Well!another story to enjoy!
Ooooh I LOVE THIS! Fantastic Start!
| Title: Chapter 1
| 16 Jan 2009 7:06 am
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| Reviewer: Marie (Anonymous)
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Good story so far. Update more soon please.
| Title: Chapter 1
| 06 Nov 2007 4:06 am
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| Reviewer: Ayana (Anonymous)
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Great story, please please update soon!
This looks great! I'm hoping for more.
Interesting idea, and nicely written. Very vivid descriptions. I'll look forward to more.
There are still quite a few grammar and spelling mistakes in this chapter. Maybe go over it one more time, reading aloud? That always helps me to catch most of my mistakes and typos.
Here are a few:
"Determined, He fully" (no reason to capitalize)
"if your so powerful?" (you're)
"Actually it's Mrs. Malfoy now, surprised?" (try saying that aloud -- it's very awkward. Make it "Mrs. Malfoy now. Surprised?" instead)
"a potion's mistress" (potions)
"man was no where to" (nowhere)
"he said as he paused" (makes no sense... maybe "and he paused" instead, though it would still be awkward)
"didn't know you're hearing" (your)
"Look it's been six" (Look, it's)
"muggle" (Muggle is always capitalized in the books)
"What Potter show's up and I suddenly go mad! " (What, Potter shows up) (should end in ? or ?! not !)
| Title: Chapter 1
| 09 Aug 2007 9:13 pm
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| Reviewer: midnight rain (Anonymous)
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I'd have to say you have an interesting story going here!!! Please update soon!!!!
| Title: Chapter 1
| 09 Aug 2007 8:51 pm
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| Reviewer: Anonymous (Anonymous)
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You need a beta reader, but you have a good story started. Good job.
| Title: Chapter 1
| 09 Aug 2007 12:25 pm
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| Reviewer: JMGodfreyIII (Anonymous)
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lol of all the things to read while I'm sick and unable to sleep rofl. I really like what youve written so far and I cant wait to read the rest of this story XD
| Title: Chapter 1
| 09 Aug 2007 10:57 am
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| Reviewer: LaToya_Snape (Anonymous)
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love this story so far pls pls pls keep updating
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