Unsorted!
Little darlin' it's been a long cold lonely winter
Little darlin' it feels like years since it's been here
Here comes the sun, here comes the sun
And I say it's all right
Takes Place: 8 - Post Hogwarts (young adult Harry)
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Snape flavour: None
Tags: None
Categories: Misc, Misc > All written in Snape's POV
Membership status: Member
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Reviews by Theowyn
Rated: K+
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Warnings: None
Chapters: 1 - Completed: Yes - Updated: 17 Jun 2007 / 17 Jun 2007
Series: None - Challenges: None
Chapters: 1 - Completed: Yes - Updated: 17 Jun 2007 / 17 Jun 2007
Series: None - Challenges: None
| Title: Chapter 1: Here comes the sun | 17 Jun 2007 |
| Reviewer: Theowyn (Signed) |
- This is quite well done. Very spare and subtle. I especially loved the line, "Remus Lupin always looked as though he was about to keel over of some foreign disease."
Author's Response: Haha, thanks! I'm really glad that you enjoyed it. To be honest, I was doubting this one after I wrote it. I'm so glad that you liked it. ;)
![](<a href="http://www.fanfiction.net/u/633246/"><img src="/fanfiction/images/ffn.gif" border=none></a>){kind=link}
A series of events after Arthur Weasley is attacked at the Ministry of Magic leads to Harry spending the Christmas holidays with Snape at Spinner's End.
Takes Place: 6th summer - Snape flavour: None
Tags: None
Categories: Fic Fests > #5 Winter, Parental Snape > Guardian Snape
Takes Place: 6th summer - Snape flavour: None
Tags: None
Categories: Fic Fests > #5 Winter, Parental Snape > Guardian Snape
Rated: K
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Warnings: None
Chapters: 7 - Completed: No - Updated: 11 Jan 2008 / 09 Dec 2007
Series: None - Challenges: None
Chapters: 7 - Completed: No - Updated: 11 Jan 2008 / 09 Dec 2007
Series: None - Challenges: None
| Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1 | 10 Dec 2007 |
| Reviewer: Theowyn (Signed) |
- This has great potential. One point, however. Dumbledore was present when Ron asked Harry not to come with them and Harry agreed. Yet he is depicted as being ignorant of this which doesn't make sense. If DD didn't overhear the boys' conversation (unlikely as they were standing a few feet from him) then you need to make this clear and Harry shouldn't wish for DD to intervene.
Alternately, if DD did hear the conversation, "We don't have time for this, Harry," is out of place. Something along the lines of, "Harry has his reasons," would be more in character. Also, Dumbledore shouldn't have "suspicions" about Harry's reasons, but should simply choose not to tell MM.
Thirteen-year-old Harry is forced into the body of another Harry in a parallel world, where Snape adopted him years ago. And Snape is enraged to discover that his son has been replaced by a stranger. In our world, Snape discovers a new Harry--one who sees him as a father he never wanted to be. Each Harry must learn to survive in a strange new world, and search for a way home.
Takes Place: 4th summer - Snape flavour: None
Tags: Adoption, Alternate Universe
Categories: Snape Equal Status to Harry > Foes Snape and Harry, Parental Snape > Guardian Snape
Takes Place: 4th summer - Snape flavour: None
Tags: Adoption, Alternate Universe
Categories: Snape Equal Status to Harry > Foes Snape and Harry, Parental Snape > Guardian Snape
Rated: T
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Warnings: None
Chapters: 24 - Completed: Yes - Updated: 02 Feb 2011 / 20 Dec 2007
Series: None - Challenges: None
Chapters: 24 - Completed: Yes - Updated: 02 Feb 2011 / 20 Dec 2007
Series: None - Challenges: None
| Title: Chapter 10: Chapter 10: Out on a Limb | 26 Jan 2008 |
| Reviewer: Theowyn (Signed) |
- Why didn't Harry press the knot on the WW to make it freeze so that he could climb up without almost getting throttled? I know that wouldn't have been nearly as exciting, but you should mention (invent) some plausible reason for this, because even if Harry didn't think of it, Hermione certainly would have.
Regardless of this one oversight, however, this is an outstanding story. There are plenty of Snape-as-Harry's-dad stories out there and there are even stories where Harry finds himself in an alternate universe. But by having him switch places with his counterpart who is Snape's son - and by giving us all four POVs - you have created a story which provides a truly unique opportunity to explore Harry and Snape's characters.
First, let me say that I really like the way you've handled Lily. Her impairment serves the plot, of course, but more importantly, it keeps her from coming between Harry and Snape. She's a shadow hanging over them, but she doesn't get in the way which is important because this is all about Harry and Snape.
Both incarnations of these characters are true to canon - no small feat! Our Harry is his usual angry, brash self; defiant, yet smart enough to realize that he needs to deal with Snape in order to see his mum. Our Snape is typically repressed and true to form, believes that he can keep control of the situation by simply refusing to acknowledge this new Harry. These two POVs alone would make this a good story, adding the other two make it great. AU!Snape is fully believable as the man Snape could have become in an alternate reality, as is AU!Harry, and watching them confront their counterparts is the freshest part of this tale.
AU!Harry, at 13, sees a man who looks like his father and accepts him as such without reservation - which is completely realistic for a child of this age. Plucky as always, he isn't intimidated by Snape's rejection and takes cheeky pleasure in outmanouvering the man to get closer to him. It's almost a game for him - right up until he gets slapped in the face with the reality that he won't be going home with his father for the summer. His heartbreaking, "Why would you do this? I don't understand," perfectly captures the fact that this adolessent hasn't grasped that Snape isn't his dad. He hasn't begun to truly feel that loss, yet.
AU!Snape, on the other hand, is acutely aware that our Harry is not his. He is angry and resentful towards the surly usurper who has taken his son's place. He is also wary that our Harry may cause Lily pain and upset the fragile balance of their lives. And yet he still feels a responsibility to this new boy, a father's protectiveness. As with AU!Harry, this is all absolutely realistic. Best of all, it is only the tip of the iceburg.
Right now, everyone is still running on old habits, but as the days turn to weeks they will have to start dealing with the reality of their situations. I imagine this will be devastating to our AU!Characters, particularly if it's feared that the two Harry's may never find their way home. Poor AU!Harry has essentially been orphaned and AU!Snape is probably even worse off - losing a child is worse than losing a parent. Plus, AU!Harry at least knows that his parents are alive and well, whereas AU!Snape has to be lying awake worrying about how his child will fare all alone with no one to care for him. Having our Snape and Harry as constant reminders of their loss will not help either.
Watching these four characters deal with the emotional fallout from all of this should be fascinating. You have proven yourself a capable writer with a firm grasp of the canon characters as well as human nature. I am eagarly awaiting future chapters to see how these relationships progress. Thank you for writing what is surely one of the best fanfics I've read.
Author's Response:
Oops! All fixed now. Thanks for pointing that out. My beta readers crapped out on me, so I depend on reviewers, reference sites, re-reading book passages and my own (faulty) memory to make sure the story has canon accuracy.
I didn't know about all the adoption fics out there when I wrote most of this, so it was a bit embarrassing when I came across this site and realized I hadn't exactly invented the wheel. But maybe not reading many adoption fics beforehand allowed me to tell this story in a unique way. One odd thing about my writing process is that there's a practical part of me that won't allow me to knowingly deviate from canon. If I tried to push my characters in the wrong direction to satisfy a personal fantasy, a voice would pop up: "You realize the canon characters wouldn't do that, right?" And I'd grudgingly admit the voice was right.
My favorite HP book is HBP, and I simply loved the back-and-forth between Harry and Snape. Both completely justified in their perspectives, and both completely at odds with the other. I wanted to have pages and pages of that. But that's only fun if they're true to their characters.
I also love the "What if?" question. What kind of person would we become if something important in our past was changed? And in what ways would we stay the same?
One of the joys of writing HP fic is that I can explore any period of our personal development into adults by choosing to write about Harry at a particular age. I'm so glad you saw that Harry, at 13, can be very adult at times but is still a child in many ways. In fact, all of your comments were very perceptive and you adeptly picked up on where each character is, emotionally.
Thank you so much for the insights, the analysis, the compliments, and the time and energy you put into your review. Yours is the review every writer dreams of. :)
| Title: Chapter 13: Chapter 13: The Other Side of Night | 15 Feb 2008 |
| Reviewer: Theowyn (Signed) |
- Another brilliant chapter! Your characterizations are perfect and this chapter in particular gave them so much depth and nuance. I agree with the reviewer who noted the quiet courage of the alternate-world characters. That's so true.
One thing I especially liked in this chapter was the subtle glimpse of how damaged our Harry really is as a result of growing up at the Dursleys. It isn't just Snape's presence that makes him feel awkward at Spinner's End. It's the fact that he's utterly unused to normal family life. That his guardians should want to spend time with him or come to his room to tell him goodnight thoroughly confounds him because he has never experienced it. That is so sad and yet, so very real, given Harry's history.
I like that you have marked which chapters are AU versus our universe. I wrote out a chart for the numbering scheme so I could keep track, but this is much more convenient.
There is one thing I do want to mention - the only thing that feels off in the story is the way the characters sometimes refer to one another. For instance, in chapter 10 Harry tells Snape, "Lily's our connection. She always will be." Regardless of the situation, I can't believe that 13 yo Harry would refer to his mother as Lily, especially when he's in such an emotional state. Surely he would say, "Mum's our connection."
Likewise, in this chapter Lily makes the following comments to Harry: "Sev's parents were always a bit grim..." and "Talking to Severus was like hearing about a fairy tale..." This isn't the way a mother speaks to her child about his father. "Your dad's parents" or "Talking to your father" would be the norm here.
On top of making the dialogue sound more natural, the intimacy of using "mum" and "dad" in these situations would also accentuate the relationships that both Snape and Harry are desperately trying to ignore and would deepen their ambivalance in these scenes.
This is the only fault I can find in an otherwise spectacular story. This remains my favorite current WIP on any site and it is among my top 10 favorite fanfics of all time. Thank you for taking the time to write this.
Author's Response:
You're welcome! The rough draft was a case of compulsive writing--I was exorcising the story images circling my brain. The re-write has taken more time than I anticipated, but reading that my efforts are appreciated encourages me. I've wanted to make writing a daily habit, and this has helped me with that.
I agree--Harry's not just angry--he's confused, and trying to understand a new kind of home life.
"I like that you have marked which chapters are AU versus our universe. I wrote out a chart for the numbering scheme so I could keep track..."
That tells me more than anything that I should have done this sooner. Sorry, everyone! This is why I appreciate constructive criticism. I was so involved in the story that I didn't realize it was confusing. Or at least, not until I got a few reviews mentioning that. I need the reactions of readers so I can see the story through other eyes.
"the only thing that feels off in the story is the way the characters sometimes refer to one another"
I see what you mean. I did give it a passing thought when I wrote those lines, but decided against it for various reasons. In the Lily/Harry conversation, for example, I was trying to avoid constant "He's not my dad!" interruptions. But you're right-character should come first, and it would elaborate on how two characters can perceive the relationships around them differently. I'll go back soon and fix that.
Thank you for your thoughts & reactions!
| Title: Chapter 18: Chapter 18: Unannounced | 16 May 2008 |
| Reviewer: Theowyn (Signed) |
- What a beautiful conversation between Harry and Ron. :)
Author's Response: Thank you! It was a struggle for me to find the right words.
| Title: Chapter 24: Chapter 24: Unspoken Words | 03 Feb 2011 |
| Reviewer: Theowyn (Signed) |
- A lovely end to an enchanting story. Thank you for writing this. I've enjoyed it tremendously. :)
Author's Response: Thanks so much. Now I can get back to reading more fanfic--I've been depriving myself. :)
Harry's life is turned around and upside down when a late night visitor from the future tells him the unthinkable. Now he must convince Snape to teach him Occlumency, get along with Draco Malfoy and survive through what Voldemort has planned for him.
Takes Place: 5th summer - Snape flavour: None
Tags: Kidnapped, Snape-meets-Dursleys
Categories: Teacher Snape > Trusted Mentor Snape
Takes Place: 5th summer - Snape flavour: None
Tags: Kidnapped, Snape-meets-Dursleys
Categories: Teacher Snape > Trusted Mentor Snape
Rated: T
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Warnings: Abusive Dursleys, Neglect, Torture, Violence
Chapters: 27 - Completed: Yes - Updated: 23 Jan 2009 / 09 Jan 2008
Series: None - Challenges: None
Chapters: 27 - Completed: Yes - Updated: 23 Jan 2009 / 09 Jan 2008
Series: None - Challenges: None
| Title: Chapter 2: Chapter 2: The Apology | 24 Jan 2008 |
| Reviewer: Theowyn (Signed) |
- I'm glad to see you're making progress on this story. It has quite a lot of potential and I'm enjoying it.
You do need to watch your grammar though, and I have to agree with the reviewer who asked about "conscious" vs. "conscience". Conscious means awake whereas conscience is that nagging voice in the back of your mind. You misuse the former in several places. Take this line from chapter 1, for instance:
"Harry sometimes found it disturbing that his conscious sounded like Hermione." You mean conscience here, not conscious.
On a plot note, am I being too cynical if I ask how long it's going to take Harry to lose that book and which wrong hands it may fall into? I know you can't answer that, but I'm bracing myself for the worst. I'm also looking forward to the next chapter.
Happy writing!
Author's Response:
I thought I fixed that bit with the "conscious" & "conscience" thing but I will go back and make sure! :)
I didn't plan on Harry losing the book but maybe I'll put it in and blame the cliff-hanger on you! Lol (Evil Grin) Sorry, that was MEAN! I get excited when I receive reviews! :)
Thanks for the nice, long review! I hope I don't dissapoint you with the rest of the story! :(
Scorpia
| Title: Chapter 9: Chapter 9: The Rules | 13 May 2008 |
| Reviewer: Theowyn (Signed) |
- PLEASE update your story description to indicate that Draco is a main character here. Currently, he isn't even included in your character list!
Your story is quite good, but it is not at all the story your summary promises and this misrepresentation might be one of the underlying reasons why you've garnered some negative reviews. People who find the Harry/Draco schoolboy rivalry tedious won't be happy about having it appear out of nowhere in what was supposed to have been a story about Harry and Snape.
On the other hand, there are undoubtedly Draco fans out there who have bypassed this story, not realizing that their favorite character is a major player. So do everyone a favor and make that description accurate!
Author's Response: Yes I will. I tryed to the other day but then I looked and it did not do it for some reason, I may have to speak with Jan. Thanks for reviewing!
Harry Potter is badly abused by the Dursleys, but he finds a new way to defend himself. Could this be "the Power the Dark Lord knows not"? Who is going to help Harry? Harry-Snape bonding/mentorship. AU Pre-HBP
Takes Place: 6th summer - Snape flavour: None
Tags: Alternate Universe, Physical Impairment
Categories: Parental Snape > Guardian Snape, Teacher Snape > Trusted Mentor Snape
Takes Place: 6th summer - Snape flavour: None
Tags: Alternate Universe, Physical Impairment
Categories: Parental Snape > Guardian Snape, Teacher Snape > Trusted Mentor Snape
Rated: T
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Warnings: Abusive Dursleys, Neglect
Chapters: 7 - Completed: No - Updated: 02 Nov 2008 / 31 Jan 2008
Series: None - Challenges: None
Chapters: 7 - Completed: No - Updated: 02 Nov 2008 / 31 Jan 2008
Series: None - Challenges: None
| Title: Chapter 4: The truth will out - Part 1 | 29 Feb 2008 |
| Reviewer: Theowyn (Signed) |
- Good story so far. As to the whole British vs. American English issue, I can't imagine why this has become a problem for you. Either spelling system is correct and everyone on both sides of the pond should know that. But be certain that you are consistent. Don't stick to British spelling "as much as possible". Stick to it, period. That should eliminate any complaints.
Author's Response:
Thanks for your review!
As for the language issue... well it was not an issue at the beginning... then someone (actually a bit more than someone :P) hinted at that and it totally upset me. As I explained before, I learned British English at school, but as a matter of fact when you are out of school, if you don't live in the UK... then it's probably American English you are going to read or listen to. When I watch TV it usually is American English and customers at work are from the US or things like that, so in the end, if you are not a native speaker, things do get complicated ^_^ and when I started writing this fiction... it just crashed down on me ^_^;;;
Thanks for your support!
A response to both P&S Winter Fic Fest and the Burnt Hedwig Challenge. However, many of the challenge details have been altered. Hedwig is injured, and must seek help for Harry. One-shot. Some Chamber of Secrets details have been changed from canon.
Takes Place: 3rd summer - Snape flavour: None
Tags: Snape-meets-Dursleys
Categories: Healer Snape, Snape Equal Status to Harry > Foes Snape and Harry, Teacher Snape > Professor Snape
Takes Place: 3rd summer - Snape flavour: None
Tags: Snape-meets-Dursleys
Categories: Healer Snape, Snape Equal Status to Harry > Foes Snape and Harry, Teacher Snape > Professor Snape
Rated: K+
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Warnings: Abusive Dursleys, Neglect
Chapters: 1 - Completed: Yes - Updated: 27 Feb 2008 / 27 Feb 2008
Series: None - Challenges: Burnt Hedwig to the Rescue
Chapters: 1 - Completed: Yes - Updated: 27 Feb 2008 / 27 Feb 2008
Series: None - Challenges: Burnt Hedwig to the Rescue
| Title: Chapter 1: Miles to Go Before I Sleep | 27 Feb 2008 |
| Reviewer: Theowyn (Signed) |
- Lovely, this was quite enchanting as told from Hedwig's pov. I like that the story is strictly between Hedwig and Snape with Harry as a silent catalyst who doesn't actually participate. That works very well and of course the last line was perfect.
So, no evil eye for the delay to NSR. I'll just sit here, tapping my fingers and staring hopefully at my computer screen until the next chapter of that story arrives. ;)
Author's Response: Ha. You forgot to add, "No pressure." *significant throat clearing* Tap, tap, tap...
"I like that the story is strictly between Hedwig and Snape with Harry as a silent catalyst"
I was a little worried that there was too little Harry & Snape interaction, but it just worked this way. And really, the story is about Harry, as seen through other eyes.