Snape was extremely well-rested as he drifted slowly back into conscious reality. It was a wonderfully odd, refreshing feeling that he wasn't familiar with. He couldn't remember the last time he'd felt so restored… Perhaps never.

Snape's grasp tightened around the woman sleeping in his arms. The early morning sunshine filtered into the bedroom through gauzy white curtains, and the light falling over her thick veil of hair and ignited the long strands from red into burning gold.

Lily's head rested on his chest, her palm directly over his heart. Her naked limbs were entangled with his own, her smooth, satiny skin pressed up against his scarred, work-hardened edges. She had long lashes that fanned across her rosy cheeks as she slept, and Snape noticed for the first time that there was gold at their tips. A small smile graced her lips even in sleep, and he knew that he would spend the rest of his days doing everything in his power to make sure it stayed there.

I love this woman…

The realization should have terrified him, made him flee before the shocking rawness of its absolute power over him.

But Snape found it to be the most natural thing in the world, as effortless and easy as breathing. Lily was the balm for his troubled soul, the only solace for his tormented existence. She was the light where before had been only unending darkness. Snape knew he would sooner carve his own heart from his chest than let her go.

Lost in contentment, his roughly calloused hands gently caressed her petal-soft skin.

"Good morning," she murmured after a while. Snape hadn't known she was awake, as she hadn't moved against his chest.

"I didn't mean to wake you," he whispered. "I'm sorry. I've always been an early riser."

Lifting herself gently from his embrace, Lily's tousled hair fell over her shoulder as she gazed at him with a softly questioning look.

"I wasn't sure if you'd stay the night…"

Snape brushed the backs of his fingers against her soft cheek, and she leaned into his touch. Tangling his long fingers in her hair, he drew her lips down to meet his own.

"Always," he breathed, sealing the promise with a gentle kiss.

He tasted tears on her lips, and drew back to see a single one trickling down her cheek as she smiled at him. The sight moved him more than he was willing to admit, even to himself. No one had ever wanted him before…

"Watch yourself, woman," he teased gently, wiping the tear away with the pad of his thumb. "You will not like what happens if you continue to cry at my lack of kissing ability."

She laughed through the wetness gathered in her eyes, and grinned mischievously at him. "Well, I guess I'll just have to give you lessons and force you to practice more, Professor." Then she hit him smack in the face with a pillow.

Snape's laughter echoed through the room, and he felt like the teenager in love that he once was a lifetime ago. For the first time that he could ever remember – even back then when his Lily had been alive – he reveled in the foreign feeling.

Snatching Lily to him with a playful growl, Snape whirled her beneath him as he rolled over on top of her luscious curves. She bit her lip with a smile as she stared up at him, and the words were out before he even realized what he was saying.

"You are so beautiful, Lily. I love—"

He stopped himself just in time, looking down at her in a lengthening silence with a stunned look in his face. Admitting how he felt to himself was one thing, but saying it out loud to her was another beast entirely.

What if…?

Lily reached up to caress the morning stubble on his cheek, watching the pad of her thumb gently rub against his bottom lip for long moments. "I know," she finally whispered. "It doesn't make sense, but I feel like I've been waiting for you… You complete a part of me I didn't even know was missing." Her gaze finally rose met his own as she whispered, "I love you too, Severus."

Snape's eyebrows rose in surprise and his heart pounded in incredulity as he searched Lily's beautiful face for long, silent moments. But as her lids lowered and her body arched in sensual invitation, he fell hungrily upon her. Snape was still in shock as Lily kissed him back with the same fervent desperation that was washing through him, slowly beginning to erode his pain and sweep it from his newly reawakened soul.

. . . . .

Lily stretched languidly as she rose from the tangled bed sheets, reminding Snape of a well-contented and over-satiated housecat. She was truly beautiful. He couldn't help the smug smile that spread across his lips at the thought that he was the reason why she was so obviously satisfied.

Lily caught him admiring her curves. "Don't look too pleased with yourself, Snape," she threw out in a sassy tone as she shoved her arms through the sleeves of a long, silken robe. "I've been told that my standards in men leave something to be desired."

He glared at her darkly but the smirk on his lips gave him away, and she laughed. He had to admit that he enjoyed their banter. She was less like a delicate spring wildflower and more like a thorny winter rose that was exquisitely beautiful, but would prick him if he wasn't careful. It only increased his attraction to her.

"Would you like some coffee?" she asked, opening the bedroom door.

"Please," he murmured. "Black."

"Shocking," she muttered as she rolled her eyes, but with a grin she disappeared with a quiet snap of the door behind her.

Snape rose and dressed in his black trousers and white button down, forgoing his Death Eater robes and wishing more than anything that he could simply burn the infernal things. But with a heavy sigh, the thought of Harry flitted through his mind, and he admitted to himself that he would never give up his position close to the Dark Lord – not when the information he garnered could save the boy.

Walking into the kitchen, he noticed a small stream of fresh coffee dripping into the pot. And there was Lily kneeling before the mess of wine that had been disregarded from the night before. Snape almost didn't catch himself in time, wanting to help her clean it with a quick flick of his wand.

That was close…

It had been a great number of years since he'd lived as a muggle, and seeing her reside this way when there could be magic in her blood just increased his resolve. Snape vowed to get to the bottom of his suspicions regarding Lily's heritage, for he wanted nothing more than to introduce her to the magical world and possibly reunite her and Jillian with their extended family – even if they were the most obnoxiously cheerful wizard family he knew.

Getting down on his hands and knees beside her, Snape murmured, "Careful. There's still glass down here."

"Thanks," she said with a smile, and together they cleaned the mess the old fashioned muggle way.

I'll have to make sure I bury this particular experience behind my shields – the old coot would never let me live it down, he thought with a grimace.

Thinking of Dumbledore only led to Snape to reflect on Harry yet again, and how much he wanted the boy back by his side. Although he trusted the Weasleys – they were in the Order during both Wizard Wars, and had done a decent job raising seven Gryffindor children, he grudgingly admitted – but still he worried about Harry. The boy was like a deep pool that looked calm enough on the surface, but had furious currents swirling dangerously underneath. He recognized it clearly, knowing that feeling so intimately himself.

If Harry was ever going to find happiness in the turbulent existence he'd been forced to live, the boy needed to be with someone who understood him – someone who could guide and protect him. Snape knew without a doubt that he was that person, but after all that had happened between them, he wasn't sure how he could ever be expected to be forgiven… He wouldn't be surprised if Harry wanted nothing more to do with him.

Lily was suddenly beside him, handing him a steaming mug of very black coffee. "You left me there for a moment," she said quietly, once again seeing more within his dour countenance than anyone else had ever dared. "Where did you go?"

Snape glowered harshly down at her, astonished at her impudent nerve. But she simply looked expectantly up at him as she sipped from her own steaming mug of coffee. With a sigh, Snape ran a hand through his hair and glanced at her out of the corner of his eye.

"I'm not used to sharing my private thoughts," he grumbled.

"I know," she said, still looking boldly up at him and clearly expecting an answer.

"Don't test my patience, woman," he growled, turning to look out at the river through the window.

"You know, you're not nearly as scary as you think you are," she said. And without warning she did the last thing Snape was expecting: curled herself against him, wrapping her arm around his middle. After the initial shock, Snape slowly brought his arm around her and held her to him.

"I was thinking about Harry," he murmured, still looking out at the river. "I worry about him. He's had a… turbulent existence."

She tightened her grip around him, acknowledging his words but staying silent. Snape was grateful. They stayed like that for long minutes, both staring out at the bright morning light reflecting off the water.

Suddenly the opposite bedroom door opened and Jillian emerged, tousle-haired and sleepy-eyed, dressed in pink pajamas with 'Blues Clues' written across the front and rubbing her eyes with her fist.

"Morning, Jilly-Bean," Lily called with a smile as she turned to her daughter.

"Morning Mum," the girl yawned sleepily. "I dreamt I was riding on a unicorn in a forest by a big castle. Can I have Count Chocula for—" But when her gaze landed on Snape, her eyes went wide and a large smile spread across her face. "Mr. Snape! Did you come over for breakfast? Do you like Count Chocula, too?"

Lily laughed at his discomfited expression, but didn't offer any help and simply allowed him to drown in uncertainty by staying silent.

"Uh… Well… Yes, I came for breakfast," he said, scowling at the silently laughing woman. "But I've never heard of…?"

Lily took pity on him then but did not even try to hide her grin. "Count Chocula."

"It's the most yummy cereal ever!" Jillian cried, dashing into the kitchen to grab the box from the cabinet.

But Snape couldn't hide his aversion when he saw what Jillian was holding: a box with a ridiculous caricature of a vampire, a look of eagerness on his face as he poured milk into a bowl filled with a sugary mix of cookies and marshmallows. The character had obviously been drawn by a muggle; Snape was personally acquainted with a few vampires, and knew they all had an emaciated look with dark smudges beneath their eyes and a deathly pale pallor to their skin – not this an absurd tan with an outlandishly foolish look of cheerfulness. The only time he'd ever seen them look anything other than exhausted and bored was when the Dark Lord had promised them a feast of pudgy muggles if they helped him gain power.

"You eat this dreadful garbage?" He asked Jillian in dismay.

"Yep!" The girl replied in excitement. "It's really good! You want some?"

Snape stared silently down at the box in disgust. He would sooner share a heaping bowl of dead ferrets with the school's hippogriffs than eat this rubbish. With a forced smile he took the box from Jillian and set it aside, glaring at the offending cereal as if it had insulted him personally.

"Do you like pancakes, young lady?" he asked with an arched brow.

"Yeah!" Jillian cried. "I order them whenever we go out for breakfast!"

"Good. Because I make excellent pancakes. Would you like me to make you some?"

Jillian nodded happily. "Mum likes to cook, too! She makes really good lasagna. Can I help you make pancakes?" She bubbled in excitement.

Snape paused. He was a professor by trade, but could hardly stand having dimwitted, foolish children underfoot, as it usually ended up in some sort of horrendous mess or major accident that he had to deal with. Sometimes both.

Jillian seemed to pick up on his hesitation, for she immediately sobered and gave him her most responsible, serious look. "I promise I won't make a mess. I'm a really good helper. I help Mum cook all the time."

Snape glanced at Lily, who nodded with a slight smile.

"Alright," he murmured. But before he could give a warning about staying out of his way, Jillian had given him a dazzling smile and thrown open the refrigerator door to gather the milk, eggs, and butter. Then she turned to the cupboards and grabbed the flour and sugar. Snape was actually rather impressed. Most fifth-years could barely remember the ingredients to the simplest of potions. And potions was rather like cooking, if one considered it.

Perhaps Jillian wouldn't be such a nuisance, after all…

"You forgot the salt," he said gently, looking down at her in growing admiration.

"Oh, yeah." And after getting up on her tip toes to reach the shaker next to the oven, she handed it to him.

With a smile Lily said, "I'm going to get dressed. Will you two be alright without me for ten minutes?"

"Mum," Jillian answered with a huff, "it's only pancakes. We'll be fine!"

Snape raised his eyebrows and glanced at Lily, who only laughed as she shook her head. When she closed the door behind her, he looked back down at the tiny sprite, remembering another spitfire red-headed girl from long ago…

Jillian dragged a stool over from the corner, obviously something she used when cooking with her mother. She smiled as she took her place beside him, and Snape couldn't help but smile back.

. . . . .

When Lily emerged from her bedroom, dressed casually in jeans and a flowing pastel top, the scene she found brought her up short. Both he and Jillian were covered with a spattering of flour, and Snape was in the process of pulling faces at the giggling girl.

The moment he saw Lily however, he cleared his throat and immediately returned to his usual hard-faced expression.

"I saw that," Lily smiled as she wandered over to watch, leaning against the wall and crossing her arms over her chest.

Snape glared at her before addressing Jillian. "So the batter is now thoroughly mixed and our first pancakes are cooking in the pan. You did very well, young lady." Jillian beamed up at him, and he asked, "What do we do next?"

"Flip them!"

"Indeed. Tell me, Jillian: have you ever seen pancakes fly?"

Her eyes grew round as she shook her head, and even Lily straightened as she watched attentively. Snape had a hard time suppressing a smirk as he flipped the round cakes into the air, using a quick non-verbal levitation spell to make them somersault more times than was naturally possible, before catching them gracefully back in the pan.

Both Jillian and Lily made sounds of amazement.

"Wow!" Lily said, looking at him with shocked eyes.

"It was like magic!" Jillian said in an awed voice. "How'd you dothat?"

Snape smiled and dabbed the tip of her nose with flour as he responded, "I told you I make excellent pancakes. Now, who's hungry?"

. . . . .

Lily's hair was lifted by the gentle breeze, and she tucked it behind her ear as she savored another bite of the ripe avocado in her hand. Snape sat with his back against the willow tree, watching her in comfortable silence. Nearby Jillian picked her way through the summer flowers growing along the grassy knoll, leaning down to pluck a strand every now and then to add to her growing bouquet.

For lunch the girls had decided on an outdoor picnic, and sitting here at the park where his life had at once both fatefully ended and just as suddenly began, was incredibly surreal for Snape. It was as if the best of his past and the promise of his disregarded future had suddenly collided. If he were honest with himself, he was afraid it would end at any moment. The contentment that pulsed through him made him feel as if he were living someone else's life on borrowed time…

Lily caught him staring, and she smiled warmly.

"Would you like a bite?" she asked, raising the avocado in question.

"No," he muttered.

But instead of continuing to enjoy her treat, Lily crawled across the blanket to settle herself against his side. Snape heaved an overdramatic exhalation but placed his arm around her waist and tucked her into his chest.

"That's better," Lily murmured, and as her hair tickled his face, Snape couldn't bring himself to disagree. They sat for long, silent moments before she continued, "Now the only one we're missing is Harry…"

She felt Snape stiffen beside her, but before he could say anything she murmured, "If we don't talk about this I'm going to have to force feed you this orgasm-inducing avocado, right here in front of all these unsuspecting people and their innocent children. I imagine it would be quite humiliating…"

Despite himself, Snape chuckled and found some of the tension draining out of him. "'Orgasm-inducing', huh?" he asked, glancing down at the insufferable woman. "Like at the Farmer's Market?"

"Oh that was nothing. I'm known for my abilities to choose fruit potent enough to alert the town Constable," she said, an impish smile playing on her lips.

Snape laughed, a rusty sound that was unpracticed and unfamiliar, even to his own ears. Yet again, she had taken him by surprise. So with a sigh and the ghost of a smile he accepted his fate and responded, "I guess we'd better talk, then. The last person I want… listening to me is the town Constable." Lily snickered and he asked, "What do you want to know?"

She paused, suddenly very serious as she pushed herself up so she could look him in the eye. "What happened?"

Such a loaded question, those two simple words. "I… was not ready to be responsible for another. I was hardly in control of myself, as I think you saw last night."

"Why?" she asked, and after a moment she added, "You don't strike me as a man who gives up control very easily…"

"Normally, that would be correct. But Harry…" Snape drifted off, staring out across the water and trying to gather his thoughts. "His presence brought issues from my childhood to the surface that made caring for him… difficult."

Lily was silent for a long minute, digesting his words, perhaps even remembering the scars crisscrossing his upper body like a web of painful turmoil. She seemed to understand his inability to go into details about his childhood, and she didn't pry. Snape was exceedingly grateful.

"Where are his parents?"

"Dead. He has relatives in Surrey. But you saw their handiwork on his face the day we met."

"Oh," she whispered in dismay, her eyes going wide as she remembered the large bruise across Harry's features. "His family did that to him?"

Snape's eyes narrowed in anger at the memory of Harry's uncle, of the way his cousin… But he shook the memory forcefully away, which was amazingly easy to do in Lily's soothing presence.

"You can see why I couldn't allow him to stay in their company," he said.

They were both silent for long moments. Snape thought of the boy and the danger his life was in. The battered and bloody faces of Pavarti Patil and Lucius Malfoy flashed though his mind, along with the countless other innocents that the Dark Lord had murdered throughout his reign. The urge to see Harry safely back with him at Spinner's End was nearly overwhelming. How could he have made such a monumental mistake of pushing the boy away?

"You want him back." It was not a question, and as usual, Lily was able to see directly into the heart of his emotions, despite the things he didn't say.

It took him a moment to reply, but when he did it was genuine. "Yes. But I don't think he will ever forgive me for what I've done. I abandoned him when he needed me most – I threw him away like garbage." He swallowed back the guilt threatening to overwhelm him.

Lily reached out and took his hand, lacing their fingers together before she said, "I haven't known Harry long. But his feelings for you were there Severus, plain for anyone to see. I saw them. And if he's as alone in the world as you seem to think he is, then I doubt he would reject an apology from someone that he cares so deeply about."

"I'm not very good with apologies," he murmured gruffly, wondering if what Lily said could be true but not daring to believe it.

"The how of the thing doesn't matter," she muttered, "only the why. You care about him as if—as if…" Lily paused, her eyes widening and her mouth making a small, round 'O' as she searched his face for long moments. Then she whispered, "Your son deserves to hear the truth."