Potions and Snitches
Snape and Harry Gen Fanfiction Archive

Title: Damn that Hat! 08 May 2009 10:53 am
Reviewer: becky (Anonymous) [Report This]
    You've got a great story started but it's got a few problems. However, it would be a lot easier to read if you would separate each person's dialogue into separate paragraphs. It's difficult to tell who's speaking. For example you wrote:

    “I most certainly did not! I agreed that Minerva should mentor the boy! Not ME!” But Dumbledore insisted. “You did. The fact that you thought it would be McGonagall means nothing. Do you refuse now?” His voice held a warning, but Severus ignored it.

    The above paragraph reads as if a single person is speaking when actually there is two--or at least I think there is. I'm not sure.

    I strongly suggest you get a beta reader to help you with your dialogue. Also, a beta reader would also help you with your punctuation and grammar.

    Author's Response: Yes, I do that better, later. Please let me know if you find grammar mistakes - I do have a beta, but she can't catch everything.
Title: Axis and Allies 07 May 2009 5:04 am
Reviewer: Lolgirl (Anonymous) [Report This]
    Aww, poor Harry.

    Great chapter :D

    Author's Response: Yeah. I'm kinda mean to him in this one, I think. :-(
Title: Axis and Allies 07 May 2009 2:54 am
Reviewer: Johnny101 (Anonymous) [Report This]
    I don't want to spend time in jail, so please update a.s.a.p.

    Author's Response: Please take note of the wisdom put down by one of my other reviewers: I can't write if I'm dead. Just ignore the bit about the Crucio...
Title: Axis and Allies 07 May 2009 1:51 am
Reviewer: LinerRocks (Signed) [Report This]
    Ah! Ah! Malfoy! Snape! Harry!
    ARGH! Such angst. Eek! They're being so stupid. (but i love them.) Please update soooooooon. [no self-respecting reader would murder you, that would be stupid. you can't update if you're dead ;). However, Crucio is very good .. incentive.]

    Author's Response: I will...take that under advisement. And write. Fast.
Title: Axis and Allies 07 May 2009 12:55 am
Reviewer: N_Forest (Signed) [Report This]
    Cool chapter. Tonks and Harry was extremely funny. I can't wait for the next chapter.

    Author's Response: Thanks! I love Tonks. She's awesome. :-)
Title: Axis and Allies 07 May 2009 12:02 am
Reviewer: Elfwyn (Anonymous) [Report This]
    Interesting chapter. Glad Harry had some fun in it before he one more had trouble. My only critique would be that Harry does not know or has been friends with Hermione long enough for her to be a voice in his head! This is a kid that doesn't trust, he wouldn't after a matter of weeks take up some strange girls voice into his mind. Come up with something else, an alter ego, to have conversation with because that is inconceivable. An alter ego would also make more sense as Harry has been so alone in life and can only depend on himself.

    Author's Response: Thanks! Just to clarify - Harry's voice sounds like Hermione, but it sounded like her before he met her. It's just his more 'careful' side, I guess. I should probably make that more clear in the actual story, but I don't honestly know how to go about doing that...lol. Anyway thanks for the review! :-)
Title: Axis and Allies 06 May 2009 11:26 pm
Reviewer: Snapegirl (Signed) [Report This]
    Loved it, especially when Severus realizes that Harry really hates being put in a corner, and also the lessons with Tonks were very cool.

    But a cliffie . . .you're almost as bad as I am with them! I want to know what Malfoy will say or do and what Severus will do as well. Poor Harry, but I think he's in real trouble now!

    Update as fast as you can! :)

    Author's Response: Thanks! Yeah, see...you can't scold me for the cliffie. That would be TOTALLY unfair after the number of your fics I've read, (and loved!) and the number of your cliffies I've dealt with. :-) And yes, poor poor Harry in this one. I actually feel worse for Snape, though. He's really beating himself up about the whole thing. I'm glad you liked Tonks. I was like super-happy when I realized that it would be logical for Snape to bring her in to meet Harry.
Title: Axis and Allies 06 May 2009 8:41 pm
Reviewer: ImUpToNoGood (Signed) [Report This]
    And you've got me in tears again.

    Good job.

    Loved the scene with Tonks! Loved Snape, the old softie, letting Harry go play for ONE HOUR.

    And standing in the corner really is a trial for Harry.

    And his thoughts during the lines were very good.

    "Hey Voldie! Those robes make you look fat!"

    Of course, maybe more accurate would be: "Hey Voldie: Those robes make you look dead! Oops, my bad. Its not the Robes." Wait... isn't the DL non-coporeal at the moment?

    Any way, most enjoyable.

    Author's Response: lol yes the DL in non-corporeal, but that doesn't mean Harry can't make fun of him. Actually...that leaves room for lots more fun, in my opinion. I HOPE Harry's survival instinct will stretch to not openly insulting the corporeal DL, if I ever get that far, but who knows? He seems a TAD impulsive... Thanks a lot! Did I really make you cry???
Title: Axis and Allies 06 May 2009 7:08 pm
Reviewer: Pandora (Signed) [Report This]
    Sorry, I meant to say I'm looking forward to your next update! Not enough coffee and very little sleep.

    I too want to express how much I'm really enjoying this story, and it's one of my favourites as well.

    Author's Response: Thanks! And I understood what you meant. And, hey, it means I get two reviews for the same chapter from you. :-)
Title: Axis and Allies 06 May 2009 5:52 pm
Reviewer: jvalread (Signed) [Report This]
    A quick Obliviate should take care of the Malfoy problem. Baywatch boy! wonderful!

    Author's Response: LOL thanks. I don't know if Sev would consider that or not. It's just a touch unethical.

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