Potions and Snitches
Snape and Harry Gen Fanfiction Archive

Reviews For Playing Pretend
Title: Shifting Focus 05 Jul 2012 11:18 am
Reviewer: JAWorley (Signed) [Report This]
    It's interesting so far. Sometimes you change back and forth between past and present tense though and it should stay one or the other.
Title: Shifting Focus 29 Dec 2010 4:36 pm
Reviewer: Sirena (Signed) [Report This]
    Hm... interesting idea {read along}
Title: Shifting Focus 07 Mar 2010 5:34 am
Reviewer: celestialuna (Anonymous) [Report This]
    Awesome start of story!!
Title: Shifting Focus 28 Feb 2010 8:40 pm
Reviewer: Min (Anonymous) [Report This]
    nice start!

    Author's Response:

    Min,

    Thanks, will be updating soon.

    -Mel :)

Title: Shifting Focus 22 Feb 2010 8:50 am
Reviewer: kagome-chan@o2.pl (Anonymous) [Report This]
    Hi there ^^
    My engilsh isnt too good so I'll try to meke myself as understantable as possible. I liked it, really. Can not wait for more ;) The first Time I've readed it there was some confusing tense switches but now I see you've fixed that so its much better now. I like the description though now we all know whats gonna to happen, well sorta.. Try to be more mysterious - you know so you can interest more pple :D
    Good luck with writting ;d
    Ps: Betareader is really good idea - if you want your text better, not only in grammar but also in text itself. I always use help of Betareader and Im pretty pleased with that. Anyway take care ^^

    Author's Response:

    Kagome-chan@o2.pl,

    Your English isn't too bad, I could understand what you were saying :P. I'm glad you like it and I shall be updating soon enough. Yes, sorry about that...as you said, I have fixed the tense issue now so yeah. Actually, the description doesn't really tell very much. Only the aim of the story and brief parts, there is so much more involved so I can ensure you that it's still quite mysterious. Thanks. And I do not wish to use a beta.

    You too, thanks for the review!

    -Mel :)

Title: Shifting Focus 22 Feb 2010 8:39 am
Reviewer: Jan_AQ (Signed) [Report This]
    Hehehe.. love it! Those boys must be so out of their element right now! I like the idea that Dobby is along for the ride. i do wonder, however, what exactly happened to them. What did the room do?

    Author's Response:

    Jan_AO,

    Thanks, happy to hear it. And yes they are, hehe. I too thought Dobby was a nice touch. Obviously for plot reasons I won't tell you what exactly the room did, however think upon this: It is called the Room of Requirement, is it not? ;). Thanks for the review.

    -Mel :)

Title: Shifting Focus 22 Feb 2010 7:45 am
Reviewer: KKJ (Anonymous) [Report This]
    I really liked this opening chapter - it is a very interesting concept and one that I look forward to reading more about (perhaps keep it all in one tense - past generally works best, rather than switching from present to past).

    I wonder how Harry and Draco will learn to get along and just what this alternative universe Snape will be like.

    Author's Response:

    KKJ,

    Thanks, I'm thrilled to hear it. Have fixed the tense issue now. It's not entirely another universe, but more of an illusion, but yes it should be quite interesting. By the time you receive this, I would have updated :P.

    -Mel :)

Title: Shifting Focus 22 Feb 2010 6:02 am
Reviewer: Meg (Anonymous) [Report This]
    I like your plot and it seems like a believable storyline...but you really really need to check your grammar and you jump from present tense to past tense a lot.
    Example:
    Confused, Snape frowns and eyes the room uncertainly.
    It should be:
    Confused, Snape frowned and eyed the room uncertainly.

    You also have a couple of run on sentences and some ideas are too jammed together. Long explanations that look like paragraphs are okay.

    Description wise your doing good, and your dailogue looks natural.

    But I would recommend getting a Beta reader...you can post this up on fictionpress - they have good readers who can look over your work.

    Other than that, your story was awesome, I want to read more - post soon!

    -Meg

    Author's Response:

    Meg,

    Thanks, I have fixed the tense issues for that chapter. Normally I do go over it better beforehand but wasn't able to for that one. I do not wish to use a beta, although I have never heard of fictionpress. Thanks for the review, will be updating very soon.

    -Mel :)

Title: Shifting Focus 22 Feb 2010 5:03 am
Reviewer: silverstargirl (Signed) [Report This]
    Ohhh...did they just get transported into another universe? One where they were raised as brothers? Interesting! I can't wait to find out what will happen next!

    Author's Response:

    Silverstargirl,

    They were not transported into another universe, actually. The place in which they are at is merely an illusion, none of it exists or is real...yet. I'm thrilled to hear it and will be updating very soon.

    -Mel :)

Title: Shifting Focus 22 Feb 2010 12:13 am
Reviewer: Pandora (Signed) [Report This]
    Ooh, interesting start! I can't wait to see what happens when Draco and Harry realise that Snape is their, uh...guardian? And has been since they were young.

    I can't wait for the next chappie.

    Author's Response:

    Pandora,

    Thanks! Glad to hear it, although they have grown up since toddlers with Snape as their father, not guardian, hehe. Thanks for the review, updating very soon.

    -Mel :)


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