Your critique of OotP in your summary made me laugh. Ah, that does happen to me. It was unintentional. I'm glad you were entertained?

It seems we have similar objections to Jo Rowling's prose.  

 I also liked how Harry was shown as driven. I have always seen Harry to be a proactive person. He feels the need to defend the right, for he has experienced too much of the bystander in his life. (Hence his attempt to save Snape, whatever their personal history.)

 I'm glad you like my Dumbledore. So many people seem to dislike him. I feel rather badly for him, actually. It must be lonely at the top.

Thank you for the critiquing! I am grateful to people who point out ways i can improve. I'll be sure to watch out for the Snape-isms. He's a hard character to write, at least for me. Too Slytherin!

I think I may have been attempting to strike a balance between author-omniscient and Harry's POV. I have trouble telling how much needs to be explained. My teachers often tell me that I assume too much, that what I think is common knowledge is more specialized than I realize. I must be overcompensating.

 "He turned his face to the flagstones, away from the light, not caring about the bloody scratches on his cheeks, as he tried to muffle his sobs." I was trying (and failing, apparently) to illustrate how Harry tries to hide his grief, turning away from the light, because no one can see his tears in the dark. To him, it is more important than no one see his pain, than to keep away from harm. I may have tried to pack a single sentence with too much analogy.

 I'm not sure where the light is coming from (a lamp or the spell?) Ah, I had assumed that the office would have overhead lighting, as Snape grades homework in there. Perhaps it is not canonically accurate? I will endeavor to find out, though it seems too minor a detail to have made it on record.

 It wasn't disheartening at all! You're much nicer than I am, I think, at least in critiquing/editing. I write fanfiction mostly as practice, to polish my prose; I am also working on some original fiction. Thank you very much for taking the time; I am glad you found enough here to your liking that you will continue reading.

Pax vobiscum, 

 Aethyr