I’m sorry I can’t read anymore. Your premise is very good but the way you are carrying out your story is a bit lacking. You really need to work on your punctuation and grammar-you don’t stay in the same tense and that makes it very hard to follow. That isn’t my main problem though, my main problem is your OC Trinity. Besides the fact that she is Mary-Sue right down to her name, her presence does nothing to advance the plot and if anything she is distracting. I almost felt like you just wanted an original character in your story and throw her in there without any real plan for her.
Author's Response: I'm sorry you didn't enjoy my story :/. I am not the perfect writer, I know that. But alas, I do try. I do have a plan for Trinti. I picked her name on purpose. That isn't her real name. She is plays a huge part in the series I am planning. I tried to drop hints but she is developing. Anyways, thanks for the review!
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