oh this was heartbreaking but lovely
| Title: Beyond the First Glance
| 25 Dec 2013 1:57 pm
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| Reviewer: Zang (Signed)
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I don't know what to think. I'm sad for Harry and grieve for Snape. This is sooo touching and exposes both Harry's and Snape's miserable sides :'(
Great job!
I nearly didn't review this, because I couldn't find the right words. But that would be silly of me. This oneshot touched me because what you wrote is just so real, I can honestly imagine that it did happen. It works really well and fits in with canon. Excellent job.
| Title: Beyond the First Glance
| 30 Mar 2009 2:44 pm
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| Reviewer: Polaris (Signed)
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Wow, that packs a punch. The last line is particularly good, very on the nose. A little tragic but a great little one shot!
Pretty good, I'd say. I like the way you made it fit in just before all the cannon events in Harry's life. How it seems that if Snape had just been aware for a little longer, he'd have known Harry wasn't wanted by his relatives and thus wouldn’t have a perfect life. *sighs sadly*
| Title: Beyond the First Glance
| 28 Mar 2009 4:32 pm
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| Reviewer: Pandora (Signed)
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What do you mean like a million others? It is brilliant.
I love it, and don't doubt yourself. I like how Snape, while making up his mind to hate the future Gryffindor, nevertheless set the stage for protecting Harry, despite his dislike of him, for the rest of Harry's years at Hogwarts.
| Title: Beyond the First Glance
| 28 Mar 2009 6:44 am
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| Reviewer: Verdad y Vida (Anonymous)
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Nice story! Since you asked for constructive criticism, I would suggest cutting down on the italics—I know how tempting they are, being prone to the same weakness, but they can be distracting. Also, it seemed a little more of a 'telling' story than a 'showing' story, so that's something to maybe keep in mind.
I loved the idea of Snape sitting with the baby (in spite of murderous thoughts). Even in canon, I always was a bit "what the heck" with them leaving Harry alone on the doorstep. I also liked how you didn't attempt to make Snape any less vindictive. You also didn't make excuses for him, which is a really important thing in writing. Explaining away your characters' wrong behaviors is bad bad bad. :D So thank you!
Look forward to seeing more of your work!
| Title: Beyond the First Glance
| 28 Mar 2009 6:05 am
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| Reviewer: NotEvenHere (Anonymous)
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Very interesting. I enjoyed your take on Severus' thoughts that night. Thanks for sharing it with us. You write very well. A beta could help with grammar and spelling that is easily missed with your own read-through. Very impressive first piece of work.
First fic, eh? This is pretty good for a first go around. I always thought someone should have spent the night watching Harry. For pity's sake, who leaves a baby on a doorstep by himself all night? Dumbledore may be smart, but he doesn't use much common sense in this instance.
For constructive criticism, my recommendation would be getting a beta. You're spelling and grammar are pretty good, but a second set of eyes always catches a few things that an author might unintentionally miss. Also, you were right in assuming that I've read a lot of oneshots that are like this. I recommend catching readers off guard next time by doing something unexpected. There is nothing more delightful than to read a story with a twist at the end that you weren't expecting.
Don't let my criticisms discourage you from writing though. This is a good fic and Snape's emotions towards Harry were right on target. Good work!
-P.G.
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