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Reviews For Love Everlasting
Author's Response: Thank you!
You handled this entire scene beautifully. Lily's reactions, Severus's reactions, everything. If I was Sev I think I'd be perfectly speechless with shock at hearing Lily's last word. I wonder if I'm right? I'm on to the next chapter to find out. Bravo! Author's Response: Thank you!
Some constructive criticism: You wrote: "Yes actually." Hermione had a thoughtfull look. "I also noticed that he seemed concerned when you mentioned your mom." You missed a comma, had a mispelling and used an Americanism. The missed comma is likely just a typo as is the mispelling but you might want to visit the Harry Potter Lexicon website and look at the section on British slang and colloquialisms. I would have written the sentence like so: "Yes, actually," Hermione reflected with a thoughtful look. "I also noticed that he seemed concerned when you mentioned your Mum." "Mum" is the British version whilst "Mom" is the American version. The only other typo I noticed was "barring" instead of "bearing" in your final paragraph. I'd have connected the second sentence to the first one with a comma or semicolon rather than leave the sentence fragment but it didn't really jar me out of the story. Despite English teachers sentence fragments can be used in certain circumstances. It's more a matter of taste in this instance. Keep up the good work! Author's Response: Thank you! As I said in the begining, I greatly appreciate any constructive criticism. So thank you very much for your input. But I have to say again; spelling and grammer are not my best strengths. So there will most likely, if not definatley, be more errors in the future. I appologize for that. I have never heard of the 'Harry Potter Lexicon website'. Sorry if I somehow missed it. And I will appologize now for any more Americanism. I'll work on that. Thank you very much again, and I hope you enjoy the rest of the story!
I think you were spot on as to the people the Ministry would have picked for Harry's guardians if anything happens to Lily. I suspect that in the end Lucius, the blackguard, would have his hands on Harry because he owns the Ministry and he could completely manipulate the Dursleys into turning Harry over to him (or even kill them and take the boy if he was impatient). Definitely not something that anyone on the side of the good guys want to have happen. Ron was amusing and you got his voice exactly right; his irritation with Hermione was perfectly drawn. Hermione was... well she was Hermione and this probably starts out as one of her more enjoyable to trips to Hogwarts for her since she has Flitwick to talk to about all the things that the boys don't want to hear about. Of course, I suspect the trip won't stay enjoyable with that hint about Deatheaters planning to attack the train. You also avoided one of my pet peeves in fic-writing: the laundry list description of everything and anything. Instead you very successfully let the characters create the atmosphere and have control of hte story. Bravo! Author's Response: Thank you! I am very happy people are likeing my story. Hope you enjoy the rest of the story as well.
Two hot tempered males in the same room should provide lots of fireworks. Looking forward to more. Author's Response: Thank you! Yes, I hope to make the 'lessons' interesting. Hopefully Harry's not the only one learning something.
Author's Response: Thank you!
Author's Response: Thank you!
Author's Response: Thank you! I will.
Lily's line that time was no longer on her side was heartbreaking. I can feel her determination and desperation as she talks with Severus, telling him of her disease and trying to convince him to really see Harry. I'm looking forward to the next chapter! Author's Response: Thank you! I'll put it up soon!
I loved how supportive Ron and Hermione are, and the interaction between Harry and Severus in the Owlery. Author's Response: Thank you! I was afraid people would think that chapter was boring. |
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