Dear journal, today I had an upset stomach in the middle of Potions. I couldn't leave those dunderhead third years to themselves, so I stayed in the room. Something... slipped out. It was silent, but horrifyingly disgusting. I exploded Longbottom's cauldron by levitating toad intestines into his potion so I could clear the room fast.

Thursday September 19th

Dear journal, I must confess that I have never been fond of rodents. In the early hours of the morning I saw one in my bedroom. I will admit this only to you, I shrieked. Ten minutes later one of the seventh year prefects came and knocked on my door. They were worried a banshee or some other creature had gotten into the Dungeons... I sent Greenwood away and put up silencing wards around my quarters. The mouse is now canned and pickled for later use... perhaps I'll make Potter do something disgusting with it during his next detention. No doubt I won't have to wait long.

Tuesday September 24th

Dear Journal, the most reprehensible act has just been committed upon me. I have again been the victim of a cruel and senseless crime for which the perpetrator shall pay when I find out who is responsible. I had been enjoying my daily shower when I noticed the house elves had somehow given me the wrong body wash. I enjoy a handsome musky odor to my body wash... I believe Professors Trelawney, Sinistra, and McGonagall enjoy my scent when I use it... but this was a floral feminine scent. With nothing else to use I finished up, but as soon as I tried to dry myself off, I realized my body had suddenly become sticky. So sticky in fact, that I was now stuck- to myself. It was hours before I could figure out the appropriate countercurse, but only after I summoned Madam Pomfrey (still mostly in a state of undress), and I was late to my first class. In the hall after lunch, the Potter wretch commented on how nice I smelled. I suspect that he's had something to do with this heinous crime.

Wednesday September 25th

Dear Journal, I now suspect that Potter was responsible for my... upset stomach in class last week, as it happened again today, suspiciously only after Potter came into my class, late again. I had to explode Weasley's cauldron this time along with Longbottom's. I gave Potter detention for being late, but made him serve four hours after dinner pickling, and then re-pickling the rodent with his bare hands. I secretly cast a spell on him to enhance his sense of smell ten-fold. Let that be a lesson to the little wretch, not to mess with the most fearsome... handsome, Potion's Master Hogwarts has ever seen.

Saturday September 28th

Journal, curse the Muggles and curse the wizards who come from Muggle families. I went into a Chinese herbalist shop in a side alley of Hogsmeade today... you know the one, the one where ‘it' happened last year. The shop owner- Yen, had recently installed one of those Muggle revolving doors. Being a well-dressed and fashionable wizard I of course wear a very long cloak. A cloak which caught in the revolving door and trapped me inside along with it. Curse that Yen and his revolving door, and curse the students who saw me trapped for half an hour while Yen tried to get me out. And damn it! Curse Potter for laughing as he followed me back up to the castle and saw my cut up holey three Galleon cloak! How did Lockheart do it? How did he get in and out of those revolving doors with such a long cloak?