to Military School, just to help Harry.
He cursed all of the deceitful nighttime thoughts that just had the nasty habit of distorting everything, of making everything seem so much harder, so much worse.

Harry didn’t know what to say.
“Snape really told the social workers he was my uncle,” was what Harry eventually settled on in an attempt to lighten the mood.
It worked. Ben laughed.
“Figures. You two do look alike you know.”
Seeing Harry’s scrunched up face he hastily added, “Must be the black hair.”
Harry snorted.

Severus had looked everywhere but had found nothing.

Down from the pristine living room with the little dog figurines on the shelf and the expensive looking television system, a far cry from Severus’ own outdated goggle-box, up to the two generous bedrooms he had searched everywhere. Not only hadn’t he discovered the boy’s school trunk but also he hadn’t found one single indication the Gryffindor lived here at all.

Currently, Severus was standing in front of a door he had previously ignored.
He inspected the different locks that had been screwed expertly on the wood. He counted no less than six separate locking systems: latches, padlocks, bolts.
You’ve got to be kidding me, he thought.
Someone had obviously gone on a DIY rampage here.
Either this was a very secure firearm locker or…
But no, surely not. This couldn’t be pampered Prince Potter’s bedroom.

Severus winced at his thought. Hadn’t he vowed to do better by the boy?
He sighed. There was nothing for it. He pulled out his wand again and had the locks undone in a wink.

The door squeaked when he opened it.
Upon entering, Severus immediately noticed the musty smell of the room as if there hadn’t been anybody in there for quite some time. He slowly turned his head letting his eyes rove over the bare walls.

There wasn’t much to see.
A slanting chest of drawers, a broken shelve that held even more broken toys, old, jiggered match box cars, books with obvious signs of wanton destruction, electronics in various states of damage, wires and cords hanging from them loosely.
His eyes came to rest on a lopsided desk.
An empty owl’s cage was pushed to one corner of it the remaining surface strangely void of anything except some broken paperclips.

Severus kneeled to look under the small single bed squeezing itself into one corner of the room.
Nothing.
Not even some sweet wrappings or old parchment as he would have expected. He sat back on his haunches and glanced at the scrap of paper pinned to the wall over the bed.

He squinted and leaned forward to make out the tiny letters printed on the crinkled sheet.
It was a kind of chart showing the months of July and August. Every single day was crossed out with a strong “X” right up until the 12th July.
Severus had to gulp down a certain sense of foreboding. It was the evening Dumbledore had alerted the Order that Potter had been missing.
The calendar ended on August 31st, the eve of the Hogwarts Express. The eve of returning to school. He frowned. What ordinary student counted the days until school resumed after the summer?

Severus was too well acquainted with all the preposterous excuses the students came up with for missing summer homework to know that the majority of the student body didn’t bother with their return to school until the day actually dawned on them.

This calendar didn’t quite fit with Potter. Or at least, it didn’t fit with the boy Severus had thought he knew. Just like so much else that had to do with the boy didn’t seem to fit together recently.

Carefully Severus peeled the calendar from the wall and slipped it inside his pocket.

Upon apparating back to the library, he found the two boys leaning on the wall under the entrance roof chatting amiably. They both held a stack of books Severus noted with satisfaction. Ben glanced up and discovered Severus who hastily made his way over to them through the downpour.

“I see you were successful,” Severus said nodding to the books that were stuck under each boy’s armpits.
“Yes,” smiled Ben. “Harry can finally finish The Hobbit and he found the Silmarillion too.”
Surprised, Severus regarded the boy.

Severus was intrigued. Tolkien had always been his favourite muggle fantasy author. Even if the story was quite spectacular and Douglas Adams certainly had a few good puns up his sleeve, he couldn’t even begin to compare to the great J.R.R.
Harry twitched under Severus’ scrutiny. 
“Excellent choice Mr. Potter.”
He ignored the thoroughly confounded look on the boy’s face.

“We have one more errand to run before we return home,” Severus continued.
Both boys looked at him curiously. Severus felt a small tug in his chest noticing the subtle differences.
Ben was watching him through the chestnut-brown eyes of his, his open gaze finding and holding Severus’ own gaze without difficult. Harry only glimpsed at him through his thick fringe from time to time, eluding Severus’ dark stare and avoiding direct eye contact.
Once, Severus would have criticized him for that habit but now he found that his heart wasn’t into it anymore.
His visit at the Dursley’s unearthed some disconcerting puzzle pieces and Severus wasn’t sure if he was the right person to put them together.

But there was one thing he could amend now without admitting to his own wrong doings.
The idea had occurred to him yesterday when he had been out to get some groceries.
After Severus had assured himself that the two boys where too absorbed in their board game to notice his absence, Severus had quietly left the house a shopping bag thrown awkwardly over his shoulder.

On his way back from the supermarket, he had encountered old Mrs. Marble.
She struggled with her own purchases and thus, Severus once again lend her a hand but kindly declined her offer of tea.
He had just turned to leave again when something crossed his mind.
And so it happened that he consulted Mrs. Marble about some good optometrists in the town.
As Severus had suspected, the old sturdy lady knew all about the two different local opticians and strongly advised Severus to go with someone the woman called “Jeff” instead of the store of a larger branch that had just opened in the city centre.

“We will visit Jeff,” Severus resumed putting as much emphasis on the absurd name as possible.
“Who’s Jeff?” Ben asked immediately.
“He’s an optometrist,” answered Severus and looking at the blank faces of the two boys he added, “He crafts glasses.”
“Are you already getting presbyopia?” Ben asked hiding a small grin.
“Why Ben, I wasn’t aware you knew such elaborate vocabulary. With your apparent aversion to reading you exhibited in the past, one would have thought you did not even know what a dictionary was.”

Harry watched them with increasing unease. If it were he Snape would have directed his words at, they surely wold have been meant as an insult. With big eyes, he watched Ben shrug them off easily.

“Haha, very funny Severus,” Ben said rolling his eyes.
“Indeed,” the man replied cocking an eyebrow.
“What about it?” Ben shrugged, “I like doing crossword puzzles.”
“Will wonders never cease,” Severus said pensively.

With a growing sense of surrealness, Harry observed the two of them.
Here was his mean potions teacher, standing in the drizzling rain of some picturesque seaside town bantering with a boy whom Harry now called his friend.
And as if the sight of his prime tormenter from school clad in jeans and a muggle raincoat wasn’t enough to send Harry’s poor heart into cardiac arrest Ben went and boxed the Potion master lightly on the arm.
Already picturing Ben’s funeral in his mind, Harry prepared for instant murder.
It never happened.

Snape just snorted and shoved Ben away with a friendly push.
“Let us proceed. Mr. Potter here needs new glasses if his constant squinting is any indication.”
That was more like it, Harry thought.
Yet, he couldn’t help but notice the odd absence of Snape’s characteristic sarcastic undertone. It had always been there, always. Since he first set foot in Snape’s classroom Harry had always been able to rely on the man in that regard.
The lack of vitriol only made him wary now.

“Gee Harry, I didn’t know you had glasses.”
“Lost them,” Harry mumbled in answer to his friend.
Severus sighed, a thing that he seemed to be doing a lot these past few days and refrained from pointing out that he had found the atrocious contraptions and had in fact returned them to the boy.
He started walking leading the two boys down the street. As it happened, the optometrist was just a few houses away from the library.

They passed the brick-built church and dodged some pensioners who were chattering animatedly with each other despite the rain. Soon the three of them were standing in front of a small shop. The sign hanging above its front window cheerfully proclaimed Jeff’s Optometry. Your friendly service for fine glasses since 1947.

Glancing at the writing, Ben sniggered.
“Try saying that three times in a row,” he whispered to Harry.
Harry looked at him expectantly.
Ben decided his friend could use a little cheering up. Since meeting up with Severus again, Harry seemed to withdraw into himself once more.
“Friendly service for fine glasses, friendly service for fine flasses, fenny service for fine flosses,” Ben stumbled over the words.
Harry smiled a tiny little smile but sobered instantly when he heard Snape snort derisively.

“Not to interrupt your ingenious conversation but I would like to return home somewhere in the near future.”
“Sure Severus,” nodded Ben.
Severus cocked his head at the two boys.
“Shall we then?”