Ravenclaw!
Desperate to escape his guilt and nightmares after the third task, Harry transforms into a hawk by accident and ends up breaking both wings and suffering partial memory loss. He is found by Snape, and while the professor nurses him back to health discovers the truth about Severus and who are really his friends and enemies at Hogwarts.
Takes Place: 6th summer
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Snape flavour: None
Tags: Alternate Universe, Azkaban Character, Creature!fic
Categories: Healer Snape, Parental Snape > Guardian Snape, Teacher Snape > Trusted Mentor Snape
Membership status: Member
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Reviews by Quynce
Rated: T
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Warnings: Character Death, Profanity, Torture, Violence
Chapters: 34 - Completed: Yes - Updated: 18 May 2009 / 20 Mar 2009
Series: Broken Wings - Challenges: Animagus Accident
Chapters: 34 - Completed: Yes - Updated: 18 May 2009 / 20 Mar 2009
Series: Broken Wings - Challenges: Animagus Accident
| Title: Chapter 24: Mentor | 28 Apr 2009 |
| Reviewer: Quynce (Signed) |
- I'm looking forward to occulmency lessons-- they were such a disaster in the book. No matter how much I like Snape, I find it difficult to justfy how awful those lessons are in cannon: obscure direction, attack (in a horrible, invasive way that is difficult to imagine), and yell. There are some great fan versions of occulmency lessons-- so far *A Year Like None Other* by Aspeninthesunlight is my favorite. I can't recall the story right now, but my favorite fan excuse for Snape's horrible lessons was that Dumbledore (an evil version) assured Snape that he was teaching Harry defensive lessons, and Snape was supposed attack and test him.
The *Broken Wings* world is based on a very different relationship between Sev and Harry, but I'm curious about the conflict the lessons are likely to bring. Since the cuff is off, I'm hoping for some Hawk!Harry soon-- just a little, maybe?
Author's Response:
Oh yes, Hawk!Harry will be making an appearance next chapter.
The Occlumency lessons won;t be the total awful disaster they were in canon, although the evil Dumbledore version would make sense.
But I have my own version of them and a reason why Severus finds it so difficult to teach it, besides Harry's attitude. Well, here, he doesn;t have an attitude towards learning it, but he does get frustrated and well, you'll see what happens. There will be a conflict though, since it's such a sensitive subject.
| Title: Chapter 25: Laying Old Ghosts To Rest | 29 Apr 2009 |
| Reviewer: Quynce (Signed) |
- It's great to see Crabbe stand up to Malfoy-- it's nice to see some minor characters develop more fully. The particulary nice thing about their confrontations is that while Malfoy is being horrible, I do understand his persepective. Draco is acting as he always has, and not adapting well to the changes in his friend-- some version of this kind of drama happens in a lot of friendships. I thought Draco was probably being sincere (if still rude and mean) when he said he didn't understand what Crabbe was doing and why-- there is a class prejudice being played out that I think is interesting.
I also enjoyed the occulmemcy lesson, although I hope that Harry doesn't get too good at it too quickly. A young person trying a new skill for the first time vs. an adult that has been practicing for years? A mental dicipline should take time to master. The tantrum was great-- Harry seems like an adolecent--not stupid, but impetuous and emotional. I'm a sucker for the hawk sections and the Hedwig parts are very fun.
Author's Response:
Yes, there is that particular pureblood (nobility) class attitude that Draco has and one would assume that Crabbe might not be quite as elite since he seems to let Malfoy lord it over him. Or at least he used to. I liked making Crabbe more in depth and well rounded, its fun to take him down a road he's never been before and see if he can grow into a better man than his Death Eater father, perhaps.
No fear of Harry getting good quickly, Severus was going easy on him, wanting to see if he could erect the wall and keep it up for a bit, to give him a little confidence boost.
That's how I want to portray Harry--he's a troubled kid, but he's also prone to acting just like every other adolescent, emotional and impulsive, though he is working on it.
You'll see more of Hedwig too next chapter and things will finally be resolved between Harry and Ron.
| Title: Chapter 26: Anger Management | 01 May 2009 |
| Reviewer: Quynce (Signed) |
- I like the anger management solution-- it's effective and trains Harry in a different way. The boxing is muy macho; any exercise reduces stress, aids sleep, and helps to decrease depression (or helps the sanguine humors overtake the melancholic, if you prefer).
I find it a little odd that only the girls have an opinion about Ron's behavior, the boys have been growing up in their dorm with their yearmates, they must have some kind of social connection to each other, don't they? Also, it seems that Ron just bows to pressure, rather than actually realizing he is wrong or missing Harry. Of course, sometimes friends really do outgrow each other- maybe they just don't suit each other anymore. I'm curious to see if Harry and Herminone might become better friends because they are becoming more alike.
Author's Response:
That's for sure! And it also gives Harry some muscle tone and teaches him how to react quickly in a hostile situation. That's going to help him later on when he needs to fight for real.
At that point, the girls were the ones who were closest to Ron and Harry when Ron started with him again, and once Harry cast the Muffliato spell, no one else could overhear them. Plus, I tended to think that the girls would be more sympathetic to Harry and look at Severus in an new light because he took such good care of Harry in hawk form. Hermione has always stood up for Snape and Ginny doesn't like it when Harry is attacked that way, especially by her brother, so she would raise the most objections, though I'm sure the twins probably said something to Ron too, only he hasn't admitted it yet to anyone. Neville wouldn;t ver really involve himself in a quarrel between friends, he's shy and nonconfrontational, and I seem to recall that Dean and Seamus were tw of the people who thought Harry was crazy to think Voldemort was alive. So I doubt if they would support Harry liking Snape and trying to convince Ron to accept that fact. I figured Lavender was a good choice to speak to Ron about apologizing and all because most guys tend to listen to their girlfriends. And their mothers.
In a way, Ron sort of does cave in, but he also feels bad about arguing with Harry. He is willing to tolerate Snape for Harry's sake. And you;re right, they are kind of starting to outgrow each other. Yes, Hermione and Harry might become closer as well as some other people.
| Title: Chapter 27: An Unruly Potions Class | 03 May 2009 |
| Reviewer: Quynce (Signed) |
- Great chapter! The classroom's reaction to Harry was great: just the kind of trouble I remember from school. I think Harry handled the situation very well (except for believing those two troublemakers, and he fixed that). I like the Re-Do spell-- applied once in the proper manner, it can fix assignments for the rest of the semester. Thank goodness I don't teach children, even so, I've seen bits and pieces of this in several classrooms. I'm looking forward to the promised angst.
Author's Response: I tried to keep it realistic, and some of what those kids did are things that my students did to me when I first started teaching. That spell can fix a lot. I should have the next chapter up soon!
| Title: Chapter 28: No Excuse | 08 May 2009 |
| Reviewer: Quynce (Signed) |
- I like the interactions between Crabbe and Jace-- Crabbe gets more interesting and is a nice parallel figure to Harry. The arguement between Harry and Sirius was inevitable, but it worked well. Sirius seems unreasonable and adolecent, but not crazy. Snape really handled it well. I like that Remus is part of the dynamic-- having him as the voice of reason is a good way to help Sirius change without it seeming too pat.
Author's Response: I wanted to develop Crabbe some more in regards to his background and family and so forth and having him be a kind of "big brother" to shy Jace seemed like a good idea, to show that he's changed and is no longer Draco's shadow, bodyguard, or a bully. Sirius is rather adolsecent, and it was kind of funny to make Harry the more mature of the two. I like doing role reversals every once in awhile. Severus did keep his cool, and a good thing too. I figured Remus would be the only one Sirius would listen to. He is, after all the last Marauder that Sirius trusts.
| Title: Chapter 29: To Outwit A Dark Lord | 08 May 2009 |
| Reviewer: Quynce (Signed) |
- Go Remus! I love Lupin pointing out how much of a Black Sirius is being. The problem with Sev and Sirius was resolved rather fast, but I'm sure it won't be that simple. The Sirius POV was very good-- it really made the scene interesting and seem more realistic.
I also like Sev as acting general of the OoP-- it's great to see some common sense injected into the battle plans. I'm a little suprized by Harry being part of the plan-- couldn't a polyjuiced person or Tonks take his place? If it's not a real prophesy, does it still need the real person to grab it? I understand that for purposes of drama we want Harry at the battle, still, it seems very risky.
Author's Response:
Remus really came through here for Harry and he'd be the only one who could use that particular argument successfully. Actually Sirius too nearly two weeks to even formulate an apology, so it really wasn't that quick. I wanted to do a scene with him thinking, because it showed how Remus's words affected him and how he had a hard time making up his mind. Glad you liked it.
I figured Sev would be the one to take charge, really he seems to be the only one who does strategy well, aside from Moody, but Moody seems content to let someone else call the shots. He's more a sergeant than an officer. Now Sev's an officer. Harry had to be there, he;s the only one who could pcik up the prophecy, Polyjuice wouldn't work, it would know Tonks wasn't Harry, and even the false prophecy has to follow the rules. It is a bit risky, but he'll be with a trained team of adult Aurors, not kids, and they will all watch out for him. Plus, he needs to be at the Ministry for another reason besides the original one, you'll see what I mean next chapter. As always, thanks for reviewing!
| Title: Chapter 30: Snaring Darkness | 11 May 2009 |
| Reviewer: Quynce (Signed) |
- I like the battle-- it was exciting and fast moving, but not difficult to follow. Battles with multiple fighters can be tricky to narrate, but this went well.
I like Sev's form-- I feel like the story has been building up to it. Voldemort, though... I'm not as excited about. It seems inevitable that he would be a reptile, so it's never a surprise when it happens. It was useful for him to change so that the hawks could rip him apart, but that's exactly why it seems like something he wouldn't do. Why change to a more vulnerable form? How could he afford to not be able to cast spells when facing Dumbledore? He could have just put a boot on Siri's throat to threaten him. But far be it from me to rain all over the victory parade-- it was nice to see Voldy torn in half. Heck, it was great to see that whole scene rewritten as if a group of intelligent people had a coordinated plan (as opposed to the SNAFU in cannon).
Author's Response: That's true, I didn't want to do too many perspectives because it might have confused people, plus I was mostly narrating it from Freedom/Harry's POV. You're right, Severus was always intended to be a hawk Animagus. As for Voldy, I left him a reptile because of the outward characteristics he displays in the books, but I didn't want him to be a snake since that was too obvious. Why did he transform? He didn;t notice the hawks, he was too busy fighting Albus to pay attention to them, and he was tired as well from fighting the old wizard, almost exhausted his magic, so he used his other form to intimidate and threaten Albus because he knew that Albus would be very upset if Sirius died. In short, Voldy got cocky and he paid for it. I'm glad you liked the way I re-did this, I always thought it was ridiculous that the Order couldn't move their asses fast enought to prevent the whole thing and not let kids go and fight criminals.
| Title: Chapter 31: Hawks Don't Cry | 14 May 2009 |
| Reviewer: Quynce (Signed) |
- Sev is great in this chapter-- very much the adult for Harry (which makes him a great mentor). My only concern is that he become so perfect that Sev. becomes unrecognizable-- always a problem in any AU.
Author's Response:
Yes, he finally does manage to provide Harry with a much needed hug and comfort here, which the kid needs after the roller coaster of emotion he's been on.
And no relationship with Sev and Harry will be perfect, they will still argue and disagree, but Severus is now willing to admit that he cares (loves) for Harry and will be there to help him no matter what, and Harry knows that too. That trust was an important thing to establish and it's what I've been aiming for this entire story. But that doesn't mean their mentor/guardianship will be perfect. But any arguments they have will not be irreversible.
| Title: Chapter 32: A Pawn No More | 14 May 2009 |
| Reviewer: Quynce (Signed) |
- Sometimes reading is strongly effected by RL, that might be the case with me and this chapter. It's a good chapter; I'm not saying it isn't. It's just...I guess I was as reluctant has Harry to go through this with Dumbledore. The reader knows what happened, Harry knows, Dumbledore knows-- there's no excuse for the abandonment/abuse situation that Dumbledore could offer. In this version of events, they're not close enough to really work through this (he's not going to break down crying in front of D., he doesn't trust him). So the chapter doesn't forward the plot, and I don't find it very emotionally rewarding. Harry has a right to be angry; D. accepts that and regrets-- no change, just a verification of the whole thing. The chapter does put a new spin on the cannon event- perhaps the contrast was important to emphasize the AU?
Author's Response: I know this might seem like a filler chapter, but it's not. Yes, everyone who is reading knows that D made a huge mistake and all and that Severus knows and to a certian extent Harry knows, but Harry needs to tell D the way he feels as Harry, and also needs to tell him that he won't be used that way again. It's an assertion of independence that is necessary for his continued growth as a person. He also needs to tell D about the new prophecy, because Albus has no clue about it. And then Albus can offer some clues and leads about the Horcruxes and some general info on Tom Riddle, the Gaunt mansion, the Riddle House, the orphanage. Dumbeldore knows about those places because he knew Tom from before he was LV, Severus doesn;t know of them because it was before his time as a DE. And lastly, it allows Harry to really drive home to Dumbledore that he really screwed up and should make sure not to do it a third time--the first time he messed up was with Severus. Plus, it gives me a chance to re-do that scene in the office and show a more controlled Harry, totally different from canon.
Harry is summoned to the time of the Founders during an Occlumency lesson with Snape. Entry in the 2009 Challenge Fest. In response to the Back in Time Challenge by Mystery.
Takes Place: 6th summer - Snape flavour: None
Tags: Adoption, Alternate Universe
Categories: Teacher Snape > Professor Snape, Parental Snape > Guardian Snape
Takes Place: 6th summer - Snape flavour: None
Tags: Adoption, Alternate Universe
Categories: Teacher Snape > Professor Snape, Parental Snape > Guardian Snape
Rated: K
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Warnings: None
Chapters: 7 - Completed: Yes - Updated: 11 May 2009 / 11 May 2009
Series: None - Challenges: Back in Time
Chapters: 7 - Completed: Yes - Updated: 11 May 2009 / 11 May 2009
Series: None - Challenges: Back in Time
| Title: Chapter 7: Epilogue | 20 May 2009 |
| Reviewer: Quynce (Signed) |
- I like this author's work, but I do have a couple of criticisms for this story. I hope my comments are not discouraging-- I am looking forward to reading more from KristeH.
One is a minor call on historical anachronism: Salazaar wouldn't serve sandwiches-- I know this is a magical AU, so one could argue anything goes, but still. It's the details that make a historical setting real, and people in this very early time would be likely eating on trenchers. Wine would not be served in glasses, but in cups of metal or horn (well, it is possible that the glasses are from their time in Italy). It would likely taste very odd to the modern palate-- served too young and with some dregs in it. I know I'm being more than a little annoying about this, please forgive me.
I did have fun reading the story, I don't want to imply otherwise. I do think though that having the key moment in the plot happen in a dream-- well, it's sidestepping a lot. It should be a climax, but it doesn't have an impact on the reader. Then the characters just shuffle a bit and move on. It's just a short story and there was another plot to manage, I understand. Still, in a short form the key points of a story need to be the focus of the narrative. In commentary on Buffy, Joss Whedon commented that a story needs to "earn" emotional moments. If someone is going to offer up a grand gesture or powerful emotional moment, it needs to seem justified by what has come before, the characters need to build up to that ephipany.
Again, I worry that I'm alienating the writer-- I don't mean to do so. It was a fun little tale, and I don't want to seem to kick it around with my critical jack boots.