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Reviews For Boy's Adventure
I suggest you get a beta reader to help you with your spelling, grammar and punctuation. Your story would be a lot better if you took the time to fix the typos. Not to be mean, but your story sloppily written. I like your banner though. Author's Response: I appreciate your opinion, but would like to point out that if you had read past the first chapter the typos dwindle to one or two at most. I am sure you understand that writing the next chapter is more important at the moment than the purposeful mispelling of "citizen". I do plan on going over the typos as soon as I finish the next chapter. rnrnAs for the grammar, I tend not to worry (considering this is written from the viewpoint of a nine year old), but, again, thank you for your concern. Perhaps you would like to beta for me?
I also enjoy the subtle way you've included some things in the background that Harry isn't aware of, but the reader is: for instance, that Aunt Petunia worries about Harry (where Harry thinks that she just doesn't like to see Vernon mad.) I also liked the idea that the teacher keeps pressing Harry to tell her that something's wrong. A lot of people wonder about how no one ever figured out that the Dursleys were harming Harry; but if Harry refuses to say anything, how can anyone help him? Anyone who's ever dealt with abused children before knows how delicate a situation it really is: if you accuse the adult of abuse and it doesn't stick, the abuse often escalates. I do wonder if you'll continue to show the teacher making an effort, though; for instance, dropping by the Dursleys? It's hard to believe that Harry NEVER had a teacher, in at least six years of formal education, who cared enough to figure out what was going on. Come to think of it, (forgive my rambling) but it's always struck me as strange that the Dursleys, who are terrified of anything out of the ordinary, would allow themselves to treat Harry so. Won't people notice? Won't they wonder what's WRONG with the Dursleys? When it comes to something so obvious as the fact that Harry was bitten by a dog, I think it's strange and amazing that Petunia wouldn't scoop him up and tend to it right away; because a suppurating wound isn't exactly something that the neighbors would ignore. Food for thought. ;) -K Author's Response: Oh, wow, I dunno how I missed this one! Definitely, a feast for thought, really. ;)
And it sucks that Snape isn't going to show up until the sixth chapter. )): Update soon?
P.S. I'd log-in if I could, but my laptop doesn't seem to like Potions and Snitches and my attempts to register have never been successful for this site. jwkljackson@comcast.net |
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