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Reviews For Harry Potter and the Slytherin Conundrum
Harry being the Potter heir just bc is so funny to me bc James was like ite bet and that will forever have me doubling over
Your Snape is spot on. Wow that he missed class. Your descriptions were wonderful to read. Fantastic pacing and emotions. Snape is wrecked. Harry is wrecked. They all are wrecked. I can't wait to read more. Thanks for the update!
I love that Sirius tracked down Snape in his own classroom, and sent a spell flying immediately. That is so Sirius. Of course, Snape has great reflexes and was alert. He has to be alert and react quickly when his students mess up their potions. Not to mention the Mauraders tormented him regularly so he grew up expecting to be attacked likely at all times. I love a competent, dueling master Snape. Snape's reaction is so spot on. Poor potions ingredients and potions classroom though. For that matter, poor students! They are lucky none of them got hurt being in the middle of a duel between two highly skilled Wizards, while their potions are in progress too. Some things to be corrected: The duel between Snape and Sirius need exclamation marks instead of periods when they are yelling at each other. For example: Severus continued to prowl around the class, subtly and quietly correcting the Slytherins where necessary, and mocking the Gryffindors when the door burst open and a voice shouted, “Stupefy.” should be ...shouted, “Stupefy!” “I see you lost what little insanity you possessed in Azkaban, Black.” Sanity. He lost what little sanity he had, not insanity. :) I love that Dumbledore came to disarm them and stop the duel. A comma is needed here after asked: “What is going on here?” the voice asked a threat underlying the gentle tone. “What is going on here?” the voice asked, a threat underlying the gentle tone. Add a new paragraph whenever a new person speaks or does anything. So this: “He cursed Harry, I had to.” Severus scoffed and crossed his arms, knowing full well he did no such thing. should be “He cursed Harry, I had to.” Severus scoffed and crossed his arms, knowing full well he did no such thing. Did Dumbledore keep their wands as they walked up to the infirmary, or did he return them? A comma is needed here too: Meanwhile, Minerva and Poppy were talking to Kingsley and the young witch with bright pink hair next to him whom Severus assumed with Nymphadora Tonks. Meanwhile, Minerva and Poppy were talking to Kingsley and the young witch with bright pink hair next to him, whom Severus assumed with Nymphadora Tonks. Also, Snape was a teacher when Tonks was a student. Tonks is Charlie Weasley's age. Just a couple of years ahead of Percy. So: It seemed that she kept the same proclivity for colorful hair as she had when they were at school together. Should be It seemed that she kept the same proclivity for colorful hair as she had when she had been at school as a student. “It’s Tonks, Headmaster. Wotcher Severus, Sirius,” the animagus interrupted before Kingsley could reply. Snape scowled in response to her grin. Clearly, she was still as obnoxiously cheery as she had been sixteen years ago. Tonks is a Metamorphmagus not an animagus. An animagus can change into an animal. McGonagall is an animagus. Metamorphmagi can change their appearance at will. Also, add a new paragraph for Snape scowled in response to her grin. and change Clearly, she was still as obnoxiously cheery as she had been sixteen years ago. to Clearly, she was still as obnoxiously cheery as she had been years ago. New paragraph here: “Really Albus, you’re the one that sent him back to that house to be abused.” Potter let out a strangled cry at his godfather's livid, but true, words... “Really Albus, you’re the one that sent him back to that house to be abused.” Potter let out a strangled cry at his godfather's livid, but true, words... New paragraph: ...but true, words and looked up from his hands and Severus felt all the blood drain from his face. ...but true, words and looked up from his hands. Severus felt all the blood drain from his face. Question mark needed: What kind of trick did the brat think he was playing at. What kind of trick did the brat think he was playing at? New paragraphs: “Tell me you had nothing to do with this Albus.” The headmaster made no reply and couldn’t meet his gaze. In reality, Severus didn’t need an answer. “Tell me you had nothing to do with this Albus.” The headmaster made no reply and couldn’t meet his gaze. In reality, Severus didn’t need an answer. New paragraphs: “Tell me what you did.” The old man still did not answer, “Tell me now Albus, or I swear I will tear apart every inch of this castle looking for the truth, and you may not like what secrets come to light.” “Tell me what you did.” The old man still did not answer. “Tell me now Albus, or I swear I will tear apart every inch of this castle looking for the truth, and you may not like what secrets come to light.” Delete the last bit: ...but he was still unable to finish, clearly too traumatized to even say the words aloud Snape thought. but he was still unable to finish, clearly too traumatized to even say the words. New paragraph: ...James pretended to be your father instead.” Severus closed his eyes... ...James pretended to be your father instead.” Severus closed his eyes... “Where are they, Albus? Where are my memories?” Dumbledore finally met his gaze, for the first time since they’d seen Harry. He saw regret there, but it was mixed with pride and determination and Severus knew that the leader of the light would make the same decisions again. With a flick of his wand, Albus summoned the shimmering vial of memories and handed them over to Severus along with a letter. Snape snatched both out of his hand, fixed him with one last glare, and stormed out of the hospital wing, his robes billowing behind him. “Where are they, Albus? Where are my memories?” Dumbledore finally met his gaze, for the first time since they’d seen Harry. He saw regret there, but it was mixed with pride and determination and Severus knew that the leader of the light would make the same decisions again. With a flick of his wand, Albus summoned the shimmering vial of memories and handed them over to Severus along with a letter. Snape snatched both out of his hand, fixed him with one last glare, and stormed out of the hospital wing, his robes billowing behind him. Fantastic chapter, I love the drama, the angst, the action. Wow. Poor Harry though. His whole world is shattered. Dumbledore will have a lot to answer for. Great development and plot. The way it all came out was very fluid and worked well. Excellently done. Thanks for much for writing and sharing! Please update when you can. :)
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