Chapter 6 - Starving

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The first few weeks back at Privet Drive all was well. Uncle Vernon tried to avoid Harry most of the time and made Dudley do the same. Harry was glad that he didn't have to deal with his Uncle because he had become rather slow in doing his chores, and the slaps Aunt Petunia gave him hurt a lot less than the whacks he normally got from Uncle Vernon for not finishing them in time. He didn't remember it being that difficult and strenuous to clean and sweep and dust and cook. He had to concentrate very hard in order not to forget what he was supposed to do, or how certain things worked. He kept forgetting what he had done mere seconds before, and after he had burned the food he had to cook for his family the second time in a row, his Aunt allowed him to skip this task. She wasn't keen on the boy burning down the house. Honestly, while it was indeed nice not having to deal with all the strange quirks of her nephew any more, his state of only being half-aware of his surroundings made it quite difficult to deal with a drugged Harry.

Harry himself didn't realize how much he had changed due to the medicine. Of course, he knew that he tended to be slower than usual and that things he needed to do had to be told him twice (or even more times). However, he wasn't aware that he was in some sort of trance all of the time, that his movements were similar to that of a robot, that his facial expression was almost frozen, and that he hadn't felt a real emotion in weeks.

It wasn't until shortly after Christmas that things started to go downhill again.

###

Harry had spend most of the holiday in his cupboard, being grateful that he was allowed to doze all day and not having to work. The Dursley's didn't want their Christmas being disturbed by the freak and had decided to lock him up. In previous years, Harry had normally been allowed to join the family at least for Christmas Dinner, but Vernon and Petunia had decided that poor little Dudley had suffered under the boy more than enough and that he deserved a freak-free holiday, even if that meant that Petunia had to do all the dishes on her own.

The break the body had gotten over the holidays had been enough for the voice - the demon - to gather sufficient strength and it decided to launch a new attack at the boy, the boy who was the reason for its current state, for its existence.

The new injuries the boy's face and head sustained went unnoticed, since two days prior Uncle Vernon had decided to teach the freak a lesson (he had threatened Dudley by looking at him strangely, at least that had been Vernon's opinion) and his face was bruised in several places anyway. The weekly visit of Dr Green had to be postponed for this very reason, and when Harry next saw the Doctor, neither the bruises caused by his Uncle nor the injuries he had done to himself were visible anymore, thanks to his body's wonderful (almost magical!) ability to heal every damage rather quickly.

But even if it wasn't noticed by anyone, not even by Harry himself, the experience that under the influence of drugs the demon in Harry's head needed almost a month to recover from doing only a little bit of damage to his enemy lead to a change in its tactics.

The one and only goal the demon - the voice, the other mind, the fragment of Voldemort attached to Harry's brain - had was to destroy the enemy, to hurt and kill and torture and slaughter. It was its destiny. And while this peace of a soul couldn't be called self-aware or really sentient at all, it did have once been part of the vilest wizard in recent history, and the desire to murder hadn't been diminished by its rupture from the main part of the soul it once belonged to.

There were so many different ways in which one could hurt human beings, so if one approach wasn't successful, you just had to try a different one.

And so it was that during mid-February Harry stopped eating. Starving was a rather interesting way of killing someone, wasn't it?

Harry had been thin, almost undernourished, all his life. Well, at least since he had lived with the Dursley's. This was partly due to mostly getting leftovers, but also because of a quick metabolism inherited by his father, and the amount of energy the foreign soul-part nesting in his head absorbed.

Since he had started taking Haldol, though, Harry had gained almost 7 kg, which was very much for a young and relatively small little boy, and which had led to Dudley's trousers (from three years ago) fitted Harry perfectly now. It wasn't unusual for someone who had to take antipsychotics to gain weight, and since Harry was still well inside the normal range for his age and height, Dr Green hadn't considered it troublesome, quiet the contrary, everything that made Harry look less ill was regarded as desirable.

During the next few weeks, though, he noticed that the boy became thinner again. He didn't worry, it was entirely possible that the boy had a growth spurt. And if something else was happening, Mrs Dursley would tell him, wouldn't she?

Petunia had noticed that the boy refused to eat. At first, she hadn't thought anything about it. The boy would eat when he was really hungry, and if he thought that he could blackmail her by refusing to eat, than he was very wrong. He would get two slices of toast in the morning, some bread for lunch and the leftovers from dinner as supper. If he thought this wasn't good enough for a freak like him, than he would soon notice that she wouldn't provide him with fancy meals like he had likely gotten in hospital. And if he hoped to be allowed to skip chores in return for eating again, well, this wasn't going to happen either.

Once or twice, Petunia saw the boy choking down a few bits of old bread while doing the dishes, and this seemed to prove her theory that the boy was blackmailing her. Pretending to starve while he was eating in secret, ha! As if she, Petunia, would fall for something like that! This deceitful little urchin! Petunia would just pretend she didn't care whether or not the freak ate anything at all! - Well, there wasn't much pretending required, really. - And it wasn't as if it would be this bad when he would loose a few pounds, after all, he had gained a lot of weight during his stay in hospital!

Harry didn't really understand what was going on. He was hungry, very hungry, but he couldn't eat. When he tried, an invisible force seemed to choke him, to throttle him, and he felt dizzy and sick and his head hurt, it was just impossible. He tried, nevertheless, being hungry wasn't one of his favourite feelings, and it was even worse when you were given food but not being allowed to eat it as if you were locked into the cupboard and not having an opportunity to eat something! Sometimes, he managed to swallow some pieces of bread or even a little bit from his dinner he would get after Dudley had finished before he was strangled again, but most of the time something - someone - prevented him from eating at all. He knew that sometimes his Uncle got mad when he ate too much of Dudley's food, but he had never choked him for eating, just yelled and slapped him perhaps. Additionally, Uncle Vernon didn't seem to be somewhere near him most of the time this things happened, and neither did Aunt Petunia or Dudley. He was confused. Who was banning him from eating? He was hungry!

Unfortunately for everyone involved, Dr Green had been on holiday almost the entire March. Harry had to visit a different doctor during this time, of course, but this doctor didn't know him very well, and he had certainly not seen him very often before that month. And he had enough of his own patients, too, and this boy wasn't his responsibility! He made sure that he got his injections and prescribed him the medicine Dr Green had dosed him with, but he wouldn't interfere with the boy's treatment otherwise. His colleague was competent enough and surely he knew what he was doing.

So it was that Dr Green was in for a shock when he saw Harry for the first time after four weeks of holidays on the Canary Islands.

"Hello Mrs Dursley, hello Harry, nice to see you again!"

"Dr Green, I hope you had a nice holiday!"

"Oh yes, it was quite restful and it was wonderful to escape all the mud and rain here... Harry, how are you?"

"I'm fine. The other doctor gave me injections."

"Yes, my boy, I told him to do it. It was the same medicine that you've gotten all along, there haven't been any difficulties, have there?"

"No, everything was just fine, well..." Petunia Dursley didn't really know what to say. She knew the boy was significantly thinner than last time, hell, perhaps even thinner than he had been before he had started to get all the medicine, but what was there that she could have done? Harry just didn't want to eat, and surely it wasn't right to let a child blackmail you! This was a child therapist, well, sort of, so surely he would think similarly?

"Harry, why don't you go play or colour while your Aunt and I talk? I'll call you when we have finished and then your Aunt can wait outside while we have our talk and you get your injection, all right?"

"Yes ok. But don't want to colour. Just reading."

"That's fine Harry, you know where the books are."

The doctor turned to Petunia. "I must admit, I'm a bit... worried. Harry has become so thin during my absence... has there anything happened?"

"Well, no, not really... he just refuses to eat, I think... I don't really know, I think he is just trying to get what he wants! I have caught him eating something secretly lots of times, but when we eat breakfast or when I give him his lunch or anything to eat at all, he just refuses! I don't know why, it started a while ago..."

"Hmm... well, it would be unusual for a 9-year-old to go to such length in order to get his own way. Turning down food for a day or two, that nothing out of the ordinary, but this must be going on for weeks, perhaps even month, for him to become this thin. It's quite alarming, really... Why haven't you told me before?"

"It didn't start until you were on holiday!" Petunia answered, indignant that the Doctor would accuse her of not taking proper care of the boy. And surely you couldn't really count the weeks before the Doctor's holiday anyway, since she had SEEN the boy eating, even if it weren't during mealtimes! „And he did eat, after all. I don't know, perhaps he just looses all the weight he gained due to the medicine! And I really tried to convince him to eat more, but you can't very well force a child to do so! And you can't let a child blackmailing you, can you?"

"Surely you are right, and I don't want to imply that you don't pay enough attention to Harry's eating habits. After all, you have another child to look after, and it surely isn't easy to fulfill the needs of both children... especially since Harry requires so much attention anyway. Can't be easy for little Dudley to constantly have to compete with his cousin for attention... No, I was just curious whether or not there have been problems you weren't comfortable enough to discuss? Or whether there have been more problems than usual? Have you noticed anything else about the boy, apart from his changed eating habits? And has he demanded anything in return for starting eating again?"

"Well, no, I haven't notice anything else... he hasn't hurt himself or anything like this, the medicine really helps with that! And otherwise... well, he seems to be mentally absent, day-dreaming, very often, but he had done this forever, I have told you already..."

"Ok, I'll talk with the boy later, perhaps I can find a reason for this behaviour... he hasn't mentioned anything about wanting to loose weight, has he?"

"No, he never indicated something like this."

"Ok, it would have been unusual anyway... I think we just have to observe him. Try to make him eat as much as possible, I know little boys can be rather stubborn," he chuckled, „but it's important that he doesn't lose much more weight. I will weigh him every time I see him, and hopefully we'll be able to stop any further reduction of his weight. I think that's all for now... have you anything else, any questions?"

"No, I don't think so... apart from his eating, everything is just fine... should I wait outside while you talk with Harry?"

"That would be ideal, thank you very much for you cooperation, Mrs Dursley! - Harry?... HARRY?"

"Yes?"

"I would like to talk to you a bit, want to come sit with me?"

"Ok..."

"Well, Harry, I've noticed that you have become rather thin over the last few weeks... what's the matter, lad?

"Nothing 's matter."

"Hm, I can't quite believe this... your aunt told me you don't want to eat anymore?"

"'f course I want to eat!"

"But your aunt said that you haven't eaten very much during the last few weeks. And you have become quite thin!"

Harry shrugged with his shoulders. Wasn't his fault that he wasn't allowed to eat! "Harry, this is important... you'll get ill if you just stop eating. Tell me, aren't you hungry or do you want to loose weight or why is it that you have lost weight?"

"Don't know... not 'llowed..."

"You are not allowed to eat? Who told you this?"

"Don't know... don't want to talk 'bout it."

"Hm, but it's important that you tell me who has forbidden you to eat. After all, we can't let him continue doing so, can we?"

"I don't want to talk about it!"

"Harry, please calm down. I assure you you ARE allowed to eat! You are even required to eat as much as you can! If you don't start doing so again soon, you have to come back to hospital. You don't want this, do you?"

"Don't know... doesn't matter." This wasn't even completely lied. He surely hadn't enjoyed most of his time he had to stay here, but at least he had had his own bed and had been able to walk around, even if he hadn't been allowed to go outside... of course, it had NOT been nice being tied to the bed all of the time... Harry wasn't sure what was worse, being locked in the cupboard or being tied to the bed. But in the cupboard, he was at least able move and he didn't feel completely helpless...

"Well, I thought you wanted to go to school again, meet your friends. You can't do that while being in hospital! And I'm sure your aunt would be very sad, too, if you had to stay here again. Harry, this is really important, you have to promise me that you start eating again, ok?" A further shrug was the only reply Dr Green got. "Harry, this isn't negotiable. You will start eating again, and if you don't, than you have to stay here again and we will make you eat! It's your choice, either you do it voluntarily or we will force you!"

"YOU STUPID BASTARD! YOU CAN'T ME MAKE EATING!"

"Oh, I assure you Harry, we can. And yelling won't change that!"

"YOU ARE STUPID! I WANT TO EAT BUT HE DOESN'T LET ME!"

"WHO doesn't let you eat Harry?"

"I don't tell you! You are mean!"

"Well ok Harry... but remember what I've said, either you eat voluntarily or we will make you. I will ask your aunt next week whether or not you have done as you have been told, and additionally I want to weigh you." He waited for a reply or even a tantrum, but when the boy just shrugged again, Dr Green motioned him to go to the corner of the room where an examining bed and several medical devices stood, including a a scale. "No, Harry, you have to undress, at least your jumper and trousers."

Harry huffed, but didn't protest further. When he lad removed his baggy trousers, Dr Green was shocked since the boy was even thinner than he had thought he would be. After a quick glance at the scale - the boy weighed barely 25 kg! - he indicated him that he could dress again and wrote Harry's current weight down into his file.

###

One week later, Harry had lost another pound. Petunia Dursley told him that she had tried to make the boy eat - had even cooked him his favourite meals! - but he just wouldn't do it! However, she had again seen him stuffing his face with bread and one time even chocolate (Dudley's chocolate!). Being asked why he refused to eat regular meals but eating sweets in secret, Harry had another fit and yelled that they should leave him alone, that he tried to eat and that they knew anyway and just wanted to torture him, too.

Dr Green gave Aunt Petunia instructions that she should try to let the boy have his meals in his own room, (perhaps he couldn't or wouldn't eat while other people were watching him?) and if that didn't work she should force him to sit at the table until he had eaten at least some of his food.

The following week, Petunia almost cried when she told the Doctor that the boy still wouldn't obey and that he had even managed to scare her Dudley with his odd behaviour. (Unbeknownst to Dr Green, this was the reason the woman was actually crying, imagine, her poor Dudley, too scared to sit at the table with the freak! There simply HAD to be done something, she couldn't let her Dudley suffer even more under the freak! He might be traumatized by the boy!) Apparently, Harry had started to make odd groaning noises while he sat at the table where the family was having supper and Petunia tried to force food into his mouth. Then he had, instead of swallowed it, spit it on the table and started to beat and scratch his throat, as if there was something he wanted to go away, while screaming and howling. It had been several minutes before the boy had come out of this state, and Dudley and Vernon were since eating in the living room.

Dr Green didn't know what to do. The boy got very high doses of strong antipsychotics, yet he clearly showed sings of another psychotic episode. This wasn't good. He had really, really hoped that the medication and close supervision would prevent the boy from becoming a permanent resident, but it seemed that was exactly what was going to happen.

"Ok, Harry, please listen to me very carefully. If you don't eat during the next three days, you will have to stay here again, on the same ward as last time. And we will MAKE you eat then. You are dangerously underweight, and if you don't start eating again soon, than you will die! Your Aunt and I can't allow this, so we will do everything we can to prevent you from killing yourself, even if it is unpleasant for you! You don't have a choice, Harry, you MUST eat!"

"JUST LEAVE ME ALONE YOU LYING ARSEHOLE! YOU ARE HAND IN GLOVE WITH HIM, I KNOW IT!"

"Have you heard what I've told you, Harry?"

"STUPID BASTARD!"

"Ok, I assume you have. We will see each other again in three days time. Mrs Dursley - if Harry continue to behave in this way, you can bring some clothes and other necessities when you come here again on Thursday, just as we have planned."

And, of course, Harry didn't eat. He was desperate and grumpy and he really didn't feel good at all, he was hungry and his head ached and he was dizzy all of the time and the thing tried to choke him as soon as he tried to grab some food, and then there were all these stupid people who told him to eat, as if he wasn't trying it! Harry supposed they were all making fun of him, telling him to eat while knowing exactly that he couldn't! Surely they had seen him being choked and strangled when he tried to eat? There was no way they couldn't know what was going on, it was obvious! And these lying arseholes just pretended not to notice anything, despite them plotting all of this with the thing in his head together! He really, really hated all these people.

It was no surprise for Dr Green when Petunia and Harry arrived Thursday afternoon with Petunia carrying a a travelling bag.

It had been decided that Harry would get the opportunity to eat voluntarily until Friday morning. If he didn't, a feeding tube would be placed. The doctors really saw no other way. The boy was underweight and seemed to become weaker and weaker by the day, it was only a matter of time until he collapsed.

When Dr Green entered the ward on Friday morning, he was faced with a rather angry Harry who was throwing his breakfast through the day room where all meals were served for those kids who were allowed to move around freely.

"YOU STUPID STUPID IDIOTS! I CAN'T EAT THAT FOOD WHY DON'T YOU GET IT? YOU JUST WANT TO HAVE A GOOD LAUGH DON'T YOU? BASTARDS!"

"Harry stop this now! If you don't want to eat than just sit down and be quiet but stop this screaming and throwing your food!"

"SON OF A BITCH! I WON'T DO ANYTHING! MISERABLE DISGUSTING IDIOT!"

"Harry no! Stop insulting people! Either you calm down or you will be taken to your room and Dr Green will decide what to do with you. But you have to stop NOW!"

"JUST LEAVE ME ALONE AND GO AWAY IDIOT!"

The boy yelled while he was running through the hall and into his room. Since he hadn't hurt himself or misbehaved in any other way, apart from not eating, he had allowed to sleep in one of the normal rooms that weren't constantly supervised for the past night, but apparently this was soon to be changed.

The doctor as well as the nurses decided to leave him be, hopefully he would calm down on his own. Dr Green was informed that Harry hadn't eaten at all, neither at supper nor at breakfast nor during the night (he had been told to ask for food if he wanted to eat something at any time, since nobody really knew WHY the boy had stopped eating in the first place), but apparently he had at least tried. The nurse who had been in charge of Harry told the doctor that the previous evening, Harry had grabbed a slice of bread and had been about to take a bite when he had suddenly started to groan, breathing raspingly and tried to rip something invisible from his throat, almost choking himself in the process. Asked what was wrong, the boy had started to yell and insult the staff, accusing them of deviousness and being shifty (and idiots and miserable bastards and so on), and had finally, when it became clear that he wasn't going to calm down on his own, been given an sedative.

And while Dr Green considered it an encouraging sign that the boy at least tried to cooperate, well, sometimes, there was nothing more that could be done to spare the boy the feeding tube.

Half an hour later, Dr Green entered Harry's room. The boy was lying on his bed, mumbling and shaking his head.

"Hey Harry. Have you calmed down?" There was no response, Harry didn't even seemed to be aware that someone had come into the room. "Harry? ... HARRY!"

"Hu? Oh hey Dr Green."

"Everything all right?"

"'f course"

"Well, ok Harry, you know what is going to happen now?"

"What?"

"Well, I have told you yesterday that we would make you eat if you continued to refuse doing it on your own. The nurses have told me that you haven't eaten anything at all, this means you are going to get a feeding tube."

"NO! You can't do this. I won't eat and you can't make me!"

"Harry, I would like to explain to you what is going to happen now, all right?" The answer was a shrug - "ok, well, in a moment the nurses and another doctor will come and bring all the things we need. You can stay in your bed while we do this procedure. It won't be pleasant, but it won't hurt either and it will be quick, at least if you don't fight. This is really important, Harry, ok? Don't fight, because it will take longer to place the tube and the longer it takes the more unpleasant it it. The tube itself is rather thin, and it will go down into your stomach, not through your mouth but through your nose. When the tube is placed, we will be able to feed you liquid stuff that contains everything your body needs to stay healthy and to gain a little weight. This is all. Nothing to worry, see? So, do you have any questions?"

"Y' can't make me eat! I won't do it!"

"Harry, have you listened to what I have just told you?"

"Yeah but y' can't make me do it. No no no."

"Yes Harry we can. Now -"

The door was opened and to nurses and another doctor - Harry didn't recognize him - entered the room. One of the nurses was pushing a table on wheels into the room. There were all kind of funny things lying on the table, Harry thought it looked rather interesting, but also a little bit alarming. What were they going to do? He had heard Dr Green telling him weird things but it had been rather difficult to understand everything when another voice was babbling in your mind. He was rather tired, too. Why couldn't these people just leave him alone? But perhaps he was getting an injection again, like the previous evening when the demon had forbidden him to eat?

"Ok, Harry, do you think you can lie still or would it be better if we put you in restraints?"

"NO RESTRAINTS!" THIS Harry had understood. Restraints were horrible. They were much, much worse than just lying still. When he was tied to the bed, he was in constant fear that the demon might hurt him again while he wasn't even able to defend himself. Well, he didn't really know how to fight against him at all, but it couldn't be good being bound when someone attacked you, could it?

"Ok, but then you have to promise to lie still and not to rip out the tube, ok"

"'kay" He would do everything to avoid being tied up.

"Good. - Now, I will just take measurements." The doctor said and approached Harry, holding some kind of long, thin cable. He placed one end on Harry's nose and put a piece of sticking plaster on a part of the cable that reached Harry's stomach while the cable was coiled around his ear. Harry watched him doing it with mild curiosity. One of the nurses, meanwhile, started to put the headboard of Harry's bet upright.

"It's all right, Harry, it will be easier if you are sitting while the tube is being placed. It would be the best if you could bend your head a little bit, too. Just put your chin onto your chest. - Do you want a pillow?"

"What are you going to do?" Harry started to worry. Why were all these people here? Why should he sit in this funny position? What were they going to do?

"We are just placing you your feeding tube, lad, like Dr Green has explained to you. All right, now here is a cup of water with a straw. Can you take it? - Ok. - When I or Dr Green tell you to do so, I would like you to start drinking the water through the straw, ok?

"Why? I don't want to!"

"It will be easier to place the tube this way, Harry. You don't have to worry, it won't be this bad, you just have to drink the water, than you won't feel very much at all. Ok, and I put this bowl on your lap, so if you get sick you don't have to worry, ok?"

"No! ' don't want to!"

"Harry, this has to be done and it will only be more difficult if you don't cooperate. Ok now, are you ready?"

"No!"

Dr Green motioned the other doctor and the second nurse to come to Harry's bed as well. However, being surrounded by 4 adults only added to Harry's panic. What were they trying to do? Why were they cornering him? Unconsciously, his breathing quickened. There were four huge people looming over him - he wanted them to go away!

"No! Go away!"

"Harry, do you want the restraints? You will get them if you fight! Now lie still and all will be over in a few minutes." With that, the Doctor reached forward, brought the end of the tube to Harry's nose and started to push it in.

"NOO! STOP!" Faster than any adult could react, Harry had grabbed Dr Green's hand, pushed it away from his face and turned his head to the other side.

"Harry no! Josh?! - Take his arms!"

"NOOO! STOP IT! I DON'T WANT THIS!"

"I know, but it has to be done! You had plenty of opportunities to eat voluntarily but you chose not to, and you knew that you would get the tube if you didn't. So, will you lie still and not bending your head away or do we have to restrain you?"

"NOOOO! GO AWAY!"

"Ok... Anne?"

"All right." One the nurses reached under the table and got the dreaded straps. All fighting was in vain when the three other ones were holding him down and the nurse put first his ankles, then his wrists in restraints and finally even his waste. No! Harry didn't want this! Normally, he only got limb restraints, he had never gotten a waist restraint, too! Now he couldn't move at all. Well, apart from his head. He could still fight then, couldn't he? If they wanted to put this thing into his nose he could just shaking his head and they wouldn't be able to do so, no matter whether he was in restraints or not!

"Ok, I'm really sorry Harry, but since you don't give us a choice..." Dr Green tried to push in the tube again, but true to his word, Harry shook his head violently.

"NOOOO! YOU DON'T GET ME! GO AWAY!"

"Oh Harry... Josh, Anne?" The two of them moved towards the head of Harry's bed. Josh grabbed his head and kept it still while Anne did the same with his shoulders. NO! This wasn't fair! They couldn't do this! Harry tried to jerk his head away, he didn't want this, but Josh was a lot stronger than he looked like. His grip didn't hurt, not really, but it was terrifying. Harry's head was pressed against the pillow and the hands on either side of his head made it impossible to shake it or turning it around. The boy had long since stopped breathing normally, he was alternatively screaming and breathing way too fast. They had to hurry before he would become even more hysteric.

"Ok. Just keep him still now!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

And the Doctor brought forward the tube for the third time, and although Harry really, really tried, he couldn't move, couldn't fight. The tube was put into his right nostril and pushed forward.
Harry felt it being pushed upwards, they just wouldn't stop - NO! - it hurt! - He felt the end of the tube scratching his nose on the inside - they couldn't do this, they would hurt him, NO! - and it was still pushed higher and higher - he couldn't breath -

"NOOOOOO AAAAWWWW STOP ...chhhh shhjhhh... ouch..." Harry could only cough and wheeze, and than he felt something - the tube - in his throat. This thing was in his throat and the doctor still didn't stop but pushed it forward even more - NO! Harry started to gag, and also the bowl where somehow still - or again? - sitting in his lap, he was sick all over himself. Well, he hadn't eaten anything for days, so there wasn't much in his stomach and it came only foam and fluid. He gagged and gagged and thought he would die -

"Harry ok, swallow some water now!"

But Harry wasn't listening, he was screaming and crying and gagging and in full hysterics - he was about to die, they were choking him, strangling him and they wouldn't stop, they just wouldn't stop!

Dr Green pushed the tube in further. It wasn't nice to see a screaming and crying child being restraint AND hold down, apparently in a full-fledged panic-attack, but there was little he could do apart from doing this as quick as possible.
So he continued to push the tube in, it wasn't as if it was impossible to do so even with the boy refusing to swallow some water but it would feel much more uncomfortable.

"Ok Harry, just a few inches than everything will be over!" The doctor told the still gagging and coughing boy. A pity that the patient had to be awake for this procedure, it would have been much easier - both for Harry and for him - to do this while the boy was sedated, but the risk of damaging the boy's throat was far bigger when he was asleep and his muscles relaxed than when he was awake.

"And all done! Harry! Harry everything is done now, you can calm down!"

Harry was aware that his head and his shoulders were released, and he tried to shake his head, to bend it away in order to get this thing out, he didn't want it have in his throat! But as much as he wriggled, it wouldn't come out-

"Harry please lie still, the tube won't come out, no matter how much you shake your head!" Dr Green held the end of the tube in his hand, trying to position it in a way that won't bother the boy, when Harry made a particular violent jerk with his head and managed to pull the tube out for a few inches, which caused him to cough and gag again. "Harry no!"

Josh and Anne had grabbed his head in a matter of seconds, and Dr Green pushed the tube back in, until the sticky plaster he had placed on the tube earlier was again at the tip of Harry's nose.

"NO NO NO- chhhhrrr hrrr"

"Harry there is no use in doing this... you will only hurt yourself. Josh, please keep his head still until I have fixed the tube to his nose" Dr Green put strips of plasters on Harry's nose, fixing the tube to his face. Then he continued to attach the end of the tube to a bag full of fluid, which was hung on a stand next to Harry's bed.

"Ok, all done. Harry, we will release your waist and your legs now, but the wrist restraints will stay in place. I don't think you will leave the tube where it is, and I don't want to do this all over again."

"NO!"

"Yes. Anne, can you stay with him for now? I don't think he'll have to be supervised for the entire time, but I would like someone staying with him for now."

"Quite all right, I'm just going to fetch some stuff."

"Ok Harry, I'll visit you in the afternoon and then we look how you're doing, but for now you have to stay in bed."

"NOOO I WON'T YOU CAN'T MAKE ME! STUPID ARSHOLE!"

But the doctor left without another word, and the remaining nurse began to clean Harry's face and upper body, even so he was yelling and screaming the entire time, and tried to fight her off. However, with his arms still in restraints, he couldn't do very much, and the nurse didn't seem to be bothered by his insulting remarks either.

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In the end, Harry had to be restrained for almost 4 weeks. A few days after the feeding tube had been placed, Dr Green had thought it would be safe to release him. However, as soon as Harry's left arm was free, he had tried to pull the tube out. The only reason he didn't manage was that they had used so many plasters to fix the tube to his face, and that Dr Green and the nurse who had been assisting him had grabbed his hand in time.

The failed attempt to get rid of the tube had led to a major tantrum thrown by Harry, and he didn't calm down until he got a sedative.

A week later, he was allowed to leave the bed, but he had to stay in a wheelchair, his arms tied to the armrests. It had been a compromise, it wasn't ideal for a physically healthy boy to stay in bed all of the time, but they couldn't release the arm restraints either.

Harry gained weight, though, and this was all the doctors could ask for.

Dr Green and the head of the psychiatric department had also decided to try an additional antipsychotic, one that would hopefully work, since there was no way the boy could be released home when he would just stop eating again or hurting himself in any other way.

The first few days he had to take the new medicine, Harry was mostly asleep, but this they had expected. When he was back to being awake most of the time, the doctors offered him to eat voluntarily again, and after a few days in which it became clear that the boy had trouble to recognize what was going on (an unfortunate side effect of the new drug), he did as he was told.

The tube was removed a week later, no one had wanted to take the risk that he stopped eating again and having to place a new one after the difficulties they had experienced while placing the first one.

Harry was tired. He didn't really know anything else, everything seemed to be a blur and just too complicated to understand. People were talking to him but he just stared at their faces, their moving lips and couldn't figure out what he was supposed to do. When they gave him food he knew that he had to eat it. When they brought him to the bathroom and motioned him to sit on the toilet, he knew he was supposed to pee, and when they were undressing him he knew that he should take a shower. He didn't knew much else, though.

He was Harry, and he was in hospital. That was ok, wasn't it? They told him not to worry, that he should just do as he was told, and he was grateful that he didn't have to think or to figure everything out on his own. They asked him how he felt, he felt fine, didn't he? But why did he have to stay in hospital when he was fine?

When Aunt Petunia was allowed to take Harry back home, he resembled more a marionette, or perhaps a zombie, than a child of almost ten. Sure, he had regained some of his abilities to act on his own accord, and he had even managed to paint some pictures without being told what he was supposed to do, but it was still... frightening to watch him.

His movements were clumsy, his posture stiff as a board, and the twitching of his head had increased.

He wasn't allowed to go to school, and even if he had, he was in no condition of learning something. It had been decided that he should stay at Privet Drive, for now, since his family dearly loved him, and surely this was much better than any home for sick and disabled people could be. His aunt had almost been in tears when Dr Green had pointed out that it would be difficult to deal with Harry, and that it might be better to send him into permanent care. It wasn't often that the psychiatrist saw parents - or relatives - that cared that much about their children and were prepared to take the trouble looking after a child that needed constant supervision. Most of them were rather grateful to send their children to a permanent facility, and it was understandable, really! However, Harry's family obviously loved him and since his aunt had been very adamant that the boy stayed with her and her family, who was Dr Green to argue? He would see the boy twice every week, so everything should be fine.