So here the promised review :)
First: I really like this idea, I always wondered while reading the books how Snape could willingly let dumbledore play with Harry's life so if he truly only ever wanted to protect him, so him taking matters into his own hands seems very promising.
Second: Harry having this need to stay in the commonroom without any reason does incline that there is some connection both are unaware of and maybe even will stay so, but him being open and willing to listen to Severus, who truly has never sugarcoated anything for him, is totally in character.
I'm going to skim over the next one and then review that as well and then I won't be able to wait for the third :)
The only thing i was missing is Snape's normal illthinking of the boy, at least in regard to his father, there was no sneer, not anything that reminded me in some extent to the vile professor he always tried so hard to portray, but still great chapter!
It seems like a very good idea but if you don't mind a little constructive criticism: you might want to get a Beta to help you with your grammar. Your sentences are a bit choppy, actually at times they are very choppy. I think you have a lot of periods in places that should have comas and you start a lot of sentences with words like “but” and “however” and it makes it really hard to read and it’s a tad distracting. A good stagey I do when editing my stories is reading it aloud-if you feel like you are pausing to much or are getting out of breath when reading chances are you need to ether combine some sentences or add some comas.
I like it! I can't wait to read more! Good job!
Nice start, please update soon. I always wondered why sev didn't just grab baby Harry and make a run for it:)
Will they be on the road for a long time? Years?
Are they gonna move from place to place, change their names and all that?
Love it.
| Title: A Required Change of Scenery
| 30 Jul 2011 6:41 pm
|
| Reviewer: Diablos (Anonymous)
| [Report This]
|
Brilliant start, almost had tears myself! Keep writing please!
| Title: A Required Change of Scenery
| 30 Jul 2011 6:07 pm
|
| Reviewer: pcg1953 (Anonymous)
| [Report This]
|
It grabbed my intrest. More offent than not if the first chapter does not hold my intrest I don't read the story.
I love it.
But tell me please when it's happening? PreHBP ? September?
Author's Response: It's about Fall so, I'd say the begining of October. Clases have started, but Winter hasn't arrived yet.
| Title: A Required Change of Scenery
| 30 Jul 2011 8:30 am
|
| Reviewer: Emma (Anonymous)
| [Report This]
|
More please! I love this. It's like nothing I've seen before. I hope you continue this with haste.
| Title: A Required Change of Scenery
| 30 Jul 2011 8:08 am
|
| Reviewer: Rhyselle (Signed)
| [Report This]
|
More please! :)
Very nice beginning. I look forward to the next and succeeding chapters.
Well done!
| Title: A Required Change of Scenery
| 30 Jul 2011 6:33 am
|
| Reviewer: Pandora (Signed)
| [Report This]
|
Oh, nice start Evelyn.
I'm interested to see what you do with this story, and how Severus can keep Harry from dying to rid himself of the Horcrux.
|