Harry hated Christmas. Being stuffed up the chimney by Dudley was his first memory of Christmas, and the rest held similar nightmares. That is, all the rest except for the ones at Hogwarts. Sometimes he'd had to spend Christmas alone, but twice Ron had stayed with him, and his friends... well, his former friends had always made sure he'd gotten gifts. Last year the Weasley's had given Harry one of Percy's old black coats. It had been very nice and well kept. Dudley had thrashed it of course.

Sitting on a low window ledge in the Great Hall after lunch, Harry watched as students had a snowball fight out on the grounds. He thought that he'd very much like to join them, but Decklan was out there, and so were Ron and Hermione. He wasn't wanted. What if he just showed up and asked to play? No, that wouldn't go so well. Look what had happened when he'd asked Professor Flitwick to help decorate the tree there in the corner?

Harry's eyes wandered over to Flitwick, who was still standing on a ladder and decorating the tree with charms. Luna Lovegood and Neville Longbottom were helping him from the ground, choosing decorations and colors, and where to place them. They hadn't even been there when Harry had asked forty minutes ago. "No, I think not Mr. Potter," was all Professor Flitwick said to him. Harry sighed. He wasn't worthy to decorate a stupid tree. Wasn't worthy of anybody's company. Biting his lip he turned back to looking out the window. Trees be damned. Who cared if he'd never been allowed to decorate one before?

Anger suddenly filled him and he turned to watch the tree decorating again. There were several trees around the hall, and even Draco and Pansy were in the other corner at a smaller tree lifting Slytherin green ornaments onto its branches. Draco had always been nasty to him, but he still got to decorate!

Pulling his wand out of his sleeve, Harry discreetly aimed it at the box of tiny red ornaments at the base of Flitwick's ladder. He'd decorate if he wanted to... just after everybody else had left. When he was sure none of the other few students in the hall sitting at tables playing games or writing letters were watching, he accioed one of the small orbs right into his hand. No one had seen... good.

Peering down at it he noted his distorted reflection in the frosted glass. He hated what he saw there, and figured that he might as well really look that way for all anybody else cared. Maybe that's what the Dursley's saw when they looked at him. They saw the truth. They saw a misfit.

He closed his hand around the glass orb, completely concealing it because it was so small, and went back to staring out the window as laughter could be heard from outside. His face was stony and emotionless, but inside he swelled up with injustice at the thought that he could never be normal like them. Never normal.

Professor Severus Snape wished he had found as peaceful a scene as Harry simply sitting by the window looking depressed, but instead he found a shouting match between Harry and Professor Flitwick. The 20 students sitting around the hall had all turned to stare.

"That is theft young man and I will not stand for it!"

"I didn't, steal anything!" Harry shouted, raising his voice an octave above Flitwick's, which wasn't hard because the man's voice was often described as a squeak. Severus observed that if Harry wanted to he could have towered over the man had he come close enough, but he remained by the wall of windows standing his ground and looking cornered. Severus narrowed his eyes slightly as he took in the child's stance. Anger radiated off of him, but there was something else also, and Severus tried to brush away the notion that it might have been fear. These days Harry feared no one.

"Give it back this instant and then go straight to detention Potter!"

Harry's face scrunched up, and Severus knew what was going to happen a split second before it did. Harry raised his arm and threw the ornament to the hard stone floor, shattering it beyond repair by magic.

"Oh!" Flitwick squeaked in surprise and Severus knew why. These same ornaments had been used on Christmas trees at Hogwarts for nearly two centuries. Every year they added some new ones, but they always continued to use the old as well, to remember Christmases past.

Filius was turning red now and Severus chose this moment to step into the scene. They had thousands of ornaments from the past and the tradition would live on, but Potter might not if he made the Charms Master angry enough. Severus had never seen it happen before, but there was a first time for everything.

"Might I enquire as to what is happening here?"

While Filius tried to compose himself long enough to speak, Severus glanced over at Potter, who was standing stock still and emotionless now. He'd seen the boy like this on countless occasions, and thought it was rather like the boy had simply checked out of reality.

The last thing that Harry heard after Snape's question to Professor Flitwick was, "That boy! He's ruining Christmas!" And then he spaced out and didn't hear anything again until Snape prodded him to move out of the hall and off to detention. Only it wasn't detention they were going to, as Harry soon found out.

For the first time in Harry's memory, he was asked to take a seat in Professor Snape's office. Not demanded, but asked, and asked about his side of the story. So it was true... there really was a first time for everything.

Harry wasn't sure why he was feeling so calm, but he was, and was grateful, because anger directed at the Potions Master always lead to more trouble than it was worth. But as he started to mull things over as he tried to form a response, the hot coal of anger began to heat again in his stomach.

"He wouldn't let me decorate Professor! I didn't steal anything! I was going to put it on the tree after he left!" He was so angry he felt like jumping out of his seat was called for as he told his side of things, but stayed seated nonetheless.

"Was smashing the 700 year old ornament of Gryffindor house called for?"

"Well if I couldn't put it on the tree why should anybody else? It's not like I'd done anything wrong before that! I even asked nicely!" And it was true, because he really had. He'd had no attitude when he'd gone to Professor Flitwick to ask. He'd simply looked up and quietly asked if he could put one up.

"I gather he said no?"

Harry crossed his arms and looked away. "Nothing new there."

Severus sighed as Potter continued to stare at the edge of his desk, frown firmly in place. Yes the teen had done something wrong in smashing the ornament, but perhaps it was not because he meant to do wrong, but rather because he did not know of, or could not think of another way to deal with his anger. While the boy had always been a little on the defiant side (the annoyingly defiant), he had never been one to just give into his anger like he had done consistently this year. Interesting how one could forget a lifetime of learning how to handle issues. Or perhaps he was just choosing to do things a different way.

"Mr. Potter. You will go back up to the Great Hall and you will apologize to Professor Flitwick... politely," he added with a stern look at Harry's stunned look.

"What!? But he-" Severus stood up, towering over Harry and cut him off. He had not said sir.

Despite that Severus hadn't said anything, Harry grumbled something as he looked back to the floor, and then said, "Yes sir. What's my detention after that?"

"I have not yet decided Mr. Potter. Go and do as I have said and then go to your common room until dinner."

Harry mumbled a quiet "Yes sir," and then was gone.

Severus sat back down and stared at the second string team roster sitting on his desk. He'd been working on it before he'd gone up to the Great Hall in search of Decklan, but now he stared at it unseeingly. He had been given the task of punisher in order to try to instill some fear and respect into the boy. Obviously punishment was not working, as the child was still having as many issues as he'd had before, aside from on Fridays.

He frowned and took note of what he was staring at. Potter had been good for the chance to keep coming to practices. He wanted to play. Hm. How interesting that he would behave for a chance to play for a bunch of second stringers when he could have stayed on the Gryffindor team if only he'd behaved in the first place.

Whatever his reasoning, the boy was willing to stay out of trouble for a chance to play again. Perhaps they'd been going about this all wrong. Punishing undesired behavior was not doing the trick, and (although he despised the idea of changing tactics) Severus wondered if rewarding the desirable behavior was a better way.

Noting the change he'd made in the roster, he eyed the empty Beater spot. Elissa had been moved up to first string when Devon Cornby's grades had dropped and his parents had taken him off the team. "Fool," he said to himself as he scratched Harry's name down in the empty space with a quill, just to see if he could get a feel for what it would be to have the boy on the team. Despite belief to the contrary, the ceiling did not fall in, and a headache did not start in at having his name there. Hm.

Leaning back in his chair with his hands behind his head, Severus remained deep in thought about the change he would try to enact after Christmas holiday. Loathe as he was to admit it, he perhaps cared about what happened to the blasted brat after having to spend so much time with him in detention. If for nothing else, he wanted to show everybody that he would be the one to turn the child around. He hoped he could.

* * *

Harry had already hexed the annoyingly loud clock silent. There he sat in the common room all alone with the damned thing ticking, the only sound he had to keep him company. Every single Gryffindor had gone home that year except for him. He didn't even have Hedwig to pet. He wouldn't after what Uncle Vernon had done to her.

Jumping up suddenly with the need to move burning inside him, Harry paced. I hate Christmas. I hate Christmas. I hate Christmas. He thought it with each turn. More than that he hated everyone for leaving him there alone. Not that it mattered. He had chased them all away, hadn't he? He had chased the Dursleys off after all with his ‘freakishness.' He wrinkled his nose at the dirty word. Even in the wizarding world he could never just be normal. People always staring at his scar, talking behind his back about every move he made. Even Ron and Hermione did it to him when they thought he wasn't within earshot. Always talking about him. The Dursley's did it, and they had taken off. Ron and Hermione did it, and so did the rest of the school. What silly thing had ever made him think that they wouldn't just off and abandon him? He didn't know, but as he stood there now in the midst of the empty, lonely common room, he wished he could have that belief back, just for tonight. He hated Christmas. He hated being alone. Always alone.

Running a hand through his messy hair, Harry decided to make a trek up to the Library. He'd been granted provisional use of it again provided there were no more book ripping incidents. Hermione read when she was upset. Maybe it would work for him. If it didn't then he was considering donning Ron's old coat and trekking out into the four foot deep snow with his broom to practice in the second string's makeshift pitch.

The library was quiet, and while Harry was sure Madam Pince was there somewhere because the doors were unlocked, she was nowhere in sight. Just the fact that he knew someone else was there somewhere made him feel a little more relaxed. Maybe he could pretend like he'd been invited there... pretend like he was wanted somewhere.

Not sure what he wanted to read, Harry went to a part of the library he'd never been to and began walking down the isles, reading book spines as he went, fingers brushing them lightly. He had just paused at an aging book with the title, ‘Fogwarts Guide To Hogwarts,' when he heard a noise like someone scoffing behind him. Dropping his fingers, he turned expecting to find Madam Pince keeping an eye on him with her precious books, but found Draco instead.

The blond's arms were crossed as he leaned against the end of a tall bookshelf. "Come to destroy something else Potter?"

Harry frowned. He really wasn't in the mood for this. He wanted company, but Draco wasn't it. Turning to go back to searching for a book, Harry was stopped by a cruel taunt, clearly aimed at getting him riled up.

"You know, people never wanted to be around you anyway, even before you went pratt this year. I could see it in the eyes of your pathetic friends every time they looked at you. It was pity why they stayed you know, but pity couldn't keep them around forever when you're just that repulsive."

Harry turned to give the git a piece of his mind but the boy had already gone, knowing he'd pushed just the right buttons and not wanting to stick around for the fall out. Harry was breathing hard, and his heart felt funny beating the way it was in his chest.

Having the urge to pull books off their places on the shelves haphazardly and begin ripping into them, Harry hurried from the library before he had the chance to do it, unaware that Madam Pince had heard everything, and that her eyes had followed him out.

Rushing through darkened halls Harry was reminded every now and again that it was Christmas eve as he spied someone in a portrait wearing a Santa hat or saw decorations in the hallways. And with Draco's words echoing in his ears, he was reminded that he was alone, and that nobody understood. God what he'd give for just one person to understand. Just one person to give a damn about him. How could he care about himself if no one else valued him?

Finally out of breath from fast walking halfway around the castle, Harry stopped and doubled over, too hurt and upset to know what to do. All he wanted was somebody to be with right now. Yeah, like that would happen. The only person he could count on spending time with was Snape if he got detention... wait. Snape!

Hurring toward McGonagall's office Harry tried to think of a way to get himself into detention. He was sure she'd be in her office or her quarters which were just down the hall. Really all he'd have to do was create some sort of racket to get her to come out.

Finally in the right corridor halfway between her office and quarters, Harry looked for something to throw about, but there was nothing. He could rip a banner off the wall, but that wouldn't make enough noise and he hated to damage things just for the sake of damaging them.

Despite trying to suppress Draco's voice from creeping up on him in the back of his mind again, the Slytherin's words crept in again and made Harry start to fume. He really would have liked to have given the other boy some harsh words. Well... he might as well shout them anyway now that he had need of making noise. The Professors hated it when he cussed, and he knew from experience that was worth a one way ticket to the dungeons.

"Shite! Stupid bloody piece of sodding pratt!" He knew he wasn't making any sense, but it was how he felt... every day. Confused, jumbled, mixed up. "Biggest sod to ever walk the earth! What a filthy little..."

"Mr. Potter!"

Harry spun from where he'd been standing and shouting at the top of his lungs to the ceiling and an invisible Draco.

"Yes Maam?" Harry said with a smile, hands behind his back.

She eyed him carefully.

"Guess you'll just have to give me detention won't you Professor?" Harry asked cockily.

She tilted her head sideways and said quietly, "Not today Mr. Potter. Not on Christmas."

She turned to walk away, but was stopped in her tracks by Harry's angry, raised voice.

"I hate you!" He was so mad. Why didn't she understand? Why couldn't she just send him to Snape?

Turning slowly with a sadness in her eyes that startled Harry, making him stand up straight and completely still, she said calmly, "I hate you too Mr. Potter," and then she turned and was gone.

What? He didn't actually hate her... it was just something that had slipped because his emotions had taken hold of him... but she hated him? His head of house hated him? Her words had been calm and considered. He knew he was disliked, but he had been wrong. He knew now that he was hated and that knowledge gripped him again, just like it had done over the summer with the Dursleys, or rather, without them.

Feeling defeated and angry and lost all at the same time, Harry was finally ready to burst with the emotions demanding to be let out. Shouting curses hadn't helped. Shouting he hated his head of house hadn't helped. Nothing had helped and nothing ever would, and that made him even angrier.

Being only two floors above the Entrance Hall, Harry hurried down sets of steps as fast as he could. The only thing he could think of now was to venture outside as he had planned earlier, but upon opening the doors to the outside world he found a blizzard and knew he'd die if he went out in it, even with Ron's coat.

Shutting the doors heavily, Harry turned to the only human like thing in sight: a large suit of armor, and began kicking it. It hurt his feet and fists to pummel the stupid thing, but he ignored the pain and racket he was making and continued trying to take his frustration out on it. It creaked and groaned in response to his abuse of it, and while he thought it might come to life as the suits of armor sometimes did and pummel him back, he almost hoped it did. Then maybe he could spend Christmas asleep and without any feelings at all. He could only hope.

With a final gargantuan push that took all of his strength Harry was able to knock the two hundred pound thing to the ground, clanking echoing throughout the entryway, and continued kicking it until a strong pair of hands gripped his shoulders and pulled him away.

"Ugh! Let go! Let go!" He struggled to kick it some more, but was being held tight despite his curses of anger.

"Calm yourself Potter."

The words and sound of the voice was unexpected and it took Harry's mind a few moments of struggling to register it. It was Snape, and he went lax, feeling too defeated to keep fighting. He didn't even consider how this man was suddenly having this effect on him this year.

Snape let go and from behind Harry said, "I believe you have earned yourself detention Mr. Potter."

"Yes sir." Severus wasn't sure, but the teen's voice sounded choked, and he wondered what had riled him so.

"Follow me."

A few minutes later Severus had set the boy to scrubbing floors. It was nearly eleven o'clock already, and he wanted to go to bed rather than keep the Gryffindor there all night for the vandalism he'd inflicted on Sir. Ganfrey's armor, but he was too busy observing Harry with curiosity to think overmuch on it.

The child had undoubtedly been crying to some extent, and it amazed him that as Harry filled a bucket with water from the sink in the back of the Potion's room, and got on his hands and knees to scrub, he was calming down. He wiped his eyes across his sleeve and barely even seemed to notice his Professor was there at all it seemed. Was it something about the methodic back and forth of the scrubbing that was helping him, or something else? As Severus thought about it and about his earlier decision a few days ago to consider putting Harry on the team as a reward for any good behavior, Harry scrubbed the floors and was deep in thought himself.

It was ok now. He was with Snape. Even with that absurd thought Harry smiled. He didn't know why. Didn't know why being with Snape was a good thing other than that he didn't have to spend this night alone. Another absurd thought struck him as he slowly made his way towards one corner of the room: this was the best Christmas present he'd have this year. It was the only one he had.