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Membership status: Member
Reviews by Foolish Wishmaker
Harry tries to reopen Hogwarts after it's been closed the last five years. He thought getting all the Professors back would be the hard part, but he had thought wrong... post war fic, not DH compliant
Takes Place: 8 - Post Hogwarts (young adult Harry) - Snape flavour: None Tags: Alternate Universe Categories: Teacher Snape > Trusted Mentor Snape
Rated: 16+
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Warnings: None
Chapters: 5 - Completed: No - Updated: 31 May 2017 / 09 Aug 2007 Series: None - Challenges: None
There are still quite a few grammar and spelling mistakes in this chapter. Maybe go over it one more time, reading aloud? That always helps me to catch most of my mistakes and typos. Here are a few: "Determined, He fully" (no reason to capitalize) "if your so powerful?" (you're) "Actually it's Mrs. Malfoy now, surprised?" (try saying that aloud -- it's very awkward. Make it "Mrs. Malfoy now. Surprised?" instead) "a potion's mistress" (potions) "man was no where to" (nowhere) "he said as he paused" (makes no sense... maybe "and he paused" instead, though it would still be awkward) "didn't know you're hearing" (your) "Look it's been six" (Look, it's) "muggle" (Muggle is always capitalized in the books) "What Potter show's up and I suddenly go mad! " (What, Potter shows up) (should end in ? or ?! not !) As a first year, Harry is sorted into Slytherin instead of Gryffindor, and no one is more surprised than his new Head of House.
Takes Place: 1st Year - Snape flavour: None Tags: Alternate Universe, Slytherin!Harry, Snape-meets-Dursleys Categories: Teacher Snape > Trusted Mentor Snape
Rated: K+
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Warnings: Abusive Dursleys, Alcohol Use, Neglect, Profanity, Violence
Chapters: 51 - Completed: Yes - Updated: 18 Mar 2009 / 21 Aug 2007 Series: None - Challenges: None
I think it's really realistic/believable so far. I wonder what will happen between Harry and Ron now that they're not in the same house. I really like AU fics like this, where everything starts off familiar/unchanged except for one detail... which then, of course, changes everything. Poor little Harry, just wanting to belong and not very picky. I think that's realistic. I wonder what he'll feel toward the people who had put Slytherin down when speaking to him. So sad if Hagrid doesn't warm up to him -- there won't be a family photo album in Harry's future. Unless someone else puts it together for him. The only minor mistake I saw was in the first paragraph (extra/unnecessary comma): "There's talent, -- my goodness"
I like what you're doing with the lesser-known Slytherin students.
I can't wait for Snape's POV... those are always so much fun to read after Harry's version of events!
Excellent chapter. I love the changing POV in this story. A lot of stories have that, but often in a confusing way that makes the story hard to follow. It's always nice to see something done correctly. :-)
I loved Harry helping Millicent. Harry on the Slytherin Quidditch team? Yey! I like the idea of Snape getting him a broom. I wonder who Gryffindor will have as Seeker. Or if Draco will make the team, ever. Harry sat cross-legged on the floor, staring at paint chips. Did there have to be so many colours? And not only colours, but shades and tints of colours! Oneshot after TDH.
Takes Place: 8 - Post Hogwarts (young adult Harry), 8 - Pre Epilogue (adult Harry) - Snape flavour: None Tags: None Categories: Misc > Strictly Canon Universe
Rated: K+
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Warnings: Character Death
Chapters: 1 - Completed: Yes - Updated: 21 Aug 2007 / 21 Aug 2007 Series: None - Challenges: None
The only correction I suggest is writing out numbers ('two' instead of '2'). All single-digit numbers should be written out, while bigger numbers can be done either way. It helps your story to look more professional/mature overall. If this was your first story, I'll look forward to anything else you'll write in the future. Author's Response: I'm sorry I haven't replied to your review before now; I meant to but it slipped my mind as real life got a little crazy for awhile. Thank you for the tip on numbers, I've written a few fanfictions for other fandoms before but I'm still fairly new at this; especially for the Harry Potter fandom. Actually, this is my first Harry Potter fanfic. I'm always looking for little tips and tricks to make my writing flow better, feel more professional, or all-around improve it; and yours was a good one. Thank you for that, and the review as well. Reviews always bring a smile to my face no matter what type of day I've been having. Severus is trying to get help for his sick son.
Takes Place: 0 - Pre Hogwarts (before Harry is 11) - Snape flavour: None Tags: Alternate Universe, Child fic Categories: Parental Snape > Biological Father Snape
Rated: K
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Warnings: Character Death
Chapters: 1 - Completed: Yes - Updated: 22 Aug 2007 / 22 Aug 2007 Series: None - Challenges: None
Author's Response: Thanks :-) Under Revision....In a different time and place, the Harry Potter we know is not the real Harry Potter. As the raising Blue Moon approaches, the truth about the Potter family will come to moonlight, if the one once known as Harry Potter can survive both the Potters and Voldemort... On haitus
Takes Place: 5th summer - Snape flavour: None Tags: Alternate Universe, Child fic, Creature!fic Categories: Parental Snape > Guardian Snape, Parental Snape > Biological Father Snape
Rated: T
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Warnings: Abusive Dursleys, Neglect, Profanity
Chapters: 3 - Completed: No - Updated: 26 Oct 2007 / 24 Aug 2007 Series: None - Challenges: None
If possible, get a beta reader to go over it and correct some of the grammar issues. Or just try reading aloud to yourself, since that often helps to catch mistakes. |
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