Whatever It Takes by SanctuaryAngel

Harry was shaking.

For the remainder of that day, Harry felt lost. Sad. Confused. Distraught. Angry.

Neville and Augusta were the next to go, and they were still nowhere near the point of bringing down the last of the Death Eaters. According to Luna, she had left to visit Neville and arrived at a house almost destroyed. There was an obvious fight that broke out, but neither he nor his grandmother could be seen. No one else had heard from him, not even Hannah Abbott. He was last seen volunteering at St. Mungo's a few days ago, and he most definitely was not at Hogwarts. Luna had even suggested he may have been in the Room of Requirement, but that search ended up a dead end.

Severus had sent word to McGonagall to update her of the situation but decided to keep the whereabouts of Draco a secret. He was unsure of how she would react to him being there, and he most certainly didn't want to risk her wrath. He knew she wouldn't have approved of the decision, so Severus had no alternative choice but to keep it from her.

Meanwhile, Hermione had returned from Hogwarts carrying a large stack of books, which Harry always found fascinating that could still all fit in her beaded bag. She had made a quick detour to check on the main potion that was brewing and had apparently begun to emit blue smoke, which was a normal progressive effect according to the text.

Harry was anxious in that regard, because Severus seemed to be deteriorating by the day, and he had no idea how well enough he'd be for the second phase. The others, unfortunately, did not know the extent of how much Severus was suffering because they did not spend the same time with him as Harry did, but instead bared that responsibility alone. Harry knew his friends were more than a little worried but was also too scared to get close to him. This was awkward territory for them. The first phase did take a lot out of him, but all they could do was be patient. Patience was definitely not Harry's strong suit, however. He hated to think about what the third and final phase would entail for the gravely ill man.

The thoughts continued to plague his mind as he desperately tried to wipe them away, willing himself to focus on a new day.

Hermione had begun looking through the books in the sitting room, with Ron, Ginny, and Luna. Harry had joined them shortly after assisting Severus with peeling mandrake root due to his occasional tremors and left the Potion's Master to his own devices away from the teenagers upstairs.

Harry walked in to find the others deep in conversation and sat down on the single sofa beside the fire.

"Any luck?" Harry asked, sitting across from Hermione, glancing at the various books before him.

Hermione shook her head, "Unfortunately not. I mean, we have options, but it'll take us the rest of the year to search through them. It is Britain, after all. I don't even know how close to Hogwarts we should be looking…"

Harry bit his lip, "What about the abandoned ones?"

"Only hundreds of them. Remember, it could very well be a cave system that has not yet been mapped," Hermione sighed, "It's just hardly any information to go on."

"Or the London tunnels," Ron suggested, "But I doubt that idea, though. Seems far too risky."

"We really do need more information," Ginny bit her lip, "We are getting nowhere with this."

"Severus is mulling over ideas in the basement. He hasn't got a clue either," Harry added, giving a lopsided shrug.

Hermione smiled at Harry.

"…What?" Harry looked confused.

"You called him Severus."

Harry gave a slight frown, "Well, why not? That is his name."

"That's rather wonderful, Harry," Hermione still smiling, tilted her head to one side, "First-name basis is a big thing."

"Well, I can hardly call him Snape anymore. After what he did for me – us – he deserves a little more respect than that."

"Who are you, and what have you done with Harry Potter?" Ron interjected.

Harry ignored the comment, "I've forgiven him and he still feels guilty. He still blames himself for everything. We've since, well…reconciled, and we're doing our best to move forward from it all."

"I suppose the Snape we know now, is far from the Snape we knew," Ginny added, "He's not all that bad."

Harry nodded, "Basically, yeah. He recognises his past behavior and bad choices and he is doing his best to be better. Because of that, I have a newfound respect for him."

"Well, he sacrificed more than most. Even parts of himself, to keep up appearances. It must have been incredibly lonely for him," Luna nodded.

Hermione added, "Even now, we wouldn't have gotten this far without his help. We're very lucky."

"Speaking of help, I was thinking about getting the DA together again for another meeting," Harry gently changed the subject. Even he surprised himself sometimes, that now he was speaking so highly of Severus. It didn't feel wrong and he wasn't even ashamed of it.

Ron snorted, "Yeah, that's going to go down real well with Draco hanging around."

"He doesn't have to show his face – Hell, that's going to end up worse when Severus showed up to the first meeting with the DA after the Godric's Hollow incident," Harry explained, "I don't want to have to break people up again."

"Well, I doubt he'd want to show his face," Ginny added, "He's sly, but he wouldn't dare do that. Not without his personal cronies for security, which he no longer has."

"So, what will we tell the DA?" Luna asked, curiously.

"Give them an assignment? I dunno. We can't do this ourselves. We need eyes and ears out there on the lookout for more information," Harry explained, "The Death Eaters will expect us to go looking. They aren't as familiar with them, as they are with us."

"No offense, mate, but I doubt anyone is going to volunteer to go eavesdropping in dangerous places, where attacks have happened already," Ron shrugged.

"I know Dean would. Even Katie. Hell, maybe even George and Angelina," Harry responded, "They won't turn their back on our own. Lee is still out there, too."

"I refuse to send my brother out there," Ron shook his head, "No bloody way."

"I'm going to give them all the choice to help. I'm not forcing anyone, but we need the extra support," Harry began to tap his fingers nervously on his leg, feeling fresh anxiety start to rise within his chest, "I am more than happy to go, but I can't do it alone. Draco might even be a good option, but I'm sure we can all agree that we don't trust him to do that by himself just yet. There is no way in hell I'm sending Ginny out there, and most of the DA are probably too scared to even leave their homes. Not that I blame them. It's been bad enough trying to get Severus to stay put because I refuse to allow a deathly ill man to go out there. What else are we to do?"

"We can always use Polyjuice Potion," Luna said, with a small smile, "You know, take another appearance."

"We barely have any. The amount we have left will only get us through another two uses," Hermione crinkled her brow in worry, "There won't be any time to brew anymore."

"Surely, we can salvage more, somewhere?" Ginny intercepted.

"Look, let's just discuss this with the rest of the DA, and come up with some options," Harry pinched the bridge of his nose, frustratingly.

"The DA? Oh, please – " Draco suddenly barged into the sitting room giving a subtle eye roll, as he made his way to perch on the piano chair at the far end of the room far away from everyone else. His arm was still in a sling and some of the cuts and bruises on his face had started to fade, "It's like the bloody girl scouts."

"Oh, hello Draco! Nice of you to visit us. I didn't think we were expecting visitors, " Luna smiled sweetly, completely ignoring Draco's sour look, "I should have brought the jam-drop cookies I baked yesterday; however, I did make a lovely pair of socks – "

Draco scrunched up his face, Shut it, Loony!"

Luna continued, without missing a beat, "You look a bit tense Draco. Are you alright?"

Draco seemed to growl under his breath. Ginny giggled behind her hand clasped over her mouth in dreaded anticipation.

"Geez, Malfoy, calm bloody down," Ron crossed his arms over his chest.

Draco bared his teeth, "This cannot get any worse…"

"Boys, honestly, you two!" Hermione snapped; slamming shut one of the larger textbooks in front of her, "Seriously, that is quite enough. " She looked frustratingly at Draco, "So, do you have any ideas on how to find this other hideout?"

Draco raised his chin slightly, "I may have a few ideas."

"…Care to share with the rest of the class?" Ginny frowned.

"Not particularly," Draco stated bluntly.

Harry sighed heavily, grabbing Draco's attention," This isn't a hotel stop, Draco. You're here to help us find the others."

"No, I'm here because my dearest Godfather felt sorry for me," Draco responded, bitterly, "Do you think I would have chosen to be here?"

Harry raised his voice slightly, "So, you expect to hide away somewhere, while we risk our lives to bring the other Death Eaters down? To rescue our friends - Including your mother?" He ran his hair frustratingly through his messy, unkempt hair, "You cannot seriously still be that selfish. After everything?"

Draco paused, eyeing Harry with much dislike. His lip curled slightly, "I do better on my own."

"Yeah, because that has worked so well for you. What would have been your plan if your Godfather didn't rescue you from the Manor? Where else would you have gone?"

Draco said nothing.

But Harry continued this time, lowering his voice as calmly as he could, "We need your help, Draco. This is your chance to do the right thing. But right now, we need you to trust us and give us a reason to trust you. After this, you can be done with us."

"I still don't know why you suddenly trust Severus," Draco pursed his lips, "You hate each other!"

"Because I finally know the truth. If he could risk everything to save us all, despite the world against him, then maybe you can find it within yourself to make a better choice. Like he did."

"So, it's alright to have the precious Chosen One hide away here, but when I do it, I'm a coward?"

"I didn't call you a coward! The difference between us is that I'm willing to do this for everyone's sake. They took Ginny. They took Lee Jordan. Now they've taken Neville. I know you don't give a toss about them, Draco, but they have your mother too."

Draco sat in silence, averting his gaze away from Harry.

"We need to work together," Hermione gently intervened, "They will continue to hunt us down, and break us apart. They are not done terrorizing the wizarding community. Right now, their attacks have been petty but calculated. And they've not even unleashed the poisonous gas that we found half-brewed when we reclaimed headquarters. It could kill dozens if we don't stop them."

Draco crinkled his brow. His face went several shades paler, "What?"

Hermione bit her lip, "We don't know where or when it will happen. All we know is that they are capable of that…as a final attack."

"I-I didn't know."

The room fell silent, as the atmosphere became a little too uncomfortable. Harry didn't forget what they had discovered in the basement upon clearing out Grimmauld Place of enemies, and it sickened him to his core that the threat of mass murder was still out there. Right now, the Death Eaters were causing people to become frightened. Scared. Powerless. They wanted them so embedded with fear, that they could easily bend people to their will. Finding this base was crucial so that they could prevent this from happening. The Minister was aware of this, but the Auror office already had far too much on their hands.

Where could they possibly release this dark monstrosity? Hogsmeade? Diagon Alley? Godric's Hollow? London? …Hogwarts?

Harry's heart began to race. After everything they did to stop Voldemort, they were still being hunted. Terrorised. Admittedly, he was scared out of his mind. Finding Ginny alive was a miracle. But the others might not be so lucky. A sickening feeling tied painful knots within his stomach. And given the tension in the room at that moment, he knew he wasn't the only one.

Harry turned sullenly towards Draco, noticing the fresh look of horror on his face, "…You see? This is bigger than us. This is our future being destroyed. Those Death Eaters will stop at nothing. Even turning against their own. This isn't a game."

Draco breathed heavily. His expression had turned from horror to realisation, "Look, I don't know any more than what I've told you. But I do know a cloaking charm that can get me in places undetected. Once I finally get my bloody wand back, I can go with you. Severus can go with us if you don't trust me."

"We'll discuss this with him," Harry exchanged glances with both Hermione and Ron, "I have my Cloak – Two of us can fit under it. We just need to scope out Hogsmeade for more information. Hell, if we can capture a Death Eater, we can interrogate him. Or someone who might know. We have a lot of ground to cover and that's the best place to start. "

Draco nodded, "I can't argue with that."

"We'll get them back. They are not dead – Otherwise, the Death Eaters wouldn't have bothered to take them in the first place. They aim to lure us in, using our loved ones as bait –" Luna tilted her head, "But we are stronger than they think. If anything, they are scared. Their master is dead, and their numbers are dwindling. They are the ones frightened."

Harry locked hopeful eyes with Luna, and the Ravenclaw returned a smile to him.

She wasn't wrong. Although it didn't feel like it, the Death Eaters must be licking their wounds now. After they attacked Grimmauld Place, they didn't anticipate McGonagall to be there, resulting in the capture of four of their own. Their numbers were decreasing, but they were becoming more desperate, but not yet reckless. But this made them dangerous. They will refrain from attacks that would cost them, and to Harry, the silence was concerning. The anticipation of something more terrible happening was too great, and they were reveling in that.

They were spreading this fear sickeningly and maliciously, and there was not much else they could do.

After their conversation, Draco departed to talk to Severus in the basement laboratory, while Hermione left for home to be with her parents. After their frightening conversation, she left upset and wanted to be with her family. Neither one of them protested but encouraged her to spend time with them. After knowing their loved ones were being snatched around them, she felt scared for them. Ron offered to go with her, but she was adamant he does the same. So, both Ron and Ginny, although reluctant to leave Harry with Draco in the house, left for the Burrow. Harry insisted he'd be alright, and Draco was disarmed anyway. After their conversation, the younger Slytherin finally realised the gravity of the situation. Harry still didn't trust him, but he wouldn't dare attack him without magic, especially with his Godfather present. Draco was smarter than that. He could only hope their last conversation knocked some moral sense into him.

Luna was the last to leave and enveloped Harry in a well-needed hug before she left to be with her father.

Meanwhile, Harry retreated to his bedroom for the night. His mind was racing again. Everyone else had left to be with their family for the night, which Harry encouraged. Although, he did feel slightly abandoned and sad that he didn't have the same luxury. What sick irony, that the three remaining occupants had no family with them. Draco was the exception, however, but he only had his mother left alive, as far as they were aware. His father was sentenced to Azkaban with no sign of reprieve or a lesser sentence.

Harry couldn't help but overthink again as his own darker thoughts ate away at his core. Just when he thought he eventually had his anxiety under control, it came back in full force. He was scared. Really scared. He wasn't going to lie. Scared as he was the night of the third task Triwizard Tournament, being whisked away to the Gaunt graveyard, alone and terrified. His only companion, Cedric Diggory, murdered in front of his very eyes. Alone, with the newly regrouped Death Eaters. Alone, with the newly resurrected Voldemort. Alone, with no one around to help him.

Alone.

What had become of him? The fabled Chosen One. He tried to be strong…Wanted to be strong. For his friends, yes, he tried. He couldn't falter before them. Harry did his best to take charge and look after everyone. Keep them safe. Adamant, that he wanted no one else to risk their lives for him. He was worried about them all, but it always ended this way. Anyone who ever got close to Harry always got hurt. Or killed. But he couldn't do this alone. He couldn't before, and he definitely couldn't now. He didn't want to be alone. He couldn't allow the Death Eaters to take away the sliver of hope he had left.

Poor Neville. What could they possibly be doing to him? After what he heard of their treatment of Ginny, there was no way that they would take his capture lightly. After all, he slayed Nagini – the last Horcrux which brought upon the downfall of Voldemort. He was key in his demise, and they very well knew that.

Tears prickled within Harry's green eyes.

He was afraid to fall asleep tonight. His heart continued to race, and there was no stopping it. He was scared. So very scared. Overthinking was his worst enemy. If only he was able to master Occlumency and deal with the thoughts ravishing through his already fragile mind, but he couldn't. He had no choice but to deal with the emotional onslaught as it happened.

And it always tore him to shreds.

Eventually, he fell asleep just shy of midnight, after lying in bed wide awake, willing his mind to shut off for a few moments.

If only he could have a peaceful night, but his mind had other ideas as it mulled over the conversations and feelings of dread he had that day. It distorted his thoughts to create his own fresh horror.

His mind flashed to immediate darkness. All that could be heard was his own heart beating furiously in his chest, echoing against the cold stone walls. He was alone as he walked ahead. He didn't know where his feet were taking him, but they felt like they were made of stone. Heavy, and not his own. Instinctively, he looked down. It was too dark to see, but a strange dull glow highlighted his bare feet against the stone floor.

And yet he continued forward against his will.

His heart raced further, feeling a dull ache within his chest. His breaths were struggled and irregular, amidst the rising panic.

He began to hear voices, but they were distorted, and could not make out the source of them. Occasionally, he heard a scream, which echoed in the strange place he was in. The noise felt like someone was yelling in his ear, causing him to immediately clutch the side of his face in terror. He still couldn't distinguish the screams, or where they were coming from.

Harry looked around him. He was still in a dark place. An endless void, with nothing but the echoed screams reverberating around him.

Ahead, he could see a small pinprick of light, flickering softly, like a candle. But nothing else could be seen, as he moved forward ever so slowly towards the light, feeling as if his feet were stuck in quicksand.

Slowly in the distance, he could see a figure suspended in the air, but he could not distinguish them. He strained his eyes to see clearer, but it was playing tricks on him, unwilling to reveal them from so far away. He realised he was not wearing his glasses.

He edged closer….and closer…and closer…

The figure, as he could see, was suspended a few feet from the ground. Their arms raised painfully above their head, and as Harry looked closer, it appeared that their hands were bound together with a magical rope of blue and red strands, entwined together. He moved closer. The figure was limp and unmoving. He was close to the figure now. But as he edged nearer, he felt something wet underneath his feet.

He looked down to find the ground covered in blood, drenching his bare feet with the thickened, viscous fluid. The smell of blood filled his nostrils, almost tempting him to vomit.

He looked back at the figure – whose head was previously limp and staring at the ground – who was now looking at Harry directly. He could see his face. Blood coated his entire body, and Harry's eyes could not register for him if they were clothed or not, because the blood was excessive, pooling from them strangely.

Cedric Diggory was staring right at him, with cold, dead white eyes. Unmoving. Unblinking. His face was frozen in fear. Parts of his skin were exposed, revealing lacerations so deep, he swore he could see bone. Sections of his flesh were missing from his cheek like something had chewed it off. The blood was pooling from him – flowing unnaturally like it was rain. It sickened Harry to his stomach and he let out a gasp.

He was utterly repulsed.

He could hear a groan behind him, and he turned around to reveal yet another suspended figure. This one was displayed in the same way. Pools of blood dripping horribly from them, injured, like Cedric. He took a few steps closer, and their head raised in the same fashion.

It was Sirius. Eyes as cold and lifeless as Cedric's. His body was damaged and tortured much the same. But as he looked below, he noticed he was missing his leg below the knee, like it was torn off…And Harry looked down below the body amongst the pool of blood to find the missing limb.

Harry released a sob which escaped from his throat, fighting the desperate urge to vomit.

The blood on the floor was now rising to his knees.

He averted his gaze desperately away from his Godfather's tortured form, to find yet another hanging figure. This time it was Remus and Tonks, suspended together. Blood dripping and joining the others.

Harry gave an anguished cry. "Please, no…Get me out of here, please…I don't want to see…No, I've had enough…Please…"

He turned around again. Fred Weasley.

The blood now rose to his waist. Harry tried to shut his eyes but couldn't – being forced to witness the horror he couldn't escape from.

He turned again. Mad-Eye Moody.

But things took a different turn, and he began to see others he knew who weren't dead.

He looked away to see more figures. Molly. Arthur. Bill. Fleur. Charlie.

He cried out again, trying to look away, but everywhere he turned, he could see more suspended forms around him, dead or alive. Taunting him.

The blood reached his chest.

His parents - James and Lily. Eyes white and lifeless. Dead. Hollow.

McGonagall. Hagrid. Flitwick. Trelawny. Sprout.

Lavender. Colin. Lee. Cho. Dean. Hannah. Seamus.

Harry struggled to breathe, as panic took his chest like a vice grip. Crushing it slowly. Gasping for dear life, like it was being sucked away by a Dementor, being violently ripped away from his body.

He turned again to Hermione. Ron. Luna. Neville. Ginny. Severus.

The room was filling up with blood to his neck and rising.

He drew in a final desperate gasp…

Harry screamed as his room came back into view, behind his distorted vision. Tears streamed down his face, drenching his sweat-soaked shirt. He found himself already huddled on the floor against the wall on the far side of the darkened bedroom. His knees felt bruised and were curled up to his chest. His face was buried in his knees, with his arms clasped tightly around them, body shaking with the sobs that he could not contain. He wept, willing for it all to stop. He felt nauseated – still at the sight of blood, he could see and feel. He felt dirty. Unclean. Blood could still be felt under his feet and between his toes, even though when he looked down, there was nothing. Metallic and cold. Bile rose painfully within his throat, feeling fresh tears fall again.

His heart still raced, as he drew in sharp, struggling breaths. His chest felt like it was on fire. His head was spinning, causing his vision to blur and distort, feeling a fresh wave of nausea yet again.

"…What are you doing up here?"

"Potter is having a meltdown – "

"Draco – Go back to your room. I'll handle this. Go, now!"

Heavy footsteps bounded up the staircase and his door burst immediately open and shut behind him. Harry didn't look up, but the pain in the voices beyond the room told him more than he needed. Panicked steps shuffled around him, hearing the chime of a wand against the door, masking all sound, when eventually he felt a blanket carefully wrap around his shoulders.

Harry continued to weep with anguished cries, as Severus kneeled in front of him.

"Shhh, it's alright. You're awake. You're here," Severus tried to soothe Harry with calming tones, but the teenager was still clearly distressed. He grabbed the Gryffindors' shoulders, "Breathe, Harry."

Harry shook his head wildly, head still buried within his knees, "No…It's not alright…It'll never be alright…"

"It will. Focus on your breaths. Your panic will ease."

"No…you don't understand. I'm sick of this…so sick of this…I can't…" Harry choked out the words between heaved breaths.

"I understand. Truly, I do."

"Everyone dead…All dead…Gone…"

"Be still. Calm yourself. It was a nightmare. You're awake. It's not real."

"Gone…Everyone…I'm alone again…Always alone…" Harry repeated his words like a mantra on a loop within his mind.

"No, no. You're not alone," Harry could detect slight panic in the man's voice.

Harry continued to shake his head rapidly, trying to shake the images of the dead, grotesque bleeding bodies out of his mind. His face scrunched up in repulsion, trying to resist the urge to vomit all over himself. He unclasped his hands and squeezed his palms into his eyes as if it would rub the images away from his eyelids. But he could still see them.

Harry gasped with struggling breaths, as the images of the horror still flashed within his mind. He rocked back and forward in his huddled position in the corner, willing it all to stop.

Severus continued to kneel in front of him with deep concern etched across the aged lines of his face, trying desperately to seek out the tormented green eyes, "Harry, I would like to show you something."

Harry let out a distressed whimper, shaking his head again.

"Harry. I must request to offer my assistance. You know what I will ask of you. Your permission."

The Gryffindor slowly lowered his palms, vision skewed by the force of his hands, and the tears that would not stop cascading down his face and drenching his shirt. Eventually, he nodded shakily.

Severus slowly withdrew his wand, "Look at me."

A few moments passed when Harry dreaded to lock eyes with the man before him. But he was desperate. Anything to erase those images of his dead friends and family from his mind. Then he looked up.

"Legilimens."

There were whirling flashes of images in his mind, which flipped through his vision like a kaleidoscope. He saw many memories of his that looked familiar, but eventually, a few memories whirled by which he knew was not his own. He watched in curiosity as one memory began to play out before him. He could not stop it, so he had no choice but to witness it.

"Merry Christmas, Sev!"

"Merry Christmas to you too, Lily."

A raven-haired boy and a red-headed girl sat in the sitting room of the Evan's home, in front of a large Christmas tree filled with presents of all shapes and sizes. The tree, which was tall enough for its glittering gold star to reach the ceiling, was adorned in decorations and tinsel covering every inch. Every little ornament of snowman, reindeer, and angel shone in the light of the room. The Christmas lights flashed rainbow colors, illuminating the presents underneath.

What Harry could see, was a young Lily and Severus sitting together with a present each in front of them. Severus wore an oversized grey jacket, which looked like it was passed down a few generations. A few tears were seen along its sleeves, hastily patched up with loose black thread. His messy dark hair slightly unkempt, but he made an effort to make himself look presentable. Lily wore a blue floral dress, with white frills along its hem. Her long red hair hung over her shoulders in waves, with the side of her hair pinned up by a white clip adorned with stars.

With a childish glee, the young children swapped the presents they gifted to each other and hastily ripped open the Christmas wrapping paper. Ribbons flew off, and strips of red, green, and white paper littered the floor, as the children grew more excited by the seconds which passed.

Lily was the first to pry her gift open, which revealed a small black and silver box. Severus watched with interest as she gently lifted the lid, to reveal a small glass globe. She picked it up carefully, as the globe fit snuggly within her small palm. Her green eyes widened in delight.

"WOAH!"

She lifted the globe under the light above, and inside something that glowed a dazzling gold, orange, red, and yellow. A small Phoenix fluttered inside, no bigger than a butterfly. Tiny flickering sparks glittered harmlessly from its wings, as it flew aimlessly within its pearly sphere.

"What is this, Sev?"

Severus smiled, "It's a Phoenix. Well, not a real one of course. They are much bigger than that. It's a charm to make it look real."

"Are there Phoenix's at Hogwarts?"

Severus shook his head, "I don't think so. They are very rare."

Lily could not peel her eyes away from the tiny magical bird within her palm. She blinked several times, amidst her mesmerisation, until she finally grinned back at Severus, "Okay, your turn!"

Severus also revealed a slightly smaller red box. He opened the lid carefully to find a small bracelet. It was a beaded, definitely handmade, which consisted of shimmering white and pearl beads. Hanging off one end was a tiny white lily charm, beside a golden feather.

Severus smiled. A tinge of red appeared on his pale cheeks, "You made this, didn't you?"

Lily smiled proudly, "I sure did! I wanted you to have something to remember me by if we don't have the same classes next year."

Not wasting any time, Severus slipped the beaded bracelet over his wrist, admiring it happily, "I really love it. Thank you, Lily!"

"I hope we can be friends forever."

"Hogwarts will be fun when we start next year. We won't be alone because we'll have each other when things get tough."

Lily beamed, "It's going to be wonderful."

Harry opened his eyes slowly, blinking back fresh tears as he watched Severus avert his gaze and slowly lower himself further to the floor. He sat beside him against the wall, slumping backward with a heaved, sickly-wheezed sigh. Harry felt a strong arm move across his back; hand reassuringly squeezing his opposite shoulder in comfort, as Harry let out a small sob. This one was not of anguish, however. Not the wailing howls that escaped him earlier upon his ghastly nightmare. But this one was of a longing ache of a memory that was not his.

The pair sat in silence for a few moments, as Harry began to get his breathing under control. His panic began to ease, but his chest felt tight and uncomfortable from the strain. His mind and body were exhausted. His heart still thumping wildly within his chest, but his mind was more cooperative as all he could think about what the memory that Severus had just shown him. Harry pulled the blanket more tightly around him, in deep thought.

A silent minute or two passed, as Severus reached into his pocket and extended it out towards Harry. He opened his palm.

It was the bracelet Lily had given him for Christmas.

"Take it."

Harry stared at the bracelet bewildered and in shock, not knowing how to react, "…How?"

"I always carried it with me. As a reminder at times when I, too, felt lost and confused."

Harry frowned, "But I-it's yours…I can't take this."

"And now it's yours. I am merely passing it down."

Harry gingerly retrieved it from the man's pale palm, turning the children's handmade bracelet into his hands. The tiny lily charm dangled off from the beads, shimmering like pearls. It seemed like such a simple thing but held so many embedded emotions. She made this with her own hands, without magic. Even though it once belonged to her, it still held such importance, "I-I don't know what to say."

"You will do well to look after it."

"Of course…Thank you," Harry continued to observe the bracelet with the same curiosity much like his mother did upon Severus' gift. He sniffled, as he dabbed his still-falling tears with the hem of his shirt, "…Whatever happened to the Phoenix?"

Severus frowned lightly, "I never knew what became of it," His gaze wandered away from Harry, looking heartbroken as he exhaled gently, "Harry, you're not alone. I just want you aware of that."

Harry looked at the floor, clenching his jaw still feeling incredibly tensed and shaken, "I'm just…I'm just sick of everyone getting hurt, taken, or dying around me. I grew up alone…before magic. What matters if I end up alone in the end? It's safer that way. For everyone."

Severus frowned, "Nonsense. You have a plethora of friends and support around you. Do not push them away, dear Merlin, do not. Take the advice from someone who did push people away. Willingly. I would not wish that upon you."

"Severus, I'm…afraid," Harry lowered his voice to a whisper, almost too scared to speak the words aloud that have been on his mind for weeks.

A breath caught in Severus' throat, "You faced a three-headed dog, a Basilisk, Dementors single-handedly, a werewolf, a dragon, in pursuit of dark wizards, and the Dark Lord himself…And now you are afraid?"

Harry gave a weak chuckle, followed by another sniffle, "I've always been afraid. Facing all that stuff doesn't make you fearless. What scares me is that, even now that he is gone, people are still suffering. Dying. And there's not a damn thing I can do."

Severus paused, "Even you cannot fix everything. That is not your job, Harry. Your friends here are alive. And the ones who were taken, we will bring them back safely," He paused, taking a few extra moments to examine the devastation on the teenager's face, hand still on his shoulder, "…Something else is bothering you."

Harry shook his head, feeling miserable, "…It's stupid."

"I taught First years. I assure you; I've had my fair share of ignorant stupidity," Severus spoke dully, with a touch of his usual sarcasm, in his attempt to diffuse the heavy atmosphere.

Harry paused, still lowering his voice, "I'm afraid to see someone else die. I almost lost Ginny. Neville is a fighter, but I can't bear to think about how they are torturing him. But I suppose, and it's stupid of me, but…I don't want to see you die. Again. Everyone keeps leaving me." Harry looked away feeling ashamed of himself for admitting such a thing. He buried his head in his hands once more. The other hand on his shoulder squeezed reassuringly again.

Severus drew in a shuddered breath, realising the severity of his own situation. He paused, mulling over the boy's words, and feeling the heaviness within his chest. His voice was soft, "I shouldn't have returned. I didn't want this to happen. I didn't want you dealing with this."

Harry shook his head, "No, I'm really glad you're here. We all are. But please don't tell me you still want to – "

"- I don't want to die, Harry. I thought I did before, but now…Now, I can no longer bear the thought. There is still much I feel I must do. I thought my duty was finally over, but I realise I can still be of use, somehow…" Severus looked at Harry wearily; his dark eyes full of the deepest regret, "I should have done more to protect you, but I didn't. I failed. I should have recognised what your blasted relatives were doing to you, and intervened, against Albus' wishes."

"No, I blame Dumbledore for that."

"I should have done more, Harry. I was a blithering fool because I didn't want to believe it. My perception of your father clouded my judgment, and I did nothing, " Severus paused again, and Harry noticed the man's eyes appear to tear up.

"You couldn't have known, Severus."

"But I witnessed some of those memories in those Occlumency lessons. The signs…I failed to see – "

"- Stop. Please. It's not your fault. I told Dumbledore I never wanted to return there in my first year, but he made it seem like there was no other choice, " Harry clenched his jaw, frustrated, "He purposely kept me in the dark. He didn't understand."

"He wouldn't dare admit it, " Severus lightly pinched the bridge of his nose, baring his teeth in equal frustration. He allowed himself a moment to settle his anger, looking up at the ceiling for some kind of sign that would never appear. Eventually, he tilted his head towards the Gryffindor, lowing his deep voice into a whisper, "…What did they do to you?"

"Who?"

"Your bloody relatives."

Harry bit his lip, and looked away, "It doesn't matter."

Severus frowned, "It does matter. Never invalidate your experiences, Harry. They cannot and mustn't be ignored. Your beloved aunt Petunia is a vile woman. She could never accept your mother for what she was. Who she was. And for that, she punished you for it, beyond your control…Much like I did…" Severus added the last few words quietly, hearing a slight quiver within his voice. Harry felt the arm shift from his shoulder as if the man forgot it was still there and allowed it to fall back within his lap, staring at his own shaking hands, ashamed of himself.

"But you never hit me. They did."

Severus looked devastated, as he avoided Harry's gaze, "Words can also damage you just the same, if not worse. Far worse."

Harry looked down at the bracelet in the palm of his hand, fighting back another tear. How on earth did they both get here? Both consumed with trauma, with no way of rectifying that past so damaged beyond repair. They both suffered. And still, continue to suffer. They both grew up in the same dark childhood, succumbing to the will of their tormentors without a choice. The ones who hurt them mercilessly. They fought to survive, barely keeping their head above water. Loneliness was all they had, and their own voices within their head as company, yelling for mercy. Severus had Lily for a while, so already that was a light that lifted within a few bleak years of his childhood. It was obvious enough they still suffered the same.

But facing a damaged past was painful. Admitting to the guilt, tore them both to shreds.

Harry took a glance beside him and was startled to see a single tear trail down Severus' pallid face, barely seen behind the black curtains of the man's hair and the pale moonlight cast over from the window.

"You're not a monster, Severus. They were, " Harry spoke quietly, rubbing his palms over his tired, bloodshot, tear-soaked eyes, "We both come from a messed-up childhood. Not even my friends know…I couldn't ever tell them the extent of it because they wouldn't understand. But I know you do because you lived through it too."

Severus remained silent, but jerked his head slightly, still avoiding his gaze.

Harry was still staring at the bracelet, "Severus, you're the only person who actually gives a damn. This entire time. I-I don't want you to…leave me…I know I sound ridiculous after everything, but this sickness you have…terrifies me…"

There was a suffocating pause, followed by a shaky, raspy breath beside him, "…It terrifies me too."

Harry's shoulder slumped and felt his hands slacken within his lap in defeat, wishing there was more he could do. It was – to put it rather simply – unfair. The one person who dared to care this much had a small chance to survive. Two months remained until the end of the transference spell, and time was racing against them. Neither one of them knew how long Severus truly had left until this curse takes its final grasp on him. Harry was so used to losing people so suddenly, but the fact that both are devastatingly predicting his looming demise felt far worse. Is it possible to mourn over someone who is close to death? It felt that way. Harry still felt wracked with grief over those he had lost in the course of this war, but this…This was different. Not knowing how each day would fare for the Potions Master who sacrificed so much, was frightening. There may be a day when Severus may not be physically capable of helping them. His body was fighting as best it could, but the poisonous remnants were now damaging his nerves beyond repair. The antivenom was keeping it at bay, but it will not hold it for long.

Everything was slowly shutting down.

Severus was getting noticeably weaker by the day. Exhaustion and pain were a constant battle, and Harry's heart couldn't bear to see him further suffering. After everything he sacrificed to help bring down Voldemort, risking his loyalties and losing allies in broken trust, Harry could not accept this to be his fate. No, this was truly unfair. Just when they both learned to forgive each other, this curse wants to take that all away and any chance Harry had to mend a damaged relationship. A broken past.

Harry felt a gentle hand on his shoulder again, which gently snapped him out of his heartbroken reverie.

"I must retreat for the remainder of the night now, Harry. I cannot function on limited sleep as I used to, " Severus spoke with a touch of sadness in his voice.

Harry nodded, shifting his weight on the floor, which indicated how numb his backside was after sitting there for quite some time. He could only imagine how Severus felt. The man beside him grumbled and swore under his breath trying to pull himself up, losing any remainder of the energy he had. Harry slipped the man's hand around his shoulder and carefully pulled him back onto his feet. The Slytherin seemed to be getting lighter, and he knew Severus had been losing his appetite recently. But he felt protruding ribs against him as he helped him up, which had Harry feeling more alarmed.

"Y-You okay to go downstairs?" Harry asked.

Severus shook his head, casting a saddened last glance at Harry, "I'll manage. Now…rest."

"Thank you."

Harry watched as he exited his room, closing the door behind him on his way out. Feeling a mild shiver, he curled back into bed, lying awake yet again, pondering their conversation and the impending hardships they will both face.

Another final tear streaked down his face, as he closed his eyes and shuffled to the bed to attempt to sleep once again.