August 14 continued
After the meeting, Tobias immediately headed for his bedroom, intending to feed and change Mo, then go to bed. The day had already been plenty stressful. He got up the stairs without incident, but promptly ran into Fred, George, Ron, Hermione, and Ginny in a clump the hallway.
“What're you all doing here?” he asked, confused, before realizing how stupid his question was next to the fact that he'd just shown up in the hallway without any of his cover-ups.
“Failing at eavesdropping,” Fred answered.
“Which of course means we have no idea how you suddenly ended up with new appendages,” George continued cheerfully. “Care to explain? Sometimes they forget, and we can listen to the meeting for a bit before they put up the spells, but today the security was really tight.”
“They were always there,” Harry admitted, smiling a little despite himself. “Maybe you just missed them. I mean, they're really very subtle.”
“I believe he just insulted us,” said Fred, looking to his brother. “Do you think he did?”
“You know, Fred? I think maybe he did!”
“Do you think we should take up the challenge?”
“Definitely,” said George. Turning back to Harry, he said cheerfully, “You, sir, are the most reprehensibly yellow-bellied, empty-headed snail-eater I have ever had the misfortune to encounter.”
Fred took up after him. “Quite. Moreover, sir, I rather think you would be better chopped up and used in one of Professor Snape's nastier concoctions. Are you offended?”
“Terribly so,” Harry said agreeably, holding Mo carefully as he executed a short bow. “I surrender to your superior abilities. I'd even walk off in a huff if I had anywhere to go.” Ron, Hermione, and Ginny had yet to say a word, he noticed uncomfortably. Ginny looked okay, somehow, but Ron and Hermione were staring, as if in shock. Come to think of it, why are Fred and George so okay with this?
“Err...I'm not going to hurt you,” he said, mainly to Ron and Hermione.
George snorted. “Really? Funny how I was convinced you were going to snarf us as soon as you got the chance. Well, I suppose you didn't eat us yesterday...”
“I don't know, George,” said Fred. “He still looks questionable to me.”
George laughed. “I suppose he might've had a change of heart since yesterday. I personally think I'd be rather tasty.”
“Umm...eww,” said Ginny, speaking for the first time.
“Oh, dear, Fred, I believe you frightened our dear sweet baby sister.”
“Awww, poor widdle Gin-gin! Did I offend your innocent little ears?”
“I think anybody would be offended by the idea of tasting your-”
“Ginny!” the three other Weasleys cut in frantically.
“- your cooking,” Ginny finished smoothly.
Harry smiled again, despite his increasing concern with his other friends' non-reaction. “Don't worry,” he said, turning to Ginny, “really I have no interest in your brothers' – cooking. Nice to meet you, by the way.” He'd eaten with her at breakfast, but they'd been on opposite ends of the table from each other.
“You too,” she said, smiling at him even as she stared.
“I'm insulted,” said Fred.
“Terribly sorry,” Tobias said, taking the twins' cue to just ignore the other two for the moment. “I'm sure any insult to your general fabulousness was entirely unintentional. I simply meant to reassure your fragile little sister as to my good intentions.”
“Hey!” Ginny said hotly.
“I know it can be hard to accept the truth, Ginny,” George said consolingly.
“I'll give you fragile,” Ginny muttered, flinging a quick curse at George, who put up his block way too slow. Next thing Tobias knew, George was gasping and blowing small black bundles out of his nose. Harry watched incredulously as the bundles unwrapped in the air and flew off, squeaking out their indignation before turning to attack George's face as full-sized bats.
“Okay, okay, okay!” George exclaimed quickly, laughing and trying to fend the creatures off with his hands and failing. “You win! You win!”
Smirking at her brother, Ginny lazily waved her wand and dismissed the bats.
“Don't mess with Ginny,” Fred said as a side to Harry.
“I'll keep that in mind,” he answered seriously, absently petting Mo's head as he felt her tug on his shirt.
“So, you ever gonna answer the question about why you have extra limbs today that you didn't have yesterday?” Ginny demanded, mock-fierce, before cracking a huge grin. “'Cause if it's anything you did by choice I am TOTALLY in.”
“Yeah, how do we get some?” asked George.
“Not on sale, unfortunately,” Tobias answered confusedly. The twins and Ginny always seemed to take things in stride, but this was...frankly amazing. Ron and Hermione still had yet to say anything, though. Looking at them, he caught Hermione's eyes, and she opened her mouth as if to speak before closing it again and breaking the eye contact. Tobias moved his gaze to Ron, and found him looking at his siblings before staring back at Harry.
“Oh, good, no competition then,” Fred answered.
“Oil of Fluxweed, you think?” George asked, turning towards his brother. “And maybe some Doxy wings?”
Oh yeah, Harry remembered. They're actually running a business.
“It's...not a spell,” he finally said uneasily. “It's just...me. They were there yesterday, I just concealed them with charms and potions and the like. I'm Unseelie Sidhe,” he finished, speaking mostly to Hermione and hoping having the information would reassure her. At her blank look, he continued. “It's a species of greater fae, related to the Little Folk, who you would call fairies.”
She nodded shortly, and he smiled a little bit.
“Anyway, I really have to get Mo to bed. See you all at breakfast?”
“Sure,” Ginny said, backing up to get out of his way.
“Goodnight,” said Hermione softly, backing up a little quicker than Ginny when he moved. Still, she seemed to be trying, so that was...good, he guessed.
Don't think about it. Just go to bed.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
I need a shower, Tobias realized as he sat down to feed Mo. Nicking his wrist on a canine, he set Mo up carefully before relaxing back in the armchair in his room. Mo was clearly sleepy, and just ate quietly before letting go and falling the rest of the way asleep. Tucking her into the portable Moses basket to sleep, he set her on the threshold between his room and the bathroom, locked the other door to the bathroom, and stripped down. After a moment's thought, he carefully unbraided his hair and brought a comb with him into the shower, hoping to get it washed and combed out properly as he hadn't managed in the last couple of weeks. I really ought to just cut it, he realized, but he knew he wouldn't. It felt like too much a part of him to just cut off, and had really given him surprisingly little trouble, for how long it was. Still, it was nice to have it actually clean and brushed out, rather than in an increasingly-gross braid.
When he got out, he took the time to dry his hair as best he could and rebraid it so it wouldn't tangle while he slept. As he finished, he caught his image in the mirror and stopped. It was the first time he'd seen himself in the mirror since he'd started wearing the charms. He'd almost forgotten how strange it had been, the first time he looked in the mirror after the horns and wings developed. He still felt normal, but he had horns, honest-to-God horns. Impulsively, he bared his teeth, almost startling again at just how obvious they were. No wonder Hermione had been frightened. And I'm going to bed, he reminded himself again. Just don't bloody think about it.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
August 15
That dream again, Tobias reflected as he woke up. I've been having that a lot, recently. It was sorta frustrating, actually. Every time, over and over, trying to get to something beyond a stupid boring corridor and waking up before he got there. He snorted. Trelawney would probably have something to say about that. 'Oh! My poor, poor boy, you are being shown your imminent and horrible death!'...behind a door. I'm worried. He got up and worked on getting ready for breakfast, deciding to take his hair down out of the braid for once. Jeez, it's almost to my knees.
For the second time, Harry was up before almost everybody else, and joined Mrs. Weasley and Bill in the kitchen with Mo. Mrs. Weasley smiled as he entered, pulling out a chair for him to sit in before asking him what he wanted for breakfast.
Meat, Harry immediately thought, but then shut that down. He wasn't quite ready to ask Mrs. Weasley to give him anything raw, yet.
“Errmm...toast?” he suggested instead.
“Butter or jam?”
Ewww milk. “Err...jam, please.”
Next to come in was Sirius, who did a brief double-take on seeing Harry before sort of nodding and tucking into the eggs Mrs. Weasley set before him. Watching him, Harry noticed that though Sirius was avoiding his eyes, he was also studying him covertly when he thought Harry wasn't paying attention. Ohh yeah, my life is going just great recently. Finishing his toast, Harry escaped back upstairs, determined to study his book and get some homework done. He'd barely sat down, though, before a knock on the door-frame alerted him to Bill's presence at the door.
“Hey, Bill,” he said, surprised.
“Hello, Tobias,” Bill said seriously. “May I come in?”
“Sure,” Tobias said uncertainly, picking Mo up as he turned his chair around and moved to sit on the bed. He motioned Bill to the vacant chair. “Sit down.” Bill sat, but just stared gravely at Harry for a moment. Feeling awkward, Harry finally said, “Soo...what's up?”
“I couldn't help but notice a certain very pretty and very illegal set of jewelry that your daughter wears,” Bill answered bluntly.
“Jewel-” Harry cut off as Bill traced the edge of his own ear with a forefinger.
“Oh.”
“Yes,” Bill said seriously. “Oh.”
“It's – it's not illegal,” Harry answered hesitantly, feeling a vague panic open up in his chest.
“What's not illegal?” Bill asked, a slight, ironic smile reaching his lips, “Wearing jewelry only permitted to a princess, or kidnapping one?”
He doesn't know about mine, Tobias reminded himself, breathing picking up. “Neither.”
“Neither is not illegal,” Bill stated, still slightly ironic even as Harry could tell he didn't find the situation funny. “That's exactly my point, though significantly less eloquently put. And it still does not explain why you're running around with a child marked as a princess.”
Tobias just stared at him, totally at a loss. Shit. What the hell do I say to that? He'd tried to keep the earrings hidden, but it was too hot to have Mo wear a hat, and her hair was too short to cover them. He'd just used a hand, most of the time, but then Molly had been holding her at dinner the night before so Harry could just eat his own food for once, and he hadn't thought of it.
“Errmm...it's not illegal,” he said finally.
“I see,” said Bill, looking intrigued. “So in other words, she is a princess, but you're not kidnapping her.”
Aaand I just made it worse.
Tobias just stared at Bill, eyes wide. Just once in his life, it would have been nice to have a random fainting fit. Finding himself totally unable to speak, Harry just met Bill's eyes and lifted a hand to push his hair behind his ear. Seeing Bill's eyes widen, he finally managed to speak.
“I- it's legal.”
Bill's eyes were huge. “Yes, your Highness.”
“Don't call me that,” Tobias instantly answered.
“Tobias-she?”
“Tobias.”
Bill hesitated, and suddenly Tobias felt really irritated. “It's a fucking order, okay?”
Bill smiled just a bit. “Tobias it is, then.”
Tobias breathed a sigh of relief. “Thanks. And sorry,” he said. As far as he knows, Dumbledore already knows everything. Just act normally.
“Don't worry about it,” Bill answered, getting up slowly. “See you at lunch. And nice hair, by the way. Mine would never grow that long.”
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Oh yeah, lunch, Tobias thought morosely when Bill left. Looking forward to it. The last thing he wanted to do was force Hermione any closer to him than she felt comfortable. It would just be painful and awkward for both of them. And in all likelihood somebody would jump on her for it, too. Like she can help being scared. I'm a fucking monster. He immediately shot back at the thought with a firm, PEOPLE, I am people. Not a monster, just different. It didn't help. As far as Hermione was concerned, he was a monster. Actually, I think I'll pass on lunch, for today. Besides, Mo was happy and relaxed on her play-mat. It would be a shame to move her.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Studying the book late in the evening – he'd finally gotten around to reading about the damned bows, as really anything was better than thinking about how his life was going- Tobias realized that he hadn't been checking for messages from the Court since he'd sent his last rather insulting message. That was probably not a good idea, he realized once again. But then, he'd known that at the time, and it had been really fun. He couldn't make himself entirely regret it. Moving quickly to that section of the book, he found a message from the Queen.
Greetings, Harry-she.
I couldn't help but notice that you have been in some rather – intense – discussions with my husband lately. I feel that these are becoming less and less productive, and so decided to intervene, if nothing more than to ask after my granddaughter. You said she was sick, but that she is alright now? You also said you found help. I can only hope that you are as safe as you claim. I must once again reassure you that you and Moriyana would come to no harm under the Court's protection. These are dangerous times, Harry-she. What will you do, if someone threatens Moriyana?
Signed, Her Majesty Sheyanan-she of the Unseelie Court.
Bitch, Harry thought before he could stop himself. She really wasn't. They were politically opposed, but the woman did actually seem to care about Moriyana, at least. Still I don't like her scare tactics much more than I care for her husband's.
To her Royal Majesty Queen Sheyanan-she of the Unseelie Court, greetings.
Forgive me, but I am out of patience for talking around things. I don't appreciate the Consort's threats anymore than I appreciate being hunted down. My life is hell because of you people, and I request once again that you leave me alone. These are, as you say, dangerous times, and I cannot see myself coming to trust you under the current conditions. Mo's fine, I'm fine, and I'm with the closest people I have to friends since I was forced to leave Madame Harlot's. In answer to your question, I would kill them.
Signed, Harry the Switch.
August 17
Well this is awkward, Tobias thought. Nobody seemed to know what to do with him, when he came downstairs, so the previous day he'd just grabbed food from the fridge and eaten in his room, but this time Molly had insisted. As supportive of him as she was being, he really couldn't refuse. So now he was stuck around a table with the Weasleys, Hermione, Sirius, and Lupin, and nobody seemed to have the slightest idea of what to say to him.
“What do you think, Tobias?” Molly asked, once again trying desperately to include him in the conversation. He really wished she wouldn't – every time she did, the table went silent. Of course, if she didn't, everybody either ignored him entirely or stared, but at least the conversation continued.
They were talking about the ministry, Tobias remembered. Ginny had just expressed the opinion that in some ways Fudge was right to worry – Dumbledore was, in fact, going behind his back in creating the Order.
“I agree with Ginny,” he finally said. “Dumbledore is more powerful and better liked, at least by young people, than Fudge. And the Order members are worth more than the Aurors, for the most part.”
Molly beamed at him, and Tobias decided that his duty for the day was done. “I've got to change Mo,” he said as an excuse, standing up to leave the table.
“H-Tobias?”
Tobias turned towards Lupin, feeling a sneer lift the edge of one lip off his canines and hearing Hermione gasp and the whole table go silent. Ohh, yeah, that just improved things. He missed Madame Harlots. Here, he couldn't even express mild annoyance without people thinking it was violent.
“I'll – try again later,” Lupin offered.
Coward, Tobias snarled to himself, turning and returning to his refuge upstairs.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
August 18
“Tobias.”
Tobias stopped on his way out of the crowded kitchen and turned towards Lupin, arms around Mo.
“What do you want, Lupin?”
Remus winced. “I am sorry.”
You really think I'm going to be okay with this? “You sold me out.”
“You'll be safer,” Remus said weakly.
And you're still trying to defend yourself? “Bullshit.” He turned toward the stairs and started to walk away.
“Language, Mr. - Bātard!”
Bastard, yourself. Tobias was already starting up the stairs, and he didn't turn.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
August 19
“Tobias, stay and talk to me, please,” Molly requested.
Can I please just sit and eat a meal without being attacked immediately afterward? Sighing, he sat back down at the table. Hermione and Ron were starting to get used to his presence, but it wasn't really an improvement. Rather than just sitting silently, they were back engaged in the conversation, but without ever talking to him. He wasn't speaking to Lupin, and Sirius didn't seem to know what to do with the two of them at the same table. Well that and his own issues with my parentage and everything else. The man barely managed to meet Tobias' eyes. It didn't make the conversation any more comfortable, even with the other Weasleys trying desperately to cover it all up. I have to talk to Sirius, he realized. He'd never get a chance to talk to the man alone if he didn't start leaving his room more. Not today, though. Apparently today I've got to talk to Mrs. Weasley.
After everybody had cleared out of the room other than Molly, she put up silencing wards and turned slowly to him.
“Harry, I wanted to talk to you about Lupin.”
“What about him?” Tobias asked, hearing it come out with an edge.
“Harry, I understand your feelings, and I'm not particularly happy with the man, either, but you're hurting him. He just wants to apologize.”
“No he doesn't,” Tobias said harshly. “He wants to explain. There's nothing he can explain to me that will make anything better.”
Molly sighed. “He made a mistake,” she said softly.
“He doesn't think so.”
“How can you know that, if you haven't let him talk to you?” Molly sounded exasperated, talking to him with both hands on her hips.
“Because the first thing he said to me was that I'll be safer!” Tobias exclaimed, only just then realizing it for himself. It only made him angrier. “What's the point of him apologizing if he thinks he did the right thing?”
“He did not mean to hurt you, Harry,” Molly implored.
“But he did mean to betray me. What's the point of having a friend if you can't trust them with something that basic?” Tobias answered angrily.
“Friends sometimes do things you don't like, because they believe that what you want is not what is best for you-”
“Yeah, and sometimes it breaks the friendship,” he informed her coldly.
Molly sighed again. “Alright, I'll leave you alone about it,” she said finally.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Dear Harry,
How are you doing? Dumbledore says you're safe, now, but also that you're not returning to Hogwarts next year. Is it true? Why didn't you tell us? I mean, Dumbledore says you'll be safer at Beauxbatons, but Hogwarts is supposed to be really safe, too. The protective wards are legendary, and of course Dumbledore is really powerful. Oh, you just can't, Harry. Ron and I will miss you terribly. I'm glad you are safe, though, and that you're back in contact with Dumbledore. We were all really worried about you. But why didn't you tell us anything?
Anyway, I need your opinion on something. There's this new guy, here, and I'm worried about him. His name is Tobias, and he's not human. Dumbledore says he's safe, but he won't tell us anything about him. The thing is, everybody trusts him, but I'm not so sure.
Harry, you know I never had a problem with Lupin, or Hagrid, but you've got to understand how this guy's different. He says he's some kind of greater fae, like a fairy, but he's huge. He's only fifteen, but already he's more than six feet tall. And he's got horns, and canines like a carnivore, but he doesn't eat any meat. And that's suspicious, isn't it? I mean, he came here pretending to be human, and now he's pretending to not eat meat. Well, I don't know he's pretending, I suppose, but why else would he have those sort of teeth?
I'm just not sure we can trust him. He hides in his room all the time, and just comes down for meals, and then he barely talks to anybody. He and Professor Lupin really don't get along, for some reason. Or, well, Professor Lupin seems to try, but Tobias just brushes him off, every time. He's even growled at him once or twice, and showed his teeth like some kind of animal. And, oh, I know that comparison sounds uncharitable, but what else am I supposed to call it? Humans don't growl.
Anyway, like I said, he really doesn't like Professor Lupin, for some reason, and Mrs. and Mr. Weasley are really nice to him. Oh, and Sirius seems kind of unsure what to do with him, too. It's like everybody knew him before, and like he's somebody important, but then everybody denies that. And that's another thing. Everybody's acting really suspicious about him. He just arrived one day, and nobody will tell me anything about him. I've asked everybody, and mostly just get a 'don't worry your little head about it' sort of response.
And then he's got a little baby with him, even though he's only fifteen, which isn't really responsible in any case. But I don't know, maybe he's not really fifteen? Or maybe that's okay, among his kind? He's really nice to her, in any case, but then she's his daughter, and one of his own kind. How can we know who he's loyal to, really? I just can't trust him, not entirely, and now everybody thinks I'm prejudiced against non-humans. I got in a big argument with Ginny about it yesterday. I'm not saying that we shouldn't trust him just because he's not human, but nobody seems to want to tell me the truth about him, either, so what am I supposed to think? But then nobody will listen to me because they think I'm just scared and prejudiced. And okay, maybe he does make me a little nervous, but that certainly doesn't mean I should just throw away all logic and automatically trust everything he says.
What do you think? Doesn't it seem strange, to you?
Sincerely, Hermione Granger
Tobias reread the letter, smiling without joy. Poor Hermione. Damn she's smart. What was he supposed to say to her? She was absolutely right- his story was fishy, everybody did know him, he was hiding the fact that he usually ate raw meat, and he didn't know who he was loyal to, anymore, so how could she? And I was right. She is scared of me. Her behavior kind of pissed him off sometimes – if she was so suspicious, why didn't she just talk to him instead of all the adults? - but the letter was just so Hermione. It sounded half like a letter, and half like a critical essay. And it really wasn't her fault that he made her uncomfortable. Suddenly curious, he started his letter back.
Dear Hermione,
I'm doing fine, but yes, it's true that I'm not coming back to Hogwarts. The Ministry is really suspicious of me, right now, and between them and Voldemort, Dumbledore decided that I would be safer at Beauxbatons. Who knows, maybe I'll meet up with old Fleur Delacour again. I'm sorry I didn't tell you before Dumbledore, but I only found out just recently, too. I'm going to miss you, too. I told Dumbledore how much this plan sucks, but he didn't seem particularly concerned. Sometimes it seems like he doesn't give a damn about me as long as I'm alive.
And isn't that true, Tobias reflected, thinking over Dumbledore's continued avoidance of him. He knew that the man had been in and out of the Order headquarters in the last couple of days, but Tobias hadn't seen him since the eventful Order meeting earlier that week. He hadn't said a word about Tobias' People status, or Mo, or anything.
This Tobias person sounds interesting. You said he had horns, and sharp teeth? He sounds hideous. And he does sound kind of suspicious to me. I'm surprised to hear that you're the only one worried about him, honestly, but then we've been wrong before. It almost sounds more like Dumbledore's hiding something, than that he is. Or, at least, that he's hiding anything from Dumbledore. Why isn't anybody else scared of him? Do you know? As for what to do about it, have you considered talking to him about it? Maybe he'll be more willing to share than everybody else.
And maybe he's noticed that you haven't managed to bring yourself to talk to him since he stopped wearing charms and taking potions. She hadn't mentioned his wings, he noticed. That actually made sense. The wings really weren't the scariest part of the whole getup, in his opinion. They were...almost external, somehow. Not to him, certainly – they just felt like his other limbs – but to someone else? Without the horns and teeth, he could be a human who just happened to have wings, but somehow the teeth, especially, were an integral part of his body. And as Hermione had pointed out, they marked him as a carnivore. Well, partially, Tobias reflected. He liked bread, and some veggies, but he'd figured out quite quickly that he liked a lot of meat in his diet. He was getting hungry, without it.
Casting a quick mirror charm, Tobias once again studied his face in the mirror, and was once again mildly surprised by what he saw. Wings, check, big teeth, check, horns, check. Somehow he forgot about the marks on his cheeks most often. Well, I can't feel them like the other stuff, I guess.
I look savage, he realized, staring into the mirror. The ministry would label him 'creature' in a heartbeat. But I'm not going to, he reminded himself fiercely, baring his teeth fully in the mirror. And they can't either, not if they want to keep their diplomatic ties. They could think it, and even be rather obvious about it within their own borders, but they couldn't actually legislate on it. If he'd learned anything from the Heir book it was that the Courts, and not the Ministry, were responsible for the People.
But it wasn't really the ministry that mattered. The ministry was an it. Hermione and Ron were people. They were his friends. And they were frightened of him.
Just out of curiosity, what makes you so nervous about the guy? I mean, he sounds ugly, but what makes him scary?
Like I honestly want to know that. I have no sense of self-preservation. Deciding he was done, he scribbled a quick, Your friend, Harry, at the end and left it. Jeez, I've got a lot of names, he reflected, handing the letter to Hedwig. Harry Potter, Harry the Switch, Harry-she, Tobias Batard, Tobias-she. Who the bloody hell am I?
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
August 20
A knock on the door made Tobias look up from feeding Mo. He considered not answering – nobody knew, yet, that she drank blood any more than they knew that he usually ate meat, but then he realized who it was and sighed. Molly would want him to let the man in, and it had been a week. Maybe if I let him say his piece, he'll leave me alone.
“Don't give me any reason to think you're a threat, Lupin,” he called through the door.
Apparently taking this for consent, Lupin opened the door to Tobias' room and looked in. Tobias didn't look up. He'd had very little time to just spend with Mo, recently. He wasn't going to ignore her just because some werewolf wanted to talk to him.
“H-Tobias, please. It's been a week. Won't you talk to me?”
“I don't really think there's anything you can say to make this better, but you're free to try,” Tobias answered, still without looking up from Mo. She'd grabbed one of his sleeves in one hand as she ate, but otherwise all of her limbs were wrapped up in the tight little bundle that was her version of the fetal position. He never got over how fragile she looked that way.
Lupin came in the rest of the way, then closed and silenced the door. “Why are you so angry with me? The secret was bound to come out sometime, Harry. And Dumbledore needed to know.”
“You want to know why I am angry?” Tobias asked, incredulous. “You can't guess?”
Lupin sighed. “I know you think I betrayed you, Tobias, but I never meant for it to harm you, at all.”
Tobias tried to remain calm and focus on Mo, but he could feel his anger rising. “Didn't mean for it to harm me? How could it not? If nothing else you deliberately betrayed my secrets and invaded my privacy.”
“To Dumbledore, Harry,” Lupin said.
“Yes, to Dumbledore,” Tobias said sarcastically. “And nobody else in the room heard or noticed a damned thing, I'm sure.”
Lupin winced. “That was...done badly. I admit that I should have told Dumbledore in private.”
“You should not have told Dumbledore at all. It was my secret to tell, regardless.”
“And if you never did? Dumbledore needed to know, Harry.”
“If I never did, then Dumbledore would never know. It wasn't his business in the first place, and it certainly wasn't your business to tell him.” How was Lupin not getting this? How simple could he possibly make it?
“He can protect you better, if he knows more about you. It was your safety, Harry.”
“Exactly, Lupin. It was MY safety, and you betrayed me. I had the right to make the choice between being safe and keeping my privacy. If this even is safer. It wasn't your choice to make. And anyway it doesn't bloody matter. You just don't do that.”
“Don't what?”
Tobias paused, wanting to get this right. How could he do that to me? And now the man clearly thought he was in the right. Which is absurd. What Lupin had done to him was wrong, on that much, he was completely clear, but why? Why did he feel so betrayed? What was so fundamentally wrong about what Lupin had done? He wanted to protect me. He thought that this was a dangerous secret to keep, and wanted to protect me.
And yet, for Tobias, nothing merited Lupin telling people what he was. Nothing. But why? And why do I feel like it's worse that it was Lupin, and not Sirius? Lupin had his own secrets to keep, or at least he had before. Why didn't Lupin get this? Madame Harlot would have, so would've Bighana. Hell, even Bighana's little daughter Ran would have known. You just don't do that. What don't you do?
“You don't betray one of us to the humans,” Tobias finally said.
“'The humans', Harry?”
Tobias stared at him, a sinking feeling in his chest. Why do I get the feeling he's not going to like this?
“Yes. 'The humans,' Lupin. As in, not me, and not you.”
Lupin stared back, then spoke slowly, but with growing anger. “I'm afraid I don't understand.”
What can you not understand? Tobias stared at Lupin and spoke slowly, as if to a toddler. “We,” he said, pointing between himself and Lupin, “are People. Not humans. We live among the humans, and are friends with them, but we aren't human, and don't fall under Ministry jurisdiction. We are different.”
“Only if you allow yourself to be,” Lupin answered.
Tobias stared at the man, starting to feel vaguely disgusted. Of course. He's been hiding who he is for his entire life. Everybody thinks he's human, when he's not in wolf form. “You mean if I don't choose to pretend like you do, Lupin? Only if I don't hide my strength, and my instincts? Control my facial expressions, my every gesture? Does Dumbledore know that you could rip him in half, Lupin? That you could rip me in half? Or was that not relevant to the Order?”
“Dumbledore knows, not that it's relevant.”
“Of course it's relevant! How are you ever going to know if your friends are real if you don't show them who and what you really are?”
“You mean like you were going to, Tobias?”
“Yes, Lupin. Like I would have. Eventually. Slowly. If you hadn't decided to announce it to half the fucking Order before I ever got a chance to say anything at all.”
“Watch your language.”
Tobias just stared at the man, disgusted. He really doesn't get it. “What do you tell people, Remus? That you're 'just as good' as the humans? That as long as they think you're human, it doesn't matter? Don't ask, don't fucking tell?”
“You,” Lupin said, pointing at him, “are not trying to get a job. It's easy to say that I should be 'out' when you've got a trust vault.”
“So hide yourself at work! What do I fucking care? It's a little cautious, but whatever, that's life and necessity. But your friends, Lupin? Hell, yourself? You won't even acknowledge that the two of us have something in common! It's like you think I'm the weird one, the nonhuman, and you're one of the humans!”
“I never said that!”
“You might as well have! I'm 'not human,' Lupin? What are you, then?”
Lupin's voice came out artificially light, and Tobias could hear the anger in it. “Personally, I like James' description. I have a 'little furry problem'.”
“You're delusional.”
The anger won out. “How dare you-”
“You're a werewolf, Lupin. Not a human that just 'happens' to turn furry once a month. Neither of us is human. We can either accept that, and be People, and join a community of those like ourselves, or we can delude ourselves by trying to be human and allowing those no better than us to treat us as second-class citizens.”
“I am not deluding myself, Tobias. I know I am not human. I also know that I don't have to make it my entire life.”
“You'd rather spend your life pretending to be human?”
“Yes! Yes, I would. My life is much easier this way.”
Tobias just stared at him. “Fine, you're not delusional. You're a coward,” he said finally, hearing his own voice come out cold as ice. “Get out.”