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Membership status: Administrator
Reviews by Jan_AQ
In his 4th year, Harry feels like he has lost everything while also fighting for his life in the Triwizard Tournament. However, he may find that, perhaps, he has actually found everything he has always wanted. AU Takes Place: 4th Year - Snape flavour: Canon Snape, Snape Comforts, Snape is Kind, Snape is Stern Tags: Adoption, Alternate Universe, Depression Recovery Categories: Teacher Snape > Professor Snape, Parental Snape > Guardian Snape, Teacher Snape > Trusted Mentor Snape
Rated: 16+
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Warnings: Abusive Dursleys, Character Bashing, Character Death, Violence
Chapters: 34 - Completed: Yes - Updated: 11 Nov 2023 / 09 Nov 2023 Series: None - Challenges: None
How interesting! Snape is the one who stood up for Harry. Snape is the one who believed Harry. Also interesting that Ron believes Harry, This version Harry has two people to support him that canon Harry did not have. I wonder how Moody got Harry's signature. Maybe it's from old homework? Poor Harry. But at least this version gives him more suport than he had in the books. Having a real adult help him would help a lot of the stress canon Harry had, not knowing enough magic on his own to do all tasks on his own without help. Good chapter. Thanks for writing and sharing it.
When Harry though tabout the people who cared about him, he only mentioned Ron. What about Hermione? Ron and Hermione both care about Harry, right? In fact, Hermione showed more care than Ron through canon.
The Death Eaters attacking Hogsmeade was a surprise. Yikes!
Oh no, not Ron! Dang, this story took a dark turn really fast. I was not expecting that at all.
I'm glad that Snape was there to protect Harry and comfort him though. Harry is still just a kid.
I hope Snape notices the glass and the wound Harry has, and is mindful of not pressing it in deeper accidentally with the comfort he is giving.
Wow this was an intense chapter. Well written though, good pace. But poor Ron. Poor Mrs. Weasley and the other Weasleys and Hermione and all the teachers. Who else died? At least Hermione is okay.
Oh wow. I did not expect the tears and sadness this story would bring. You did a fantastic job bringing Harry's emotions and thoughts up and making them so profound and present. I'm glad that Snape is being such a comforting presence for Harry. Indeed, this is very traumatic. I really liked Harry's dream and of Ron saying they would meet until Harry was happy. That was so touching. Thank you for writing and sharing this story. Harry loses something of great value. He doesn't lose it. It is taken. It is not lost. It has been stolen. Takes Place: 5th Year - Snape flavour: Out of Character Snape, Overly-protective Snape, Snape Comforts, Snape is Angry Tags: Abuse Recovery, Alternate Universe, Depression Recovery Categories: Teacher Snape > Professor Snape, Parental Snape > Guardian Snape
Rated: T
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Warnings: Abusive Dursleys, Character Death, Eating Disorder, Emotional Abuse, Neglect, Out of Character, Physical Abuse, Violence
Chapters: 2 - Completed: Yes - Updated: 06 Jan 2024 / 10 Dec 2023 Series: None - Challenges: Harry's Journal
WOAH. This was so intense, so good. Poor Harry, he really is a mess. He really needs help. I'm surprised his friends haven't stolen a sleeping draught from the infirmary for him. I hope Hermione forces him to go to see Madame Pomfrey. He's a wreck and everyone can see it. What a fantastic writing style and description. I could literally feel what he was feeling. My stomach is in knots just like Harry. Will Snape be cruel? Will he help? I can't wait to find out. Fantastic start. Thanks for much for wiriting and sharing it.
It is just as powerful the second time reading. Holy - Merlin's balls this is so real. How did Harry loose it- how did Snape get it? Did he steal it when Harry was zoned out? Great use of italics, and statements from Harry's thoughts, the repetition. I liked your Neville too. Snape is spot on. I am so nervous for Harry right now. Please tell me you have more written. When Harry discovers that Sirius Black is the one who betrayed his parents, he would like nothing more than to exact his revenge. Lucky for him, Snape shares the same goal. Together, Harry is sure they will hunt Black down and bring him in for the punishment he so rightfully deserves. Or so he thinks…
Takes Place: 3rd Year - Snape flavour: Out of Character Snape, Overly-protective Snape, Snape is Kind, Snape is Secretive Tags: Abuse Recovery, Adoption Categories: Teacher Snape > Trusted Mentor Snape
Rated: T
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Warnings: Abusive Dursleys, Emotional Abuse, Neglect, Out of Character
Chapters: 4 - Completed: Yes - Updated: 23 Dec 2023 / 21 Dec 2023 Series: None - Challenges: None
I absolutely love it. Fantastic descriptions and emotions. Your characterizations are exactly right. Your Harry is spot on. I love your Snape too. Both Snape and Harry are witty and I love it when authors add that snark and humor into the characters.
This thought Harry had was funny, "Had he broken Snape?" Cute. I love these in character thoughts Harry has. It was so funny that Snape first laughed at Harry's proposal. It was delightful.
I love the premise of this story. I am excited and I can't wait to read more! It's fantastic so far.
Thanks so much for writing and sharing it! This one is fine:
Snape snorted. “I’m surprised the minister didn’t get rid of them once he heard of precious Potters' fainting spell.”
Fix these:
“He’s trying to keep one student safe.” Quipped Snape. “He’s trying to keep one student safe,” quipped Snape. “Severus.” Said McGonagall. “It has been quite an evening.” “Severus,” said McGonagall. “It has been quite an evening.”
This is fine:
“Dinner with the minister went that well?” Snape quirked an eyebrow.
Fix these:
“He’ll be getting the kiss when they catch him.” Said McGonagall. “He’ll be getting the kiss when they catch him,” said McGonagall.
“I’m not sure there is a soul there to suck out.” Said Snape, darkly “I’m not sure there is a soul there to suck out,” said Snape, darkly.
“He’s sure of it.” Said McGonagall. “Black is after Harry, “He’s sure of it,” said McGonagall. “Black is after Harry,
“Well.” McGonagall drew her shawl around herself. “I best get back to my quarters. “Well,” McGonagall drew her shawl around herself. “I best get back to my quarters.
This one is fine:
“My lions?” McGonagall gave a mischievous smirk. “Never.”
Fix these:
“Follow me.” Snape said in a deadly whisper. “Follow me,” Snape said in a deadly whisper.
“Yes, sir.” Muttered Harry finally admitting defeat. “Yes, sir,” muttered Harry finally admitting defeat.
Oh the plus side, On the plus side,
“Professor,” Said Harry impulsively “Did you know Sirius Black or something? It sounded like-” “Professor,” said Harry impulsively. “Did you know Sirius Black or something? It sounded like-”
“What’s that Potter?” Said Snape. “What’s that Potter?” said Snape.
“It is my business!” Screamed Harry, “It is my business!” screamed Harry.
“You are better informed on the topic then I thought.” Said Snape. “You are better informed on the topic then I thought,” said Snape.
This was fine:
Harry scoffed. “I was plenty safe,
Fix this:
“Yes, a school that Black has already broken into once in search of you.” Said Snape “Yes, a school that Black has already broken into once in search of you,” said Snape.
“So let him catch me then.” Said Harry. “I don’t care! Maybe- Maybe…” “So let him catch me then,” said Harry. “I don’t care! Maybe- maybe…”
“Maybe what Mr. Potter?” “Maybe what, Mr. Potter?”
This is fine:
“If he caught you, I imagine you would be dead.” Snape gave him another assessing look.
Want revenge? thought Harry, no I want so much more than that. Want revenge? thought Harry. No I want so much more than that.
“That son of a bitch took my parents.” Said Harry. “That son of a bitch took my parents,” said Harry.
“Look, I know you know I heard you with McGonagall.” Said Harry, “Look, I know you know I heard you with McGonagall,” said Harry,
This is fine:
“So what, Mr. Potter?” growled Snape.
Fix this, 'Professor' is a title. It is capitalized when used as a name or title, lowercase when it's a job and 'the' is in front of it like 'the professor':
So, I invite him to find me, professor, So, I invite him to find me, Professor,
“Help me catch him.” Said Harry more evenly. “Help me catch him,” said Harry more evenly.
“You hate him.” asserted Harry. “You hate him,” asserted Harry.
You don't use semicolons in speech.
“Well, Potter, you have surprised me; and that does not happen often.” “Well, Potter, you have surprised me, and that does not happen often.”
“You seriously want me to use you as bait to catch Black, so that you can exact some revenge.” Said Snape. “You seriously want me to use you as bait to catch Black, so that you can exact some revenge,” said Snape.
“Yes.” Hissed Snape. “Yes,” hissed Snape. Author's Response: Wow! Thank you so much for such a detailed review. I am so flattered that you took the time to explain the changes I need to make with the dialogue. I have gone in to edit the first chapter, and checked the second chapter too. Seriously, thank you! That will be a life long lesson for me. I am so glad that you're enjoying the story. Characterization is something that is so important to me, so I'm glad that it is coming though in the writing. I hope you enjoy the second chapter! Author's Response: Wow! Thank you so much for such a detailed review. I am so flattered that you took the time to explain the changes I need to make with the dialogue. I have gone in to edit the first chapter, and checked the second chapter too. Seriously, thank you! That will be a life long lesson for me. I am so glad that you're enjoying the story. Characterization is something that is so important to me, so I'm glad that it is coming though in the writing. I hope you enjoy the second chapter!
I LOVE your Snape. I loved your descriptions of how he made the pendant, how you describe his affect. It is so nice that he is telling Harry about Lily. And noticing that Harry needs new glasses. I find him to be very much in character. Poor Harry though. He is just a mess with his friends, and with being alone for Christmas. Dumbledore should of let him go or allow Molly to bring Christmas to Hogwarts. I bet Snape is going to be alone for Christmas too. Great chapter. I really enjoyed it. Thank you for writing and sharing it1
Wow, fantastic! Great chapter, so much emotion and action, it read like an action drama movie. Poor Harry though. Still feeling rejected. He is clearly depressed. i'm glad that Snape suggested a check up for Harry. He cares.
Awwwww, this was so beautiful. I loved it. Sirius being so broken and struggling mentally was so realistic. I loved how supportive and protective Remus was. And Snape. He was so fierce, and eventually so vulnerable, but so in character. What a fantastic story. I enjoyed it so much. Well done. Thank you so much for writing it and sharing it! It all started with an unexpected meeting at King's Cross at the end of Harry's first year. The next thing Severus Snape knows he's stuck with the Potter brat. Takes Place: 1st Year, 2nd summer, 2nd Year - Snape flavour: Canon Snape, Out of Character Snape, Snape Comforts, Snape Disciplines , Snape is Angry Tags: Alternate Universe, Snape-meets-Dursleys Categories: Parental Snape > Biological Father Snape
Rated: 16+
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Warnings: Abusive Dursleys, Alcohol Use, Neglect
Chapters: 15 - Completed: Yes - Updated: 08 Feb 2024 / 15 Jan 2024 Series: None - Challenges: None
Muah hahahaha!!! I love it so far! What a shock! Fantastic! | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
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