In which Harry must face up to what he has become.

While grief is fresh, every attempt to divert only irritates. You must wait till it be digested, and then amusement will dissipate the remains of it.

Samuel Johnson (1709 - 1784)

“Oh?” Snape sneered. “Let’s test that theory—Legilimens!”

Harry instinctively panicked for a moment when he heard the spell, and tried to clear his mind desperately. The spell hit, and Harry saw the first memory he didn’t want anyone to see, much less the Potions Master—him cowering back into the closet while Snape advanced on him. In anger he nearly flung all the energy inside of him out, but then he realized that he could do something more productive with it. He used the energy he already had from Snape to remove the Legilimens from him in the same way as he had done for the Riddikulus curse earlier. It was too much for him to hold on to, but he was able to send it toward Dumbledore along with some from his shield and tell it to wake him.

The magic hit the headmaster and entered into him. Immediately he blinked his eyes open and sat up. “Ah, I see that I underestimated Mr. Potter again. Thank you for your assistance, Severus.”

Snape was staring intently at Harry, who was staring just as intently at the floor. The headmaster seemed to sense the awkwardness. “Is there something wrong?”

Neither spoke. Harry didn’t want to anger Snape, especially now that he knew at least part of his secret, and Snape presumably did not want to admit that he had attacked Harry instead of reviving the headmaster. “Severus? Harry?” Dumbledore tried again.

Gordon spoke up. “He attacked Harry, Headmaster. He cast a spell at him, but I think Harry used some of the energy to wake you up.” He looked torn between anger at the professor who had attacked his student, and pride that Harry had defused the situation so well.

“Is this true, Severus?” Dumbledore asked wearily, looking to Snape. “Nevermind, I won’t ask that question,” he amended a moment later. “What spell did you have the *audacity* to cast at an unarmed student during the holidays?”

“Legilimens, sir,” the usually proud man replied through gritted teeth. He made a last ditch attempt to salvage some respectability in the eyes of the older wizard. “I was testing to see if he had been practicing Occlumency, sir.”

Dumbledore frowned at Snape. “You may go. I will deal with you later. But if I hear that you have even *alluded* to what has happened here in the meantime…” He left the threat unfinished. Snape nodded and stalked from the room quickly. Dumbledore sighed and looked to Harry, who had sagged back wearily. “Are you alright, Harry?”

Harry nodded. Then he smiled weakly. “He only got in for a minute, and then I took the energy and used it to wake you up.”

Dumbledore smiled widely, his eyes twinkling furiously. “Congratulations, Harry! Are you ready to try going to see other people now?”

He started to nod and tried to stand to his feet, but his limbs didn’t seem to want to coordinate. He sighed and just lay down on the floor. He distantly heard chuckling but his head was just so fuzzy. A moment later he felt someone’s arms lifting him, and thought he heard a gasp. Two voices were talking in worried tones but he just couldn’t rouse himself out of his half sleep. When he was laid on a soft bed, he slipped the rest of the way into a sound sleep.

And so he found himself a bit more comfortable today as Gordon entered with a smile. “Harry! How was your morning?”

“Tiring,” he admitted. “I’m not sure how I’m going to manage at Hogwarts… Just being around my three friends was exhausting.” And disappointing, he didn’t add.

“It’s hardly been 24 hours since you found out what was happening and started learning to control it. Give yourself some time, and I’m sure you’ll get it,” Gordon replied. “What about your friends? How did they take the news?”

Harry sighed. “What I told them they took okay, I guess…”

“That doesn’t sound very positive. And what’s this about, ‘what I told them’? What didn’t you tell them?” Gordon asked piercingly.

“Well…”

* * *

“Hi guys,” Harry greeted quietly as he took a hesitant step through the door to the library.

“Harry!” As usual Hermione was the first to launch herself in his direction. “Where have you been, we’ve been so worried!”

Harry had gasped slightly at the strain of pulling Hermione’s energy out of the way, but it was masked by the fact that she had thrown her arms around him at that point.

“Hermione—can’t-breathe-“ he only half-playfully gasped. “Good to see you too,” he laughed when she finally let go. Then he looked to the two redheads who were only barely restraining themselves from the same response. “You too.”

“Where *were* you, Harry?” Ginny asked, the worry in her voice and a flash of frustration in her eyes.

“Yeah, mate, what happened?” Ron chimed in.

Harry moved his gaze to the floor, which not only served to hide his emotions but also the strain that he was feeling from now having two more sources of magic swirling around him. “It’s stupid…” he answered quietly.

“Oh come on, Harry… I’m sure it wasn’t stupid at all!” responded Hermione.

“Well, I—I didn’t want anyone to know where I was… I needed to be alone, and especially away from Gordon…”

“Can you tell us why?” Ginny asked gently.

“He pushed me… he wanted me to tell him too much, too fast. Some stuff I just don’t want to talk about, like Voldemort.”

Ron’s voice was surprised. “You haven’t told him about Voldemort? How on earth have you told him anything about yourself?”

Anger flared up at him and he only caught the energy just in time. He hoped desperately that no one had noticed the brief crackling in the air that had been its only signal. “My life doesn’t revolve around Voldemort, you know!” he exclaimed, and then he began to laugh nervously. “Oh… I guess it does, doesn’t it?” The others joined briefly in his nervous laughter. “I just… I wanted to be normal…”

He’d tried two people before, but this was the first time he was trying to deal with three at once, and he wasn’t coping very well. “I’m really sorry, guys, but… could you give me a little space?” The three looked a bit confused at this but backed off. This brought both Ginny and Ron out of his current sphere, and Hermione to its edge. He tried not to visibly sag with relief but wasn’t sure how successful he had been.

Hermione frowned, confusion and worry welling up in her. “Harry, what’s going on?”

“I…” He shook his head slowly. “I found out some stuff from Dumbledore. I guess in coming of age sometimes new powers develop in some people.”

There was a pause, and then Ginny asked tentatively, “Yeah, most people know that, but what does that have to do with you needing us to back up?” Harry’s head swung to stare at her, and in his surprise he lost some of his control on the stored energy in the room, and there was another crackle before he regained control. “I saw you relax when we backed up, and just now I could feel the magic in the air but it wasn’t doing anything.”

“Even Dumbledore isn’t completely certain what is going on, which says something about it. Apparently I have the ability to gather and control the ambient magical energy of others. He said it was similar to a wizarding legend about the Depas—Depastori?”

“Depascori?” Ron gasped as his eyes widened, and he and Ginny both took several additional steps backward.

Hermione looked confused. “I’ve never read about the Depascori. Did Dumbledore say where he heard about this?”

Before Harry could answer Ron’s fear disappeared as he got a triumphant look on his face, and then exclaimed, “What’s this? I know something that Hermione doesn’t? Woohoo!” and started dancing around in circles. Unfortunately, his circles brought him too close to Harry and there was another crackle of magical energy before Harry got it under control. This brought Ron out of his celebration as he backed up again and muttered, “Sorry, mate.”

“It’s okay, just try to remember in the future,” Harry replied, wishing that the Weasleys wouldn’t look at him with that expression on their face. “And Hermione, don’t feel too bad. Dumbledore said the Depascori are part of a story in the wizard world used to scare children, which is also why not much is really known about them.”

Hermione’s face showed a bit of relief, but she looked like she had something else on her mind. “Am I too close, Harry? I’m about where Ron got to when the flash or whatever it was happened.”

“You’re just inside my sphere of influence, but it’s ok, I have your energy under control. No offense, but controlling Dumbledore’s power is quite a bit harder than a 6th year.”

Hermione backed up a bit, and then asked, “Is this better?”

“You’re still inside my sphere, but really, it’s ok. I don’t mind you being there.” Hermione didn’t seem to be completely listening, and she backed up to join Ron and Ginny. Harry looked at her face, and saw a bit of fear in her face as well. Loneliness crept up on him with the realization that this would most likely be everyone’s reaction when they found out about him. He turned and fled the room without another word.

“They were scared of me, Gordon,” Harry finished, trying to keep his voice steady. “If they reacted like that… I can’t tell anyone! But what happens if someone surprises me in the middle of class and I lose control?” Some of his desperation was leaking out despite his best efforts.

“Harry, there is something important you have to believe,” Gordon said, leaning forward. When Harry nodded that he was listening, he continued, “This ability is not bad, nor does having it make you bad.”

Harry shook his head in denial. “I wish I could believe you, Gordon, but you heard what Dumbledore said… I’m like the wizarding world’s worst nightmare!”

“That is not what he said, Harry. He said your ability was similar to that of the Depascori, but if you remember he also made it very clear that you are no monster and that this ability was not evil or dark in any way.”

“Then why are people so scared of it?” Harry protested.

“Let’s think about it… why do you think they would find this frightening?”

This brought Harry up short. He thought about it. “I guess… I guess because the stronger you were, the worse off you would be. Wizards are used to only using magic, so the fact that they not only couldn’t use magic but that being magical could work against them would be scary…”

Gordon nodded. “That makes sense. Anything else?”

Harry frowned. “Well, if it were possible to actually take their magic that would be even scarier. I would be more powerful and they would be weaker.”

“So do you think those fears are justified in the face of reality? That is, do you think people have a reason to be afraid of you?”

“Well…” Harry hedged. “It is true that the stronger someone is the more I have to work with… For example, the difference between Dumbledore and Hermione was quite large. But unless they attack me I’m not going to use it against them, so…”

Gordon nodded in agreement. “What about taking their magic? Can you actually do that, make them weaker?”

Harry shook his head. “I don’t think so. I’m just feeding off their ambient magic, which they aren’t using anyway.”

“So, once your friends understand this and have some time to think things through, they won’t be scared of you anymore, don’t you think?”

“But that assumes that I actually have control!” Harry replied. “If I don’t… the magic is so volatile, it just does whatever it thinks I want or need, without conscious thought from me. They should be scared of me; I could hurt them!”

“Harry, when faced with someone you truly dislike and when you felt threatened, the worst you did was stun. If you accidentally stun someone, it can be easily remedied. What are you really worried about?”

“I don’t want to be even more of a freak!” Harry exclaimed in frustration, before realizing what he had said and turning his gaze toward the floor.

“Why do you think you are a freak, Harry?” Gordon asked softly.

“Because of this!” Harry snarled, pulling his fringe back to display his infamous scar. “My whole life revolves around a Dark Lord who tried to kill me when I was a baby and somehow failed, and now I am expected to kill him!”

There was no doubt that Gordon had not known this information previously, as his face showed both surprise and confusion. “What are you talking about? You’re still in school, surely no one expects you—“

“’Surely!’ he says!” mocked Harry. “I told you, I’m a freak. The rules don’t apply to me! No, I’ve been expected to do this since I was a baby, even if some people didn’t want to admit it to me until recently,” he finished bitterly. “But first I had to spend ten torturous years alone with the Dursleys so that I would be ‘safe.’” He laughed humorlessly. “Safe like I am at Hogwarts, where I end up having to fight Voldemort nearly every year. Though I suppose I didn’t have to fight him this year, I just chose to go get my godfather killed!”

Gordon looked worried, but a bit of righteous anger seemed to come over him at the end of Harry’s monologue. “Now I know that’s not true! You loved your godfather, and you did not choose to get him killed,” Gordon insisted firmly.

“What do you know?” Harry exclaimed. “You don’t know anything! I let Voldemort trick me, I fell right into his plan… I didn’t listen to Hermione when she warned me, I just went off on my ‘saving people thing’ without ever thinking about the danger! And Sirius had to come rescue me and he got killed doing it, and my friends could have gotten killed too if it weren’t for our ‘sheer dumb luck’!”

“Harry… Harry!” Gordon reached forward and grabbed Harry’s waving hands gently, stilling them. “Calm down, I’m not trying to argue with you.” This statement shocked Harry into complete silence. “You’re right, Harry, that the events that lead to your godfather’s death were indeed at least partially your fault. However, that is not to say that I will allow you to take full responsibility for what happened.”

“Why not?” Harry demanded. “You just said it was my fault! I could have stopped it!”

“Yes, Harry, you could have done things differently, and you will have to face those mistakes and think about them. In fact, I believe we are going to be having a conversation very soon about your hero complex. You are not the only one who could have done things differently, though. Sirius made his decision to follow you… even Voldemort made his decision to trick you, and that portion of the blame clearly lies with him.”

“But I could have stopped it!” Harry repeated stubbornly. “Other people made decisions, but if I hadn’t let myself be tricked he wouldn’t have gotten killed!”

“You can’t say that for certain, Harry. For all you know Voldemort could have killed Sirius in a battle the next day. You simply can’t second guess everything; all you can do is take responsibility for what you have done, and not take the responsibility of others upon yourself. If you can learn to stop taking others’ guilt on yourself, I think you will find things much easier to deal with.”

Harry was shaking his head in preparation to continue protesting, but Gordon spoke again first. “Listen, I know I can’t make you believe this, nor do I want to. Just think about it, alright?” Harry hesitated before nodding reluctantly. “Now, what about this—“ Gordon interrupted himself when there was a knock on the door.

As for Harry, he had been startled by the unexpected interruption and his ‘sphere’ pulsed outward for a moment, just far enough to come in contact with the person standing outside. “Ron?” he half-greeted and half-questioned.

The door opened and Ron stuck his head in, and seemed to be just as startled to realize that Gordon was there. “Oh, I’m sorry, I forgot about… I’ll just come back later,” he quickly excused and began to close the door behind him.

“Wait, Ron!” Gordon called out. “Come on in, you don’t need to come back later.”

Ron looked to Harry for confirmation and Harry shrugged, not sure what to make of all this. However, he indicated a space on the bed next to him for Ron to sit and waited to see what his best friend would do. Ron moved hesitantly as he entered the room, but as nothing seemed to happen he relaxed noticeably and moved more quickly to sit beside Harry.

Gordon watched the two of them with a small smile on his face, then asked, “Would you like me to leave? You can come get me when you’re done talking…”

Harry might not have minded Gordon staying, but it was obvious from Ron’s face that he did. “Erm… I think that would be good… thanks, Gordon,” Harry replied. They both watched as the older man left the room, and then Harry turned back to Ron. “What’s going on, Ron?”

“Err… I just wanted to apologize, for earlier, you know,” Ron stumbled through his words as he shrugged. “We all got so scared, and then I realized how silly it was… and I could see how hurt you were. It’s just… the stories, about the Depascori, they’re scary. They’re like Dementors only with your magic, and anything you try just makes them stronger because they feed off your magic.” He laughed humorlessly. “But you’re obviously not a monster out to feed off of anyone’s magic, you’re just able to use it. If you were out to get us like the Depascori then we’d be dead!” This time his laugh had slightly more amusement in it. “So I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’m sorry. I just heard Depascori, and well… it was like a gut reaction, you know?”

Harry nodded, relief flooding through him. Gordon was right, they weren’t going to be mad at him forever! “I know, Ron… It was scary for me, too. I didn’t know what was going on, and then I—“ He laughed nervously. “I stunned Snape,” he admitted. “Accidentally!” he added quickly.

Ron laughed at loud at this. “Bully for you, Harry! He’s had it coming to him forever… I only wish I could have been there to see it!”

Harry wasn’t quite so excited. “He was so mad… And I really didn’t mean it. I think it’s a good thing I’m not taking Potions next term.”

“So how does this work, exactly?” Ron asked. “I mean, how are you like the Depascori? Obviously whatever you’re doing with our magic is not harmful, or else Dumbledore wouldn’t have let you come near people again.”

Harry shuddered at the mere thought of never being able to come within a normal distance of anyone. “It’s… Well, like I said earlier, the only thing I affect is your ambient magical energy, so as far as I know it shouldn’t affect the power of your spells or have any noticeable effects to you. I guess… From what I can tell, every wizard gives off this magical energy, and usually it just dissipates. With me, though, I act kind of like a magnet for it… I think that crackling is the magic staying in the air between us, because I haven’t told it to do anything yet.”

“So why isn’t there any crackling right now? And what do you mean, you haven’t told it to do anything?”

“Hmm… It’s like the magic will do whatever I want to happen. I don’t have to say any spells, or move my hands or anything, just picture clearly what I want to happen. With Snape, the magical energy just threw itself at him in a stunning spell because I felt threatened by him.”

“So what else can you do?” Ron asked excitedly.

Harry smiled at his red-headed friend’s enthusiasm. “Well I can do this…” He imagined the magical energy around him already to be invisible, and Ron gasped.

“Harry??”

Grinning, Harry reappeared by making the energy clear again. “You prat!” Ron exclaimed, slapping him lightly upside the head. “Don’t scare me like that!” Then he seemed to recognize the benefits of what he had just seen. “You’ll never need an invisibility cloak again!”

“Actually… I probably will, since I can only do that as long as there is someone close enough that I can draw magic from. Although I suppose it could come in handy if Snape were just around the corner about to catch me!”

“I’ll say!” Ron hesitated as if considering his next question before asking, “So, what happened yesterday, anyway? Everyone was looking for you, and then the next thing we knew people were saying you were in the room with Dumbledore, and Snape was lurking around outside the door like the overgrown bat he is. Then he went in, and Gordon came out a few minutes later with you in his arms, and Dumbledore was furious with Snape!”

“Oh, that,” Harry responded with substantially less enthusiasm in his voice. “Dumbledore was helping teach me to control the energy better but then I kind of accidentally reflected a stunner back at him too fast for him to dodge it.” Ron’s eyes widened at this tidbit. “Before we started he told Gordon to just go get Snape if something like that happened, even though I told him Snape would be mad. So Snape came in and I tried to just ask him to wake Dumbledore up, but he said he wanted to get me back for stunning him first. He cast Legilimens on me and—“

“That—That—how dare he?! After he didn’t even finish training you he had the gall to rub it in your face and rummage through your thoughts?” Ron exclaimed.

Harry laughed. “It would have been a lot worse if it had worked. Instead, I managed to reflect the spell and use it to Enervate Professor Dumbledore. Snape wasn’t too happy about that. Then Gordon told the headmaster what Snape had done, and that must have been why Dumbledore was furious.” A pensive look came over his face. “I wonder if Dumbledore actually punished Snape…”

Ron looked skeptical. “Wouldn’t that be the day? But Dumbledore ‘trusts’ Snape… and he’s a professor, it’s not like we would ever find out what his punishment was anyway.”

Harry nodded. “Yeah…” He smiled hesitantly. “Thanks, Ron.”

His best friend looked at him as if he had grown horns. “Why are you thanking me?”

“Because you’re not scared of me… I wouldn’t have blamed you—I’m a bit scared of myself,” he admitted with a shrug.

Ron shook his head in bemusement. “Only you, Harry… only you would develop an ability that no one’s ever heard of before and be scared of it.” He laughed. “What are you scared of, that you’ll stun Snape again? If you do, I’m sure he’ll deserve it!”

“Prat,” Harry responded good-naturedly, lightly punching Ron on the shoulder. “You should have heard him… ‘Headmaster, he must be expelled… He attacked a professor with magic during the holidays!’” Ron laughed at Harry’s remarkably good impression of Snape’s tone and mannerisms.

“You know, mate, I’m not sure I like how good you are at imitating him…” he teased. Harry rolled his eyes. He was sorely tempted to show Ron a real impression of Snape using his metamorphmagus abilities, but he decided finally that he really did want to keep that a secret.

“Sorry to break off you insulting me, but I think Gordon is waiting for us to finish talking,” Harry replied somewhat reluctantly.

“Oh! Yeah, Hermione and Ginny are probably wondering where I disappeared to,” Ron responded immediately. Harry’s smile widened at the indication that Ron had not been advised to come talk to him but had done it of his own accord. “I’ll see you a little later?” his friend finished.

Harry nodded. “Yeah… in the library?” Ron nodded. “Okay, see you later!”

When Ron left, he realized that he felt almost naked without the sensation of magical energy pulsing around him. He was surprised that he was adjusting so quickly to the new feeling, but was now somewhat hopeful that he might actually be ready for Hogwarts when the time came.

“What was that all about?” Gordon asked as he stepped back into the room, the smile on his face indicating that he had at least some idea.

“He’s not scared of me,” Harry responded with a smile slightly giddy with relief. “I wasn’t sure if he’d ever… I mean, you know…”

Gordon sat down in his usual chair and nodded. “That’s excellent, Harry!” He leaned back and relaxed. “How are you doing?”

“I feel better,” Harry confirmed with a nod. With a wry smile he continued, “Not so freakish.” He saw Gordon about to comment and quickly cut in, “And like I might actually be able to handle this.”

Gordon’s smile broadened to encompass his face as Harry said this. “I’m so glad, Harry. I know you’ll be able to do it.” He sat up. “Well, I think we’ve covered quite enough for one day, don’t you?”

Harry nodded. “See you tomorrow!” he replied as the older man stood up and made his way to the door.

“Yes, see you tomorrow, Harry,” he responded.

The library was quiet except for the turning of pages when he got there, everyone in their usual seats paying careful attention to their books. From the doorway he was close enough to Ron to draw some ambient energy to himself, and he imagined it to be his invisibility cloak once again. Eyes sparkling with mischief, he walked further into the room. Once he got closer to the other two, he brought their energy to him, but found it was too much to just have around himself. He nearly laughed out loud at his next idea.

Slowly, carefully, he pushed the energy out and made it surround Ron just as it was surrounding him. He wanted to be careful that it did not sense any other fleeting desires (such as for protection) and then do something that would hurt Ron. However, the process worked with the extra effort on Harry’s part, and he saw Ron disappear. He made Ron’s shield see-through once again so that he could see his best friend to move closer, but once he was right behind him, he made him invisible and then tapped him on his shoulder, his hand moving harmlessly through the energy surrounding both him and the redhead.

Harry wished he could see Ron’s expression, but his yelp was fairly expressive nonetheless. He was also in the perfect position to see Hermione and Ginny’s faces when they looked up and could not see Ron.

“Ron!” Hermione gasped. “Where are you?”

Harry put his hand over his mouth to cover any snickers that might attempt to leave his mouth. Then he started making Ron flash in and out of sight—he would come into sight for just a moment, but then disappear again.

Ginny stood up in shock at the strange sight. “What on earth?!” she wondered aloud.

Ron, meanwhile, clearly could not tell what was going on. “Someone—or something—touched me!”

Hermione seemed relieved by the fact that Ron’s voice did not go when he disappeared. “Ron, you keep disappearing and reappearing,” she informed him.

Ron looked down at his hands. “No I’m not, I’m completely solid!” he protested.

“I’m getting Mum,” Ginny said as she headed quickly for the door. Finally, Harry couldn’t keep his laughter quiet anymore. He let the fields around both him and Ron go completely clear, and collapsed to the ground in laughter.

“You—should’ve seen—your faces,” he gasped out. The others were beginning to giggle slightly, if nothing else because it was funny to see Harry so amused.

“Harry, you didn’t tell me you could make other people disappear!” Ron exclaimed, figuring out what had been going on.

Starting to get himself under control, Harry sat up. “I didn’t know… hadn’t tried it,” he replied, still chuckling. “It was definitely worth it, though.”

“How did you do that?” Hermione asked in wonder.

Harry shrugged, sobering abruptly at the reminder that this was not normal. “One of my new tricks, apparently.” He smiled slightly. “You should’ve seen Gordon the first time I did that… and Ron, for that matter!”

“You could finally give Fred and George some of their own medicine!” Ginny exclaimed in excitement. “What else can you do?”

“Erm… I’m not exactly sure,” Harry admitted. “I’ve been able to do everything I’ve tried to do so far, unless I didn’t have enough energy to work with… but there must be some limits, even when I have lots to work with.”

“So you can levitate things without a wand?” Of course it was Hermione who wanted concrete answers.

Harry chuckled. “The first time I levitated myself… right out of range! Almost had a nasty collision with the floor except that I fell right back into range and caught myself just in time.” Hermione still had her book in her hand, so with some concentration Harry took some of the energy currently swirling around Ron and directed it back toward Hermione, putting it under the book and telling it first to levitate and then to come to him. “Guess there’s no more reading today, huh?” he laughed as Hermione first watched and then realized that she had lost her book.

“Hey!” Both Ginny and Ron laughed at that.

Harry grabbed his normal chair. “So—what’s a really good prank we can pull on Fred and George? They won’t be expecting anything because they don’t know that we can do magic over the holidays.”

Everyone sat back down and they plotted to rightfully claim the Weasley twins’ title as High Pranksters of Hogwarts from Gred and Forge themselves. And they didn’t even know what was coming…