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Reviews For O Mine Enemy
Author's Response: Poppy is a hoot, isn't she? I'm so glad you enjoyed it. :)
"Harry unceremoniously landed in a heap, face down on a mound of dirt and leaves." I like how you don't let us forget that Harry is still an adolescent - all elbows and knees and whatever XD Oh, and I found this awesome quote that applies to Snape: "You are not superior just because you see the world in an odious light. – Vicomte de Chateaubriand (1768 – 1848)" Yeah. Sharing is caring, right? XD Author's Response: Name calling. Does that mean Snape's down in points again? Aw, poor Snape...he was so happy, too. That is a GREAT quote! I LOVE it! Can I use it in my story somehow? Not sure how yet, I just really, really want to, haha!
Author's Response: Thank you! I appreciate your comments!
Author's Response: hey!!! okay!!! :) I can guarantee it won't be before the weekend though. This week is crazy.
Author's Response: I'm so glad you think the scenes fresh. There are so many HP stories on the web, it's hard to come up with something that hasn't been done in some way before. But at least I can make it my own! :)
Author's Response: Thank you for the review! I love long reviews, and knowing that you tried so hard to give me that makes me happy! :)
There was one spot where I was confused about who was talking: "He followed Remus’ stare to Snape, who had left them to their exchange and was examining their surroundings. When his former professor redirected his attention to Harry, he could tell the man didn’t believe the ‘clumsy’ story for a second." At first I thought that Snape was the one who turned his attention back to Harry- not Remus. Probably because "The former professor" in sentence structure would have meant Snape, and a lot of stories list him as a former professor anyway. I didn't get at first that it meant Remus. "He wondered if maybe the sorting hat had ever told Dumbledore that he’d be good in Slytherin, too." GREAT! Harry's thoughts were all wonderfully done in this chapter. Maybe osme places they seemed too long for the moments in real life that were supposed to be occuring, like when Harry had to come up with a sport to explain his injuries, but alltogether the musings were very clear and well done. Isn't Snape still wearing the Dursley clothes? I didn't know whether to invision Snape in his usual black robes or the Dursley hand-me-downs. If he had been, surely the other men would have mentioned it. "...I may be a witch, but I cannot see through cotton!” Hehehe! Poppy is great in this chapter. Some more physical desctions of her might help though. She kind of blank in my mind, I don't know exactly how she looks. I imagine a plump middle aged to elderly nurse. "Recovering quickly, she stood to her feet and placed one hand on each hip." Wasn't she standing before? She was handing Snape potions. "Harry attempted to slide over so that Pomfrey would hide him from Snape’s scrutiny, but when that earned him yet another scolding, he forced himself to remain still." I love Poppy's scolding. :) :The horribly thought occurred to him that Draco Malfoy would have a field day with that information.: horrible “Of course I was there, Potter!” Snape retorted sarcastically. “I am able to recal my own whereabouts and what I was so fortunate as to witness.” recall "“It’s my life. And you can pull that ‘I’m your professor’ crap with me all you want – it’s summer..." can't Fantastic chapter! The delight of the evening. :) Thank you for sharing it! And congrats on your new status. Author's Response: Jan AQ, I love you! You know, the reason I started posting this story is because I want to develop my writing skills and work toward seeing if I have what it takes to write my own "real" stories someday. And I figured this is a great way to practice putting together words and scenes and plot and seeing what others think of it. Getting long, constructive reviews like this makes my day...no...my week! So the least I can do is write a long response to your long review. ;) I went back and corrected many of the errors you found. As an English major, I clapped my hand on my head when I realized how many typos I let slip. I have now learned my lesson not to forego my final review just to get it posted in a hurry! I made very minor changes, and I left in the long thought processes because they are important to the story and I wanted to get going on the next chapter...but I'll definitely remember that as something to work on as the story continues. So thank you, thank you, thank you for putting so much time and effort into finding errors and giving suggestions!
Author's Response: Me too. I look at the Order as a real operation in fighting the war... Secret codes and signals and alternate meeting locations and such. Anyway, that will be my take on the Order in this story - glad you're liking it! |
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