"Everything," Harry groaned. "You...you..."

"Yes?" Snape asked. Even if Harry could remember what happened, he was sure he could pass if off as nothing. It wasn't as if he'd directly asked the boy what he thought of him.

"I would have told you if I didn't want to be here. I...I can't believe I thought you were Sirius," Harry said.

"You were delirious. People think weird things when that happens," Snape said awkwardly.

Harry didn't know what to say.” I uh...I." Harry started feeling he had to explain things.

"I'm sorry, once again, about your godfather. What about Lupin though? Have you talked to him since it happened?" Snape asked curiously.

"No..." Harry said darkly. "I don't want to talk to him." Harry's hand began to shake again.

"Why not?" Snape asked, surprised at Harry's tone and his answer.

"Because I don't," Harry said. His hands were shaking more.

"Did he do something to make you feel this way about him?" Snape asked, clueless as to why Harry seemed so passionately against the man who had once been his favorite teacher.

"Yes! Of course he did something!" Harry said jumping out of his seat and once again pacing with shaking hands. "He...he...he...HE HELD ME BACK! I could have gone after him if it weren't for Lupin!" Tears were coming out of his eyes. "I can't believe that bastard. Stupid werewolf. What’s wrong with him?" Harry yelled.

"Of course he held you back!" Snape said incredulously. "There was nothing you could have done. You would have died if you had dived in there after him!"

"SO WHAT? I WOULD HAVE SAVED HIM AND HE WOULDN’T BE DEAD!" Harry suddenly stopped yelling. He was sick of how he felt. He wanted to stop shaking. "Professor, I NEED IT!"

"No, Harry, you don't need it," Snape said firmly. "And there was nothing you could have done for your godfather. I've seen the situation played out through our Occlumency sessions, and there was nothing you could have done."

"I need it now!" Harry warned.

"You can't have it, I'm sorry, Harry. This is perfectly normal for you to feel like this, but you need to resist it, okay? You're strong. You can do it. The craving will pass," Snape said.

"Professor I need it! You don't understand it. I have to have it!"

"I do understand that you feel that way, Harry, but I can't let you have it. That's part of the whole deal and I'd be letting you down if I gave it to you. This craving will pass; you just need to make it through it."

"No! UGH! I NEED IT! I need it!" Harry sobbed. He could feel his magic bubbling. His hands were shaking terribly and his head hurt.

"Harry, you can do it, you just need to get through this and it will pass. For every one you get through it, the next one will be a little better," Snape said, a little worried at the desperation written all over Harry's face.

I can do it. I can do it. Harry tried to keep in his emotions. He felt like he would explode if he didn’t get Skillith that second. Harry closed his eyes and tried to get in control when without meaning to; out of Harry’s fingertips there came a big yellow explosion.

Snape saw a flash of yellow before everything turned black.

The reins of the explosion dispersed and Harry realized what happened. Snape was knocked out on the floor and everything on the shelves and tables were knocked onto the floor. This was his chance. He ran upstairs and went into Snape’s room. The only place he hadn’t checked was the locked closet. He rammed into it three times. Everything was happening so fast that the only thing he was thinking about was getting the skillith, and if he could the alcohol. He finally got the door open and buried behind blankets and shelves of potions he found the bag of skillth. He poured it out into his pockets taking every last bit and then found a notebook next to Snape’s bed. He ripped a piece of paper out and rolled it up with the skillith inside and got the lighter from the bottom of the skillith bag, lit it quickly, and took a deep breath of it. He locked himself in the bathroom and waited for the drug’s side effects to take place. He became relaxed immediately. He then started to hallucinate but was used to it by now.

Snape groggily came to his senses, trying to remember what had happened. He looked around the room. It was completely trashed. He suddenly remembered Harry's magic exploding and jumped to his feet, searching frantically for the boy. When he couldn't find him, he quickly raced to Harry's bedroom and then to the bathroom. The door was locked, so he cast a quick "Alohomora" and opened the door.

Since the Skillith was a magical substance he was brought about a foot up off the ground. Big bubbles, different colors started to float around Harry. He reached out and popped one, and then another. He didn't notice Snape was had come in the door. He popped another bubble and a wave of pleasure filled him.

Snape watched Harry as he giggled and poked at the air. He shook his head in disappointment and entered, kneeling down by the boy. "Harry?" he called, snapping his fingers in front of the boy's face.

Harry looked at Snape a purple bubble wrapped around him. He popped it and laughed again. "Snapey!" Harry said in a drug induced daze.

Snape frowned at him and pushed his hand away as the boy was poking at some imaginary thing in front of him. "Harry, where's the rest of the Skillith?" he asked dejectedly.

"Oh, you want some?" Harry asked in a strange giggle. Snape grabbed the skillith out of Harry's hand. That meant Harry couldn't take another puff. He popped another bubble and screamed in pain. It always hurt so badly when he didn't have more.

Snape immediately took the powdered drug and dumped it into the toilet, flushing it down and throwing the empty bag away angrily. He looked at Harry when the boy screamed and figured it must be part of a hallucination. He knelt back in front of the boy and snapped in front of his face to get his attention. "Harry, come with me," he instructed. He stood up and held out his hand to help the boy up.

Harry followed him popping the yellow bubbles on the way then giggling. Whenever he popped a red bubble he screamed in pain. He suddenly threw up right where he was.

Snape shook his head once again and called a house elf to please clean up the mess. He grabbed Harry's wrist and pulled him along.

Harry skipped along feeling the effects of the drug start to fade. He felt dizzy but he followed the professor who was floating in a bubble anyway.

Snape led Harry to his room and sat him on the bed the boy had slept on the previous night. The only thing he could do was wait until Harry came down from his high, and even then, he had no idea what he was going to do.

Harry collapsed back on the bed and looked at the pretty bubbles. He didn't have the strength to pop anymore. He just stared at the bubbles. Slowly his normal conscious state came back. Shit...he had taken the drug. Snape would be pissed. As the bubbles faded Harry looked around the room to see Snape sitting on the foot of the bed. Harry stared at him blankly.

Snape looked up at the boy's blank stare, wondering if he was still high or not.

"Oh...oh my gods," Harry whispered and laid back on the bed in shame. Terrible, terrible shame.

"Are you proud of yourself?" Snape asked coldly.

"I...I...oh my god," Harry got up and went to the bathroom. He turned on the sink and ran cold water. He put his hand under the faucet and splashed his face with the cool water. He leaned on the sink and stared into the mirror in disgust and helplessness.

Snape leaned against the doorframe of the bathroom, studying Harry coolly. "I destroyed the drugs. I'm going to have the house elves get rid of any alcohol in the house and I've already destroyed the cigarettes," he informed him with a frown.

Harry looked at Snape with dead eyes. He didn't know what to say. How could he? How could he after Snape trusted him!

Snape checked his watch. "It's lunch time."

Harry nodded with his head down and followed Snape out of the bathroom and to the dining room. He sat down in any random seat and kept his head down.

"I can't say I'm not disappointed in what you did, but at least it can't happen again. I should have destroyed it earlier," he said in a cut tone, not looking at Harry.

"I...I...I can't believe it. I don't know what happened. I just...I don't know. I'm sorry," Harry said and put his head down on the table.

Snape looked at him and sighed. "It's all right. I didn't realize you were so strongly addicted. I just hope that from now on you let me help you through the withdrawals rather than running off for an easy fix, not that there are any in this house, but we need to get it under control before you get back to Hogwarts where there will be more temptation and availability of quick fixes, understand?"

"I understand," Harry said and he picked up his head to look at Snape. "I'm so sorry," Harry whispered. "I don't know what happened. It was like it wasn't even me in control. I wanted it and...and I would do anything to get it. I don't know what happened. I can't believe you saw me like that. I can't believe it," Harry repeated.

Snape's anger quickly disappeared and was replaced with sympathy. "It's okay. It's a strong addiction and it's going to take a lot of work to fix it. And I'm prepared for the ugly parts of this, so don't be so worried about how I see you. Nobody else will see you like that if we can get control over this."

"Professor, how...how long is this going to take? I mean, we go back to school in three weeks..."

"Well, it'll probably take a little bit over a month, which means that you'll be in Hogwarts for the tail end of it, but so will I. If we start doing this now, it shouldn't be as bad by the time you get there, you'll just have to make sure you don't fall back on it or everything we worked for will be gone"

Like I did today?" Harry asked in deep shame.

"Exactly! But hopefully by the time you have to go back to Hogwarts, we'll have it a bit more under control," Snape said, hoping it was true.

"What happened when I was err...drugged anyway?" Harry asked as food appeared on the table. There were sandwiches.

"You acted like a drooling idiot, basically," Snape said harshly.

"Oh..." Harry said and bit fiercely into his sandwich.

"Yeah, it's not a pretty sight and I'm sure you wouldn't want your friends to see you like that," Snape said, cutting his sandwich into small pieces so he could eat it with a fork.

"Actually they have once..." Harry admitted. "Ron thought I was drunk..."

"Well, I can assure you that you do not want them seeing you like that again if you want to hold their respect," he said. "And, by the way, you will be punished for going back on your promise," Snape said matter-of-factly.

"Oh..." Harry said almost as if he expected it. "Um...what is my punishment?"

"Well, you basically destroyed the living room and your room and my closet, so I'd say cleaning it all back up is fair, and fixing my closet door. All without your wand, of course."

"That's fair," Harry said still feeling deeply depressed. He wanted a drink, cigarette, something! But he couldn't say that to Snape. What would he think of him? He had just gotten high off of a terrible drug.

"You can start after lunch," he said. "By the way, I want you to come to me if you start feeling the cravings again, alright?"

"Cravings for what?" Harry found himself asking.

"Skillith, cigarettes, alcohol, anything bad for you," Snape listed, suspicious of the questions

"Oh well, then...I am now..." Harry said and took another bite of his BLT.

"For anything specific or just something in general?" Snape asked calmly.

"Not skillith," Harry stated darkly.

"So, cigarettes? Alcohol? Both?" he prompted

Harry nodded.

"I'll be right back, don't go anywhere," Snape said, disappearing into the kitchen.