Christmas Day

On Christmas day Harry woke to an empty dorm room. He started up at his canopy bed and simply existed for way too long. It was so quiet. Not one creak. Not one word. He was utterly absolutely alone. He was used to being alone surrounded by people, but this emptiness felt bereft. There was no one to put on a show for. Harry supposed he should appreciate that he didn’t have to pretend. The problem was without some kind of something pushing him, he really couldn’t even find the will to get out of bed.

Eventually, he dragged himself to the bathroom. There was a fleeting moment of awareness, where he considered taking a shower. But…

He would have to gather his things, and wait for the water to warm, and maybe get water in his ear, and dry off, and wait for his hair to dry off. And once he was clean shouldn’t he brush his teeth? And he couldn’t very well put on his Pyjamma’s, the ones he had been wearing for 3 nights, again once he was clean-which meant he would have to dig in his trunk for something to wear. And frankly nothing was as comfortable as these pyjamma’s. And who was he trying to impress anyway?

So, he didn’t take a shower.

Instead he went back to bed. The blankets wrapped around him like a bandage to his frayed mind. It was a good bed. The most comfortable one he had ever had. Harry could still remember his excitement when he got into it for the first time. An actual pillow that was fluffled wider than his hand, more than one. And a real mattress. Back then, it had been heaven. He supposed it still was. If he had to choose one thing about Hogwarts he liked best, it wouldn't be the magic, it would be the bedding.

So, he stayed in bed.

He told himself it wasn’t anything. It was just a time to indulge himself and this was exactly what he wanted to indulge in. Untempted by breakfast feasts and presents, Harry didn’t move from bed until 11am.

He would have stayed in bed even longer, but there was a squeaking noise that made him jump up. Right, he had promised Ron he would feed Scabbers.

“Sorry buddy. Getting your food now.”

The old rat scampered over at the noise of his food hitting the bowl.

“Now you stay here. As long as you’re in here, you're safe. I have to go feed Crookshanks now.”

It took way more energy than it should have to walk down to the common room to feed Hermione's cat. Crookshanks had been waiting for him and tried to sneak into the dorms when the door opened, but Harry shooed him away with his foot.

He glanced at the presents for him under the tree as he passed. There were 4 small packages; Ron, Hermione, Mrs.Weasley and Hagrid. On the way back to the dorm he grabbed Mrs. Weasley’s and left the rest.

Back in his bed, his sanctuary, he pulled on his new sweater and nibbled on some mince pies. It left crumbs on his bed and that would disgusted aunt Petunia, which made Harry all the happier.

Eventually boredom set in, but not enough to actually want to do something. It was a boredom without the motivation for action. He didn’t want to open the rest of his Christmas presents, and he definitely didn’t want to do more homework. Some part of him kind of wanted to go bother Snape, but the man surely wouldn’t be in his classroom today. Besides, it was too much work to put on clothes anyway.

Harry opened his trunk and glanced through his belongings. It was boring. All of it. And depressing. Just school books and some quidditch magazines. It was times like these that he wished the wizarding world had TV. But then his eyes fell on the Marauder's map. A sense of mischievous giddiness overtook him.

“I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.”

As the ink began to appear there was a squeaking. Harry glanced over at Scabbers. “It’s okay. Crookshanks can’t get you through the door. Go take a nap, you old thing.”

The rat squeaked again, but Harry ignored him. He flipped the paper around until he had a view of the dungeons. Sure enough, there was Snape, not in his classroom, but still in his quarters. Harry was surprised to note that he seemed to be alone, maybe the man would leave for Christmas dinner at a relative’s later. The professor had mentioned he had Christmas plans after all.

He glanced at the Slytherin common room and chuckled when he saw Markus Flint and someone named Sarah Everdale very close, almost on top of one another. Laughing to himself, he went in search of the Hufflepuff common room to see what else he could find.

Eventually, even spying on people became boring when he didn’t find any other salacious dots. Harry had spread the map wide now and it took up the majority of his bed. He sighed and leaned back, only to immediately jump up again.

He hurriedly scanned the parchment. Fudge was sure that Black was trying to get into Hogwarts, indeed, maybe even was hiding somewhere in Hogwarts. What if he used the map to find him? Heart pounding Harry checked more methodically now. He started on the left and worked his way right. He went to skip over the Gryffindor common room and stopped.

Most of the students had gone to the feast. One 5th year was in the girls' dorms. And there were the 3rd year boys dorms. He saw himself…

and Peter Pettigrew?

Every hair on his body stood on end. Harry jumped out his bed, upending the last 2 mince pies. He spun in place and looked around frantically. He saw no one. Even Scabbers had gone off somewhere.

Heart pounding Harry, pulled out his wand with one hand and grabbed at the pendant Snape had given him with the other.

Peter Pettigrew? Why did that name sound familiar?

“It was little Peter Pettigrew-another of the Potter friends..” Fudge's words suddenly came back to him.

“Pettigrew…that little boy who was always tagging around after them at Hogwarts?” Rosemerta had said.

But..he was dead? Wasn’t that what Fudge had said? Blown to bits by Black?

Harry leaned over the map again. It took him a moment to reorient himself and yes, There he was, and there it was clear as day. Peter Pettigrew.

Right behind him.

Harry spun, a spell on his lips. Nothing.

He felt nauseous. Something was wrong. He felt it in his bones. He turned to look back at the map. Maybe. He scanned for the Gryffindor common rooms again and his eyes froze for a second right outside the Fat Lady. A new name. One that conjured rage inside him like never before.

Sirius Black.

Harry was so distracted, he didn’t notice the arms wrap around him before it was too late.

One arm wrapped around his neck and the other ripped his wand out of his hand and threw it across the room. He felt the tip of another wand, Peter Pettigrew's wand, dig into the side of his head.

“Don’t move.” The voice was hoarse and quiet, like he hadn’t spoken in a very long time.

Harry froze in place. “Why are you doing this? Who are you?”

The arm tightened around his neck. “You saw the map, you know who I am, boy.”

“Pettigrew? Aren't you dead?” said Harry. His mind felt sticky. His eyes frantically tried to look at the map again. He was sure he had seen…

The door bust open.

Before them stood the dirtiest man Harry had ever seen. Clothes that were no better than rags, long lanky unwashed hair, and crazed eyes that were focused on him.

“Black!” Harry instinctively lunged for him.

It didn’t matter that he didn't have his wand and that he was 13, he was going to rip Black apart with his bare hands.

But the man holding him captive had other plans. He held Harry in place, pressing the wand into his head so hard that it would probably bruise. There was a hissing and yowling from the door and Crookshanks ran into the room.

“I said don’t move, Potter!” screamed Pettigrew.

Pettigrew tightened his hold on Harry’s neck. After a moment he jerked his wand to cast a stupify that hit Crookshanks and made him fall sideways. Harry watched helplessly.

Black’s face slowly transformed into a twisted smile, filled with madness. “How lovely to see you again, Peter. Just the rat I was looking for.”

Black began to walk into the room; His steps measured. He held up a wand and pointed it towards them.

“Careful, Sirius,” cautioned Pettigrew. “You wouldn’t want me to hurt the boy.”

At this, Black stopped. The bastard probably wanted the joy of torturing him all to himself, thought Harry. His mind was taking on a loud screaming noise.

The man who had killed his parents was right there. He needed to take revenge, but what the fuck was Pettigrew doing? And how did he get out of this one. If only there was someone who could help.

Wait.

Harry reached up and frantically pulled at the collar of his shirt. Pettigrew seemed to think he was trying to pull his arm away, and tightened his grip dangerously. Gasping for breath Harry pulled out the chain, fumbled for the pendant and pressed it.

Nothing happened.

“Let him go, Peter,” exploded Black “ This is between us.”

Frantic, Harry began kicking his legs out. His aim rang true and Pettigrew cursed as his foot connected with his shin. The grip on his neck became even tighter and Harry’s vision began to swim.

“Stop mo-”

Harry kicked out again.

Pettigrew cursed under his breath. “Stupi-”

Black lunged, forcing Pettigrew back and making his shot go wide. Harry took advantage of his momentary surprise and pulled himself free. He lay on the ground for a moment grasping for breath, watching as Pettigrew and Black fought each other.

There was a bang, and suddenly, Pettegrew seemingly disappeared. Black screamed with such rage, that for the first time Harry realized that Black was a fully grown dark wizard out to kill him.

Screaming and cursing Black had started running around the dorm room apparently set on destruction. He flipped over Seamus’s bed and was going for Ron’s, when Harry regained his strength. He should probably run. Who knew if Snape was actually coming? But his logical mind was gone. In its place was a rage like he had never known before. He still didn’t have a wand, but somehow that didn’t even matter.

Screaming his own battle cry, Harry ran forward and jumped on Black back. He wrapped his arms around his neck and squeezed for all he was worth. He became a rabid thing, kicking, and cursing and scratching with one goal- Hurt Black as much as possible.

Unfortunately, Black seemed undeterred by his ire. He jerked his back as if to shake Harry free, but otherwise continued his destructive spree. He flipped Ron’s mattress off the bed in one movement. The man looked like he could have been snapped in half and should have been weak as a baby after weeks on the run, but instead he seemed fueled by an unnatural strength.

Black finally paused in flipping beds and seemed to realize that he had a wand. He muttered a spell and Scabbers came flying out from under a bedside table. Black caught him with one hand and held him upside down by the tail, whispering a spell all the while. After a moment the rat went still, and Scabbers hung from his fingers like a perverse trophy.

“What did you do to Scabbers, you Bastard!” screamed Harry. Kicking again, harder now.

Black let out a chilling laugh. “Yes! I have you, you son of a bitch!”

“Not if I don’t get you first!” yelled Harry.

There was a bang as the door to the dormitory was thrown open. Snape stood in the doorway, looking frazzled as if he had run there. His wand was pointed directly at Black's head.

“Snivellus?” Said Black, incredulously.

Snape's mouth twisted in disdain and there was no hesitation as he yelled out “Incarcerous!”

The rat fell from Black's hand as ropes sprung forth from Snape's wand to incapacitate him. Harry let himself fall off his back and landed unceremoniously on the floor. Thick ropes were methodically wrapping up and down Black’s body until, in seconds, he was laying on the floor wiggling like a worm. To Harry’s delight he saw that the man had also been gagged. Snape wordlessly made Black's wand fly to him. He looked frantically between Snape and Scabbers.

“I will so enjoy handing you over to the dementors.” hissed Snape.

After two and a half years of potions class Harry had thought he knew exactly how Snape looked at someone he hated, but clearly he had been wrong. The level of hatred and disgust on Snape’s face oozed into every part of his being and came off him in waves of loathing.

And Harry smiled. This was exactly what he had been waiting for. He scrambled onto his knees and began searching for his wand. His mind rushed though every hex that he knew. Which one should he cast first?

“How I hoped I would be the one to catch you,” said Snape, wand trained on his prey. “I want a front row seat for the kiss. Nothing will bring me greater pleasure than seeing the light leave your eyes.”

Giving up on finding a wand, Harry stood and circled back to stand by Snape. A strange feeling was overtaking him. The past 5 days he had done nothing but dream about catching Black, and now the time was finally here. The man who delivered his parents to Voldemort lay prostrate before him.

It was time for Harry to take his revenge.

Harry stepped forward and put everything he had into an almighty swing of his leg. His foot collided with Black's stomach and the man let out a strange gasping noise. Before he could curl into himself, Harry swung again, and again. His mind lost to the desire to hurt Black.

After the third kick he felt someone's hand on his shoulder. Right, he had forgotten Snape was there. The man was pulling him back and looking at him with…concern? Harry glared and stepped away, crossing his arms. He didn’t know what Snape was playing at, but Harry had only begun his retribution.

“Let’s hear what the traitor has to say for himself,” said Snape. “Look into the eyes of the child you orphaned and explain. EXPLAIN YOURSELF.”

“You-you- have to listen to me!” Black’s face had gone pale. “The rat! Look at the rat! It’s Peter. I swear. Harry tell him.”

Harry was not in a forgiving mood. He rushed forward and kicked Black again. As Black groaned he spat on him for good measure. “Fuck off! you disgusting piece of shit!”

“Wha-” Black lay gasping on the floor. He stared at Harry in confusion. “It’s Peter. Please…Snape.Severus. It’s Peter. He was here minutes ago. He’s transformed again. You have to believe me.”

Harry was back to scanning the room for his wand. Simply kicking Black was not going to satisfy him enough. He had read this one spell and if he could pull it off…well Black wouldn’t be able to talk though the pain.

“I don’t have to believe a word out of your mouth,” snarled Snape.

“You do if you want to protect Harry!” shouted Black. “ Peter, he was an illegal animagus. A rat. Ask Harry, he was here. I’m not- Please-”

Snape looked bored. With the tip of his shoe he gently kicked at the unconscious rat. “Potter, was there anyone else here?”

“There was someone else here. But, isn't Pettigrew is dead?” Said Harry distractedly. “That’s Ron’s rat, Scabbers though.”

He glanced under Dean's bed and almost screamed in joy. His wand! Harry snatched it and jumped to his feet.

“There was someone else here?” said Snape sharply.

“Not someone!” yelled Black “Peter! Please. He’s an animagus!”

“SHUT UP!” screamed Harry. He pointed his wand directly at Black’s head. He was gripping it so tightly his hands were turning white. “What does it matter? Black’s the one who killed them. He’s the one we’re after. He’s the one who’s going to pay!”

Black’s face seemed to pale even more. He tried to move again and just succeeded in flopping on the floor like a fish.

“You- If you knew the truth. Please,” said Black, becoming a bit more frantic. He looked to Snape. “Legilimize me.”

“I have no desire to be in your head Black,” said Snape.

Harry smiled viciously. The blood was rushing in his ears. “What curse should I use?”

The giddiness in his own voice scared him a little. Just a little. Not enough to stop.

Snape seemed to pause. His eyes became slits as he further took in the scene before him. “Potter, was Pettigrew here?”

“Maybe. That’s what he called him at least.” Harry shook his head. “It doesn’t matter.”

Harry began to move his wand to incant, but Snape placed his hand over Harry’s stilling his movements.

“Don’t be a fool. If Pettigrew was here, that is noteworthy, since he should be dead.” Snape once again prodded at the rat on the floor.

“I don’t care,” seethed Harry “I want my revenge. NOW. You promised me.”

Snape didn’t seem the least bit moved. In fact, he pushed on Harry’s wand arm until his wand pointed at the ground.

“Legilimize me Snape,” begged Black. “Please…if you don't, James and Lily’s real murderer will still be out there. And he’ll be back for Harry. Please!The Rat- Look at the rat. Please!”

“Silence,” spat Snape at Black. He spun on Harry. “Potter- Don’t. Move. Contain yourself.”

Harry glared back, but he didn’t dare lift his wand again when Snape's voice promised detentions until the end of his Hogwarts days.

The potions master walked over to stand near the rat, next to Harry's bed. He waved his wand over the animal and whatever he found made his eyebrows almost touch his hairline. He looked up, scanning the room; for what? Harry didn’t know. Seeing something, Snape walked towards Harry’s bed and started down at the bit of parchment that lay there, still open.

“Potter, what is this?”

Oh. No. The Marauders Map. He had left it open! Crap. Snape would definitely take that.

Seeing no way out of this, and sensing that Snape was not in a very charitable mood, Harry conceded defeat. “It’s a map of the school.”

“It show’s people?” questioned Snape sharply.

Harry gulped. “Yeah.”

“The map! The Marauders Map! It never lies!” said Black.

There was a hint of hope in his eyes that Harry didn’t like. “I told you to shut up. Forget again and I’ll blast you to bits.”

Snape stalked towards them wand raised at Black. He bent down and placed his wand right between the traitors' eyes. Harry smiled at the look of terror in Black gave him.

“Legilimens.”

Harry’s smile faded as nothing more dramatic than an eye staring contest seemed to happen. The professor stood still staring down unblinking at the convict for much longer than was normal. When the spell was finally released Black seemed to wilt into the floor, sweat decorated his brow as if he had just run a marathon.

“You idiots,” snarled Snape.

The professor was ignoring everything in favor of inspecting the rat now. He leaned down and hissed a long latin phrase. Scabbers became engulfed in blue light, twitched and lay still again.

“I cannot believe Lupin did not inform anyone. The idiocy is astounding. Although, I suppose, I should not be surprised.” Snape was conjuring a small metal box now.

“Hey!” said Harry. “ Professor Lupin’s really nice.”

“Of course you would think so,” said Snape in derision.

“Remus is a teacher now?” said Black, his eyes were assessing Snapes movements. “And you teach? Let me guess- Potions.”

Snape ignored Black, in favor of roughly placing scabbers in the box he had conjured.

“That’s Rons’rat-Scabbers,” said Harry, in confusion.

“Man education at Hogwarts is not what is not what it used to be.” All the tension had left Black’s body. If it weren’t for the ropes, he would have looked like a man who had just decided to lay down on the ground for a nap.

Harry’s every muscle tensed. He felt hot all over. How dare Black relax on the ground and make small talk.

“I said SHUT UP!” He spun and landed another kick to the man before Snape stopped him.

“Potter, I distinctly remember telling you to contain yourself.” Snape’s ironclad hand on his shoulder was pulling him away from a gasping Black.

Harry spun on Snape. “How dare you! You promised me revenge! You’re just going to let him lay there and have a rest. What is wrong with you! Make him pay!”

Snape held up the cage. “Stop and think for one moment, you simpleton. This is no mere rat. This is Peter Pettigrew in animagus form. That means that Black here did not kill him. When I legilimized him I further found out that Black was never your parents' secret keeper. That honor went to Pettigrew. He is the one who betrayed your parents.”

Harry’s mouth opened and closed as his mind worked to think that all though. “Pettigrew was my parents secret keeper? But-No- everyone said it was Black…”

“Well, we didn’t want people to know it was Peter.” Black glanced at him wearily, as if worried he would be kicked again. “It was easy enough to let everyone think it was me, and lure them away from Peter. When I found out what he’d done- well I wasn’t about to let that stand. He knew I would kill him for his betrayal, so he faked his death. Yelled out a whole bunch of crap, transformed into a rat and framed me for it. The Aurors weren’t that interested in my version of events. It’s not like anyone even knew Peter was an animagus.”

“What’s an animagus?” said Harry.

Snape rolled his eyes. “The education at this school does seem to leave something to be desired. It is when a human can transform into an animal. I believe you have seen Professor McGonnagall transform into a cat?”

“Does she still do that trick on the first years?” said Black “Always scares at least a few muggleborns.”

Harry ignored Black. “So Pettigrew betrayed them.”

Snape nodded. “Yes.”

“As nice as this is, think you could let me out of these ropes now Snape?” said Black. “Now that we know I’m not trying to kill Harry? My back isn’t what it used to be and this position’s making me ache something fierce.”

Snape hesitated a moment, but then waved his wand. The ropes dissolved into nothing and Black stood up gingerly.

Harry’s eyes locked on the cage. “Are you kidding me?! You mean to tell me that Ron’s rat is actually the man who betrayed my parents? I’ve been living with him for more than two years!”

Black made a face. “That is rather disturbing.”

Harry reached for the cage, but Snape moved it just out of reach.

“Give it to me, ” hisssed Harry.

Moment of confusion over, the rage was coming back, fiercer than ever. So, Black had been the wrong person to go after, but they had Pettigrew. They had the culprit and Harry intended to make him pay. It would be so easy to squish the rat where he lay unconscious. No, that wouldn’t be satisfying enough. He would make Snape revive him and then let fly. He wanted to see the pain in his face.

Snape and Black shared a look that reminded Harry all too much of the coordinated lecture from Ron and Hermione.

“I don’t think that’s wise, Potter.” Snape’s eyes were hooded with concern. “We need the rat alive.”

“He killed them!” yelled Harry. To his horror he could feel tears gather in his eyes. “He deserves every bit of rage I’ve got. I told you, Professor, I want to see him ripped limb from limb. Just because it’s Pettigrew now hasn’t changed that.”

“Believe me, Potter, a sentence Azkaban is worse than any hex you know.” Said Snape, He moved the small cage even further from Harry.

“It is,” whispered Black.

Harry shook his head. He couldn’t fail his parents like this. The man who killed them was right there. Every nerve ending in his body screamed vengeance.

Harry lunged forward. “GIVE HIM TO ME!”

But rather than grab the cage, he ran right into Black. “I can’t let you do that, kid. That rat is my ticket to my freedom. No one will believe me without him alive. I’m not going back.”

Harry struggled against him for a moment. He tried to reach around, to gain the upper hand, but is was not use. Malnourished though he may be, Black was still a good foot taller. Even if he got past Black, there was no way he would get passed Snape. The potions master was watching Harry with cold, impassive eyes.

A feeling of helplessness washed over him. He couldn’t exact his revenge. He had failed. Waves of misery crash down. Harry’s breathing grew jagged. Skin clammy, body shaky. The adrenaline was gone, and in its place was an emptiness that he didn’t know how to handle. The tears finally spilled onto his cheeks and to his horror he began to cry. Big ugly gasps, the likes of which he hadn't allowed himself in years.

Strong arms wrapped around him. Black was pulling him closer into an embrace. Harry weakly pushed away, more out of habit than anything. He had no memory of a hug like this, ever. But the man just held on tighter, hand coming up to rub Harry’s back in a way that made him sob. He could see Snape looking on, face no longer impassive and instead full of concern.

They could have been there minutes or hours, all Harry knew was that he couldn’t make the crying stop. Once it had started, it simply needed to all come out. Neither Snape or Black said anything, which Harry was thankful for. But finally it calmed down to a manageable hiccup.

“That’s it.” Said Black, leaning away a bit so he could see Harry. “I know this is a bit weird, but I don’t suppose you know I’m your godfather?”

Harry laughed and nodded. “Yeah.”

The transformation a smile could make was truly astonishing. Black’s eyes glittered with a new kindness and beneath all the grime he could see a glimpse of the man from the photograph of his parents' wedding day.

“Wait,” said Harry. “Does- Does that mean I’m going to live with you?”

The smile fell from his godfather's face. “No. I wouldn’t think so. I’m not going to rip you from the only family you’ve ever known. Besides’ not really sure I’m quite fit to take on a kid right now.”

Something twisted in Harry. He thought of saying how much he would like to be taken away from his family. But all that came out was a muted “Right. Of course.”

Snape caught his eye then. The man was positively staring. He didn’t seem the least bit concerned about inserting himself into a private moment.

“Time to see Dumbledore,” said Snape after a moment. “I would like Madame Pomfrey to give you a check over too, Potter.”

“I probably need a check too,” said Black, wincing as he touched his ribs. “Remind me never to get on your bad side Harry.”

Harry muttered a ‘sorry’ as they began walking through the common room. Snape led the way, hawk eyes turning back every few steps to seek out Harry; as if checking that he was still there in one piece.