Unsorted!
Everyone seems to have forgotten that the Boy-Who-Lived exists. Harry's friends don't remember who he is. It's a struggle for Harry to hold on to reality as he knows it, while at the same time coming to terms with who he really is. He finds Snape an unexpected ally in the struggle that ensues to reclaim his identity. 6th year AU. (Harry is gay)
Takes Place: 6th Year
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Snape flavour: None
Tags: Alternate Universe
Categories: Teacher Snape > Trusted Mentor Snape, Parental Snape > Guardian Snape, Teacher Snape > Professor Snape
Membership status: Member
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Reviews by alwaysmaddi
Rated: 16+
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Warnings: Alcohol Use, Neglect, Profanity, Romance/Slash
Chapters: 17 - Completed: No - Updated: 25 Nov 2011 / 19 Oct 2010
Series: None - Challenges: None
Chapters: 17 - Completed: No - Updated: 25 Nov 2011 / 19 Oct 2010
Series: None - Challenges: None
| Title: Chapter 16: Chapter 16 | 29 Jun 2011 |
| Reviewer: alwaysmaddi (Signed) |
- This is really really really good.
More?
Please?
Harry seemed to fall into trouble: Found unconscious outside of the forbidden forest the night of murders, with memory loss, under the control of a wizard potion, with only Snape there to protect him-- The wizard world was a buzz, was Harry Potter the savior or the destroyer?
Takes Place: 5th summer - Snape flavour: None
Tags: None
Categories: Teacher Snape > Trusted Mentor Snape
Takes Place: 5th summer - Snape flavour: None
Tags: None
Categories: Teacher Snape > Trusted Mentor Snape
Rated: T
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Warnings: Drug use, Self-harm, Suicide Themes, Violence
Chapters: 2 - Completed: No - Updated: 29 May 2011 / 22 Dec 2010
Series: None - Challenges: None
Chapters: 2 - Completed: No - Updated: 29 May 2011 / 22 Dec 2010
Series: None - Challenges: None
| Title: Chapter 2: Gossip is Almost as Dangerous as Fire | 09 Jun 2011 |
| Reviewer: alwaysmaddi (Signed) |
- I haven't read the original, so I can't really comment on any improvements, but I am absolutely enjoying this. You are very descriptive in your writing, without getting too hung up on details. It helps me feel like I can really connect with the characters.
Keep up the good wok, and I look forward to reading the next installment. =]
A strange vision of a starving hurt boy in a cupboard appears to Unspeakable Snape repeatedly, but he doesn’t know who it is until he intercepts a returned letter addressed to one Harry Potter, Cupboard Under the Stairs. Alarmed and suspicious, he goes to Privet Drive, and rescues Harry. Harry now has a home with Severus and Tobias, but will he stay there? Can Snape win Harry’s trust and be the guardian he needs? Entrant in the 2011 Fic Exchange. Written for snapeswidow.
Takes Place: 1st summer before Hogwarts - Snape flavour: None
Tags: Kidnapped
Categories: Fic Fests > #13 Fic Exchange 2011, Parental Snape > Guardian Snape, Healer Snape, Teacher Snape > Trusted Mentor Snape
Takes Place: 1st summer before Hogwarts - Snape flavour: None
Tags: Kidnapped
Categories: Fic Fests > #13 Fic Exchange 2011, Parental Snape > Guardian Snape, Healer Snape, Teacher Snape > Trusted Mentor Snape
Rated: T
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Warnings: Abusive Dursleys, Character Death, Neglect, Profanity
Chapters: 9 - Completed: Yes - Updated: 15 Feb 2011 / 15 Feb 2011
Series: Unspeakable series - Challenges: None
Chapters: 9 - Completed: Yes - Updated: 15 Feb 2011 / 15 Feb 2011
Series: Unspeakable series - Challenges: None
| Title: Chapter 9: Chapter 9: Snape's Trial | 12 Jun 2011 |
| Reviewer: alwaysmaddi (Signed) |
- Well done =]
This was a thouroughly enjoyable read.=]
Harry Potter is not a happy child. He carries a danger inside him that manifests itself soon after he arrives at Hogwarts, and it falls to his new Head of House, Severus Snape, to protect Harry, even from himself…
Takes Place: 1st Year - Snape flavour: None
Tags: Slytherin!Harry
Categories: Parental Snape > Guardian Snape, Teacher Snape > Professor Snape
Takes Place: 1st Year - Snape flavour: None
Tags: Slytherin!Harry
Categories: Parental Snape > Guardian Snape, Teacher Snape > Professor Snape
Rated: T
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Warnings: Abusive Dursleys, Neglect, Profanity, Violence
Chapters: 21 - Completed: Yes - Updated: 19 Jul 2011 / 28 May 2011
Series: None - Challenges: None
Chapters: 21 - Completed: Yes - Updated: 19 Jul 2011 / 28 May 2011
Series: None - Challenges: None
| Title: Chapter 6: Scars | 09 Jun 2011 |
| Reviewer: alwaysmaddi (Signed) |
- This is a really enjoyable read, it is easy to follow, without being too predictable. It is intriguing and makes me want to keep reading. =]
In a few places I think you should work on your phrasing, as the story seems to lose its flow. Maybe reread it another time, and don't be afraid to make changes?
Keep it up =]
Author's Response: Thank you! And thanks for the heads-up on the phrasing, I'll try to improve that. It would be great if you could let me know what lines/passages you were referring to exactly; I don't have a beta for this story, so any advice is much appreciated. Thanks again!
| Title: Chapter 7: Visits | 12 Jun 2011 |
| Reviewer: alwaysmaddi (Signed) |
- Hi =]
Me again.
I liked the awkward, tenseness of the conversation between Snape and Dumbledore at te beginning of this chapter, it helped to add character to them, as well as too the subject they were discussing.
In regards to some of the wording not flowing, an example is
"“What’s this?” Potter wanted to know, pointing at a glass filled with thick, purple liquid."
I think perhaps you are stating everything too clearly, rather than allowing the idea to form in the readers head, you are forcing it in there. In this example, perhaps you could say something like "Potter eyed off the thick purple liquid, "What's this?""
That way it introduces the potion and show's Harry's suspicion of unknown substances with less word-iness.
Also, in some places you could mix the order of sentences, etc, to get he point across more fluently. Take for example
"The medi-witch smiled. “No, but you need to put some meat on your bones. And there’s a rule in this infirmary that patients who drink their potions without complaining get to choose their own pudding.”
“Treacle tart?” Potter asked.
“Potion first,” Pomfrey replied. The witch certainly knew how to deal with her Slytherin patients."
Perhaps mention that Pomfrey had a rather Slytherin way of dealing with her patients after she talks in the first part of the quote, and leave it off the end?
I'm sorry if I come across as rude or something, because I don't mean to be.
I do enjoy this story. =]
I look forward to the next chapter.
Author's Response:
Don't worry about coming across as rude, you don't - and I really appreciate the constructive criticism!
As for your examples: I see what you mean about allowing the reader to form his/her own ideas by not giving too much information. I'm not sure I agree about the particular example you gave; it might be sort of confusing if I just mentioned "the thick purple liquid" out of the blue - Poppy has just come over with the dinner trays, so it might not be quite clear where the thick purple liquid is, or why Harry has noticed it. That aside, I do agree that I explain too much sometimes, and I'll try to work on that.
As for the second example, I definitely see what you mean - the exchange between the two would come across as a lot more "snappy" if there wasn't another (explaining :)!) sentence tagged to it.
Thank you very much for taking the time to explain what you meant - I'll admit that I was quite worried after your last review, but now it's a lot clearer to me, and I know what to look out for when I edit my chapters. I'm glad you're enjoying the story!
| Title: Chapter 7: Visits | 12 Jun 2011 |
| Reviewer: alwaysmaddi (Signed) |
- I'm sorry I worried you. =[
And I dunno. I'm sorry =[
Author's Response: Please don't worry about it, I really appreciate concrit :)! Like I said, it's very helpful.
| Title: Chapter 8: Enemy | 14 Jun 2011 |
| Reviewer: alwaysmaddi (Signed) |
- Yay! New chapter =]
I'm looking forward to the next one =]
Author's Response: Thank you! The new chapter will be up soon!
| Title: Chapter 9: Echoes | 16 Jun 2011 |
| Reviewer: alwaysmaddi (Signed) |
- Hey =]
This might be my last review, cause I think I might be going soon.
I just wanted to let you know that I have greatly enjoyed your story, and I hope that you will continue writing and improving your skills.
Maddi
Author's Response: Thank you very much; it means a lot. Stay safe.
Can Harry be saved in time from the darkness that he has sunk into to?
Takes Place: 6th summer - Snape flavour: None
Tags: None
Categories: Healer Snape
Takes Place: 6th summer - Snape flavour: None
Tags: None
Categories: Healer Snape
Rated: 16+
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Warnings: Abusive Dursleys, Neglect, Self-harm
Chapters: 1 - Completed: Yes - Updated: 06 Jun 2011 / 06 Jun 2011
Series: None - Challenges: None
Chapters: 1 - Completed: Yes - Updated: 06 Jun 2011 / 06 Jun 2011
Series: None - Challenges: None
| Title: Chapter 1: The Lonely | 13 Jun 2011 |
| Reviewer: alwaysmaddi (Signed) |
- Well done =]
I love the emotion in this story.
Author's Response: Thanks a million for the review. I'm glad you liked it :)