Title: The deal
| 06 Oct 2009 10:18 pm
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Reviewer: DS (Anonymous)
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I think this is an amazing story idea and I really hope you will carry it through.
Title: The deal
| 18 Jan 2009 6:53 am
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Reviewer: Harriverse (Anonymous)
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For some reason this seems familiar. Did you start writing it in the past? Either way, I hope you continue with this story.
I love this story. I first read this on fanfiction back in the early part of 2008 and had hoped that you would continue with it. I was so excited to see that you have and this second chapter is excellent as was the first. I love Harry and Severus together and love the deal that has been made. Thanks so much for the update and look forward to more as this story has always been a favorite of mine.
Title: Chapter 1
| 16 Jan 2009 7:06 am
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Reviewer: Marie (Anonymous)
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Good story so far. Update more soon please.
Title: Chapter 1
| 06 Nov 2007 4:06 am
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Reviewer: Ayana (Anonymous)
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Great story, please please update soon!
This looks great! I'm hoping for more.
Interesting idea, and nicely written. Very vivid descriptions. I'll look forward to more.
There are still quite a few grammar and spelling mistakes in this chapter. Maybe go over it one more time, reading aloud? That always helps me to catch most of my mistakes and typos.
Here are a few:
"Determined, He fully" (no reason to capitalize) "if your so powerful?" (you're) "Actually it's Mrs. Malfoy now, surprised?" (try saying that aloud -- it's very awkward. Make it "Mrs. Malfoy now. Surprised?" instead) "a potion's mistress" (potions) "man was no where to" (nowhere) "he said as he paused" (makes no sense... maybe "and he paused" instead, though it would still be awkward) "didn't know you're hearing" (your) "Look it's been six" (Look, it's) "muggle" (Muggle is always capitalized in the books) "What Potter show's up and I suddenly go mad! " (What, Potter shows up) (should end in ? or ?! not !)
Title: Chapter 1
| 09 Aug 2007 9:13 pm
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Reviewer: midnight rain (Anonymous)
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I'd have to say you have an interesting story going here!!! Please update soon!!!!
Title: Chapter 1
| 09 Aug 2007 8:51 pm
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Reviewer: Anonymous (Anonymous)
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You need a beta reader, but you have a good story started. Good job.
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