Harry almost felt a little ill. He told himself that Snape was attempting to help him. That almost anything would be better than staying with the Dursleys. Still in the back of his mind he felt panic attempting to overtake him. What if Snape was only pretending to be civil? What would happen once Harry agreed to stay with him? Would he be locked away in some dark corner of the manor? Dumbledore probably would let Snape do as he pleased since he had let theDursleys pretty much have their way all along.

Harry felt his head snap up when Snapecame into the room a while later. He felt as though his skin wasabout to crawl away from his bones, and it was difficult not to want to squirm about. He rubbed at the top of his duvet to give hisfingers something to do, and he tried not to flinch when Snape noticed.

“All right, Potter?”

Harry tried to quiet his hands, but hecouldn't seem to keep still. “Yes, well I think so. I just can't seem to stop this.” Harry looked at his fingers which were twitching now, as though there was a small jolt of electricity hitting them every few seconds. He could feel tingling now, and it was starting to spread through him very rapidly.

“You are due for your next doseof potion. This is a potent painkiller that must be carefully made. Each dose is slightly weaker than the last as it has a bit of an addictive quality and the body cannot stand to simply stop taking it at once.”

Harry's jaw tightened. “You gave me something that I am going to be addicted to?”

“Would you rather I left you in a considerable amount of pain?”

“No Sir. I mean... I just. I don't like being at the mercy of someone else.” Harry's eyelid gave a bit of a twitch and he rubbed at it with his palm.

“Potter, I will do my best tohelp you, but for now you must suffer this through.” Snape reached into his robes for the potion vial and seated himself on the edge of Harry's bed. Harry's fingers clenched in the thick folds of his comforter as he watched Snape uncork the potion. His mind seemed divided. A part of him wanted to trust that Snape did know what was best, but the other part, the scary part of him said that Snape had just admitted to drugging Harry. Perhaps it really was a painkiller that the body grew attached to, but perhaps it had another purpose.

“You might have told me before you dosed me that the potion was addictive,” Harry said a bit more snappishly than he had intended.

“As it was, Potter, you were in no shape for anything. Let alone a lecture on a complicated potion formula.”

Harry had a hard time stifling a growl of annoyance.

“The agitation you are feeling will soon make it difficult for you to make sense of what is best for you. I suggest you let me give you this potion before we get to that point.”

“And if I refuse?”

“Then I shall wait it out with you and do what I think is best.”

“You mean you'll pour it down my throat, don't you?”

“In simple terms, Potter, yes. That will be my intention. You will not be able to withstand the pain for long anyway.”

“I don't want it,” Harrysaid stubbornly.

“Very well, Potter. I can waituntil you are ready.”

Harry clenched his covers again for something to hold onto. He was sure that had the covers not been there he would have been digging into the palms of his hands.

Harry's eyes glistened with fresh unshed tears. The pain from his wound had returned, but he didn't want to submit to a potion with an addictive narcotic.

“Listen to your body, Potter. You are suffering needlessly.”

Harry clenched his eyes closed and shook his head. “I don't care.”

“Stubborn boy.” Harry felt the bed move as Snape stood. He heard his door open and the footsteps as Snape left him alone in the room. Now that he was alone Harry could swear that the ache in his knee was driving a railroadspike into his nerves, and he breathed through his clenched teeth asthough he was battling in a wizard duel.

When Snape returned Harry was not glad to see him. He was almost certain that Snape was going to force that potion down his throat whether he wanted it or not. He opened his bleary eyes to see that Snape had brought a rather plain looking candlestick with him. Harry groaned aloud. The room was already lit for Merlin's sake! How many candles and torches did Snape want? He heard the enchantment when Snape lit the taper and watched as Snape proceeded to snuff out the other source of light in the room. Harry hissed as a violent pain knifed through his knee.

“Breathe Potter. It will not last.”

He nearly snapped at Snape, but he was having enough trouble focusing on not punching himself in the face to give his body a new pain to focus on. He took in a few deep breaths and let them go through his teeth.

“Pain is a strange thing. It is both a cruelty and a mercy at the same time,” Snape said quietly. Harry blinked at him. Was the man serious?

“I don't see how pain can be a mercy to anyone,” Harry ground out. Harry could have sworn that he saw Snape give him a little smile.

“Without pain or the sensations in the nerves you'd harm yourself even in the simplest tasks. Take eating a bowl of oats for example.”

Harry's face screwed up in confusion. How could anyone hurt themselves eating something like mushy oats?

“The nerves in your teeth tell you how hard to bite down on something. If you could not sense discomfort in your teeth you wouldn't give a second thought to breaking them on a spoon or even while simply grinding them against one another. I suppose then you would have a diet of mush permanently.”

Harry frowned at that. Snape was right.

“You must see that if you could not feel pain, you would not feel at all. How would you capture a snitch if you could not feel it in your hand?”

“I wouldn't need to feel it, because I could see it gripped in my fingers,” Harry answered.

“Would it survive your grip to fly in another game?”

Harry snorted. “They could make others you know. What do you care about snitches anyway?” Harry felt his fingertips buzz in a way that seemed to push the tingling from his withdrawal aside. He blinked as Snape started to talk again.

“I don't really care for them at all, but you understand what I was getting at now.”

Harry nodded. “Guess so.”

Harry drummed his fingertips lightly on the comforter because they seemed to be falling asleep, though he was sure that his circulation was not being cut off by anything, so was this another effect of his need for the potion? His toes were soon feeling the same way, as though he had been sitting on top of them until they had lost all sensation.

“I feel funny,” Harry said suddenly. The pain in his leg was still present, but it was as though it had been dulled somewhat. The rest of his limbs may as well not have been attached to his body because he could no longer feel them. His chest felt heavier now as it rose and fell, and Harry found that it was easier to inhale through his nose and exhale through his mouth.

“It's all right,” Snape said calmly.

Something told Harry that he should protest that it wasn't all right. The voice in the back of his mind was telling him that something wasn't right here, but he didn't seem to care that much anymore to listen to it.

“Are you still in pain?”

“Yeah,” Harry said thickly. “But it's not like before. I think it's... better? I'm not really sure.”

“I think this change should beconsidered an improvement, Mister Potter.”

Harry tried to shrug and found it took more effort than he wanted to put forth. “Okay. You're usually right anyway.”

“Would you like to take the potion now?”

Harry blinked as his eyes nearly rolled and stared at Snape trying to find what he was supposed to remember. “Potion?”

“Yes, for the pain in your knee.”

“I don't know. Will it make me sick?” Harry drawled as he stared at the flickering candle for a second.

“No, it will take the pain away so that you can rest.”

Harry felt confusion ripple through him. Wasn't he resting now?

“Here,” Snape said adjusting his position on the bed so that Harry could sit up. “I'll help you.”

As Snape sat him up, Harry nearly lolled into the man's arms. It was an incredible effort simply to hold his head steady. He felt his stomach tingle as he saw the potion in Snape's hand. “All you need to do is open your mouth for a moment and swallow, Potter.”

Harry didn't respond for several seconds. Snape gently placed a finger at the side of Harry's jaw and encouraged him to open. “That's it, Potter.” When he felt the potion slide into his mouth and over his tongue he felt a little pocket of panic that reminded him of what he had been fighting. He made a incoherent moaning sound in the back of his throat and his numb toes curled as if he meant to struggle. “Swallow, Potter,” Snape ordered. The panic was gone as quickly as it had appeared and Harry complied without another thought. “Good boy.”

Harry swallowed again and licked athis lips as Snape settled him back down onto the pillows. He had a feeling that this was not at all how he had wanted things to turnout, but at the moment it wasn't important. The pain in his knee gradually faded to nothing and Harry watched in vague interest as Snape conjured a pot of hot tea for himself.

Snape had just been pouring himself a cup when Harry let his eyelids droop for a moment. He fought to keep them open, but they slipped shut again. When he opened them again Snape was pouring himself another cup of tea. “Potter, it's all right to rest. There is no need to fight it.”

Harry was barely able to keep awake. His mouth hung open slightly because he didn't have the resolve in him to close it. Snape reached out and pushed Harry's jaw shut with the tip of one finger, and to his surprise it stayed shut when he pulled away. Harry grunted in thanks as he still recognized that his tongue would turn to sandpaper if he fell asleep like that. The last thing that Harry recalled before drifting off completely was Snape humming a tune that Harry didn't recognize. Funny, Harry never would have guessed that Snape listened to anything but the bubbling of cauldrons.

Snape let the candle burn for a few more minutes before snuffing the flame between his fingers. He lit the first candle and watched Potter sleep. He wondered if he would have to coerce the boy's cooperation when the next dose came due. Dulling his fears had worked out nicely, so perhaps that was the best way to go about things until Potter learned that not everything was a punishment.

When Harry woke several hours later Snape was still in the room with him. Snape conjured a cup of hot chocolate and helped Harry to sit up so that he could drink it. “Thanks,” Harry said before he began to hungrily sip at the sweet drink.

“Potter, you realize that you'll be due for another dose of potion in a few hours.”

“I'd really rather not think about that, Sir.”

“I hope that you will not allow yourself to suffer again.”

“How long am I going to need this stuff?”

“Only a few days. It takes awhile to wean your system away from it.”

“I suppose I can put up with it then.”

Snape almost said that Harry had little choice in the matter, but he managed to hold his tongue in check and say something civil. “It will be better this way, Potter.”

“I hope that you're right, Sir,” Harry said.

“Don't fret, Potter. I'm sure things will work out for the best.” Snape took the cup of chocolate because Harry had finished. Harry lay back at felt the warm chocolate slosh around in his stomach.

“So if my knee hurts after we are finished with the habit forming stuff I won't have to go back to that will I?”

“I'll try to use milder painkillers.”

Harry worried his lip with his teeth for a second as he thought about the request that Snape had made of him earlier. “You know that thing you asked me about?”

Snape looked mildly amused at Harry's awkwardness. “I believe so, Potter.”

“I think you're right. I don't want to go back to the Dursley's. I'm just a little nervous about the whole thing. You know?”

“It is natural to feel distress about something of this nature, but you do not need to rush into anything.”

“I think I know what I want now,” Harry answered.

“You are remarkably stubborn, but I think we should wait to talk about this when you are not in need of pain medication. You seem clear enough to me, but you may have second thoughts later when you are healed. This decision, once you have made it will be quite a final one until you are of age and I don't want there to be any regrets, Potter.”

“But,” Harry began and Snape cut him off with a half hearted glare.

“No, I will not argue with you about this. You will respect my wishes and wait. A few days will make little difference to you, but you must consider that you will be spending years with me. I will not take this decision upon a whim due to illness.”

Harry found himself speechless and decided that Snape was probably right anyway.