Harry, Sev, and Ginny said their goodbyes to their new friends and neighbors before leaving the park. Taking his girlfriend’s hand, Harry led her down the street from the church and towards a small graveyard.

“Do you mind?” He asked her pensively.

“No, love.” Ginny shook her head, gripping his hand supportively.

“Do you, cub?” Harry asked the child in his arms. In response, Sev merely whined and reached towards the graveyard, opening and closing his hands in plea.

“Go on!” Ginny encouraged him.

Using just a touch of magic to open the gate, Harry slowly walked onto the hallowed ground and led them to his parents’ gravesite. The white headstone gleamed in the afternoon sunshine. Harry remembered coming here that first time, in the dead of night, looking for it; remembered how it seemed to glow in the moonlight as well. The names James Potter and Lily Potter were engraved just above the dates of their birth and death; and below that, ‘The last enemy that shall be destroyed is death.’

As soon as he reached it, Harry released Ginny’s hand and crouched down, setting Severus on the ground before him. Almost immediately, the baby crawled to Lily’s side of the headstone. Leaning against it with one hand, he used the fingers of his other to trace the letters of her first name, ignoring the Potter completely.

L-I-L-Y

Harry sat back on his heels and looked at the headstone as a whole. James Potter, Lily Potter—his parents. He hadn’t told anyone this yet, but he had the chance to have a nice chat with his parents just a month ago, during his brief stay in the no-man’s-land between life and death. They were the ones who told him what he had to do; they were the ones who gave him the choice between joining them or leaving them once more; and they were the ones who helped him finally come to terms with their deaths once and for all.

“We’ll see each other again one day, my love.” Lily told her son, caressing his face lovingly. “And when we do, it’ll be forever.”

“But that day is not today, Harry.” James broke in, putting his arm around his son and ruffling his hair. “You’ve got your whole life ahead of you! That, mind you, is what won’t last forever.”

“You’ve got a limited amount of time in the world of the living, Harry.” Lily added, “Don’t waste it! Enjoy the people you have in your life. Set aside this hatred in your heart and show the world your capacity to love!”

“You got that from your mother, by the way.”

“Harry, sweetheart,” Lily crouched in front of her son and gripped his hands tightly, “Don’t think of this as a goodbye. It’s not a goodbye! It’s a ‘see you later’ more than it’s a ‘goodbye’.”

“Remember what your godfather said, cub.” James put in, “Those who love us never really leave us. They’re right here.” He laid his hand over his son’s heart. “Always.”

“We’re watching you, my love. We’re right next to you every moment of every day of your life.” His mother told him. “When you close your eyes, you’ll be able to see us. If you listen hard enough, you’ll be able to hear us as well.”

“You see?! The only thing we’ll be missing is a body! And what’s a body anyway?” James waved it off as if it was nothing.

“We love you, Harry...”

“Very much, son…”                                                                                                                                                          

Harry’s eyes flickered open and he found himself kneeling on the ground, his forehead resting against the headstone. His cheeks felt damp, his eyes stung slightly, and he could swear something just dripped off his chin.

Severus traced Lily’s name lovingly, reliving every memory of her, recalling all their joyous childhood moments. Lily. Lovely Lily. His precious flower. How Severus wished he could take back all those bad moments. How he wished he could just start their friendship over from the beginning. Lily was so sweet, so innocent, so pure, and so mature as well. She was wise beyond her years. Severus didn’t deserve her!

Well…apparently life agreed with him on that point. He didn’t deserve her and he didn’t get her. It was Potter who got her! Severus could feel anger boiling in the pit of his stomach. Potter. Potter! James Potter! Big Quidditch hero, super-arrogant, bullying git James Potter! He ended up with the girl! What the hell did Potter have that he didn’t?! What the hell did Potter do to deserve her that Severus didn’t do?!

“Grew up.”

The thought popped into his mind as if it just apparated in out of nowhere. Yet it latched itself onto his consciousness and refused to let go. Potter grew up. So what?! Severus grew up as well. That didn’t seem to catch Lily’s attention as much as when Potter grew up. It must’ve been something else that attracted Lily to Potter.

“You’re missing the point, Sev! You didn’t grow up, you stayed the same! The muggle-born hating, the pure-blood superiority rubbish, the cold-hearted, violent friends you refused to relinquish; that all continued! From childhood to adulthood, that continued. I thought suspending our friendship would bring you to your senses, but when I found out you took the Mark, I knew your quests for power and prestige meant more to you than our friendship. You didn’t grow up, Sev!”

A voice that sounded suspiciously like Lily screamed into his head.

“As much as I loved you as a friend, Severus, I couldn’t love you as anything more than that; regardless of how much I wanted to. I fall in love with personality, Sev, not appearances. James grew out of his pranking ways and showed me his better side. He showed me the man he could become and became him. You showed me the man you could have become, but chose not to. Therein lies the difference, Severus! James chose to be the better man, you didn’t.”

The cold, hard truth felt like a knife to the heart for Severus.

James chose to be the better man, Severus didn’t.

James chose to bury the hatchet, Severus didn’t.

James chose the path of most resistance; Severus chose the path of least.

James made the right choices, Severus didn’t.

James loved Lily. Severus…didn’t? The saying ‘If you love me, let me go.’ flashed in his mind for a moment. If Severus really did love Lily, he would’ve found it in himself to let her go. Yet Sev had flat-out refused to let her go. He had held on to her. He had held on to her throughout her courting by James Potter, throughout her marriage, throughout her son’s birth, and throughout her death. He had held on to her like a lifeline, even when she wasn’t there anymore. In fact, Severus was still holding on to her even now. He was still keeping the lamp burning for Lily Evans.

Yet what did all that mean? Did that mean that Severus’ love for Lily wasn’t love at all? Did that mean that Sev was, in fact, obsessed with Lily rather than in love with her? Did that mean that Severus’ love was selfish, rather than pure, like James Potter’s? That his love was more a desire for possession of her than it was actual love?

Severus’ stomach churned. Oh god! Oh god! Oh god!

Images of Lily from childhood to adulthood flashed in his mind. Lily, Lily, Lily…Sev felt a physical pain in his chest. He realized as the years passed by, Lily’s face grew sadder and sadder whenever she looked at him. By fifth year, her eyes didn’t shine with the same light that they shone with when they were children. Her words to him became more and more desperate with time. She had been begging him, pleading with him to change. But he didn’t. Then one day she stopped looking. And the light she used to keep burning for him began burning for James Potter.

And that had driven Severus over the edge. That had been what had pushed him to take the Mark. He had wanted Lily back!

Oh god! Oh god! Oh god! I didn’t love her! He realized. I wasn’t in love with her; I was obsessed with her. I wasn’t trying to court her; I was trying to claim her. Severus felt like throwing up. I wanted her as my possession rather than my wife. A lump formed in his throat and fresh tears sprung to his eyes. Oh god! LILY! I was a fool! I was a damn fool!

He traced her whole name this time. All of it.

L-I-L-Y P-O-T-T-E-R

James Potter had deserved her; a lot more than Severus ever did. James Potter had given Lily Evans exactly what she deserved—pure, unselfish love. Something Severus couldn’t give to her.

If you love me, let me go…

I was a fool, Lily…A damn fool…!

Voices from all around him began echoing in his ear as Sev leaned against the gleaming headstone.

“Dear child…Sweet child…”

“You’re free now, Sev…”

“She will come back to you…sooner than you think…”

“Chase me, Sev! Run with me!”

“May you soon see this opportunity as a blessing…”

Sev’s eyes fluttered open. See this opportunity as a blessing…

“L-I-L-Y P-O-T-T-E-R.” Sev heard a slightly nasal voice spell out. Turning, the infant found a red-nosed, puffy-eyed Harry sitting on the ground next to him. His back rested against the headstone and he was giving Severus a bit of a half-smile. “Pleasant memories?” The infant sat back on his heels and leaned on his arms, frowning at the teenager. “Yeah, mine weren’t all that happy either.” With a sigh, the baby turned away, mindlessly continuing to study the gravestone next to them.

Harry and Severus continued to sit in silence for several more minutes, neither moving nor thinking. They both just stared out into space, reveling in the stillness that surrounded them and in the blankness of their thoughts.

Then, wordlessly, Harry opened his arms and Severus crawled into them, snuggling into his shirt. “Let’s go home, shall we?” He felt a little head nod into his chest.

Harry stood up and made his way over to Ginny, who had gone to visit the Dumbledores’ graves in order to give them both some privacy. The teenager took his girlfriend’s hand and then leaned in to give her a long, sensuous kiss. A whispered, “Thank you,” was the only explanation he offered.

Ginny merely smiled and let her boyfriend lead her out of the graveyard. A comfortable silence filled the car on the way back to Haven Place. Halfway through, though, Ginny decided to break it by suggesting they take a tour of the woods around the house. Desperate for a break from the morbid atmosphere, Harry and Severus both accepted immediately.

Harry stopped the car and everyone climbed out. Sev’s car seat was quickly re-transfigured back into a walker, and the car promptly shrunk again. Ginny donned the baby sling this time, and the trio fearlessly ventured off the beaten path and into the small grove of trees.

The sunlight filtered through the treetops, bathing the area with the perfect balance of light and shadow. Severus was strongly reminded of their trip into the Forbidden Forest just a few days ago. The infant wondered idly if a secret lake lay hidden in here as well. Perhaps he could talk to the Lady of the Lake again.

“Isn’t it gorgeous, love?”

Harry led them towards the small stream that ran through the grove, and the trio spent half an hour wetting their feet in the cool, shallow water.

“Look at the tadpoles, Sev! Look at the tadpoles! They’re swimming through your toes! Whoops!” Harry lifted the baby out of the water, pulling his feet out along with him. Severus squealed in delight, kicking his feet wildly and splashing water droplets everywhere. “Watch out! Here he comes again!” He set the child down and immersed his feet in the water. Just as the tadpoles came close enough to the baby’s toes, Harry pulled him back up again. “Whoops!” The infant giggled some more. The pattern continued for fifteen minutes, with Ginny seizing the opportunity to take yet another roll of pictures. Halfway through, the two teens switched places and Ginny splashed around while Harry got to play the photographer.

After playtime at the creek, Harry decided to do a bit of exploring and led them towards a rock outcropping he spied downstream. He remembered seeing the same outcropping from the backyard of his house and wondered idly if that was the location of Remus’ aforementioned cave. Sure enough, as soon as they circled the structure completely, they were able to spy an opening on one side of the rock. “Hey look! That’s the cave Remus mentioned.” Harry stepped in first to assess the safety of the structure and found it to be more than satisfactory. “Come on in!” He signaled to Ginny and Sev.

Moony wasn’t kidding when he said it’d be exactly as they left it. The cave itself was rather small and its shape was reminiscent of a doughnut. Harry thought it quite resembled his dorm in Gryffindor tower. The dimensions seemed about right. A cut-up tree trunk stood in place of a heater, half-eaten chocolate bars lay on it instead of wet socks, and sleeping bags were strewn around the room instead of beds. Rather than windows, there stood support beams. Rather than clothes and shoes, empty cartons of Bertie Bott’s Every Flavor Beans and boxes of half-eaten Chocolate Frogs littered the room. Rather than Dean’s football posters, Sirius’ pictures of motorcycles and bikini-clad muggle girls decorated the walls. Yet very much like Harry’s dorm, the cave was decked out from top to bottom in Gryffindor colors.

“Merlin’s beard! Look at this place!” Ginny gasped. Severus peered around and shifted uncomfortably in his sling.

“I reckon Remus would like a few minutes in here before we do anything to the place.” Harry remarked.

“Yeah.” Ginny nodded in agreement. “It’s absolutely beautiful, though. Do we have to do anything to it?”

“Well I’d think it’d make a wonderful hideaway, wouldn’t you say?” Ginny shrugged. “How about you, Sev? What do you think?” The infant shrugged as well.

“Come on, give me something, cub.”

Sev buried his face in Ginny’s chest. “Gif-dow cowo…”

“Gryffindor colors?” He and Ginny exchanged a puzzled look. “Is that making you uncomfortable?”

No response.

Harry sighed. “Alright. Let’s head home then, shall we? At least we all know where the cave is now.” He took Ginny’s hand and led her out of the cave and towards the house. “I’ll let Remus know it’s still here. I’m sure he’d love to see it again.”

“Will you be working on the open porch today? The big one?” Ginny asked, examining the back of the house as they approached it from the woods.

“Yeah.” Harry nodded. “But I think I’ll work it out in the kitchen first…while someone takes his time-out.”

That got Sev’s attention pretty quickly. He pushed up from Ginny’s chest and whined, scowling at Harry.

“Don’t give me any of that. I told you all of this a while ago, when you first got in trouble.” Harry replied sternly.

“What’s he in time-out for?” Ginny asked, curious.

“Calling Warrick a kiss-arse in the church parking lot. You remember. The first wizard family we met? The creepy guy?”

“You called him a kiss-arse?”

 “Mo.”

“Severus!” Harry rebuked.

“Mo mime ow!” The child whined again.

“I don’t appreciate the grating tone.” Harry replied coldly.

“Immy?” Sev went for pitiful this time, turning sad eyes upon Ginny.

“Oh no!” Ginny shook her head and looked the other way. “I am not getting in the middle of this.”

“Mo mime ow, Haweh!”

“Five minutes time-out, Severus.” Harry lifted the child out of his sling and entered through the new back porch.

“Mo mime ow! Mo mime ow! MO MIME OW!!!” Severus began squirming and kicking in Harry’s arms as the teen removed his shoes by the door.

Harry’s grip tightened on the infant. “Severus, stop that immediately!” His lips tightened as he marched down the hallway, stopping by the living room to pick up a couch cushion, and into the dining room.

“MO MIME OW! MO MIME OW! MO MIME OW!!!”

Harry laid the couch cushion in one corner of the dining room and sat the child on it, facing the wall. Severus fought him tooth and nail.

“MO MIME OW!” He kicked at Harry’s arms.

“Severus…”

“MO MIME OW!” Sev kicked so hard, he slipped onto his back. His little fists beating a steady rhythm against Harry’s hands.

“You are in here because—”

“MO MIME OW!” A strong kick to Harry’s cheek and then his jaw stopped the teen mid-sentence and made him loosen his hold on the infant as he grabbed his face.

“OW! Son of a…” Harry felt around his jaw to make sure it wasn’t broken and Sev took advantage of his preoccupation and crawled under the dining room table.

Harry could feel anger boiling in the pit of his stomach. Not good, not good, not good! A voice screamed in his head. Need a breather, need a breather, need a breather! Harry felt his hands begin to tremble and his fingers started curling in on themselves of their own accord. No, no, no, no, NO! Get out, Potter! GET OUT NOW!!!

Shutting his eyes, Harry pushed himself back to the wall and leaned against it. Flashes of Uncle Vernon invaded his consciousness. Breathe, breathe, breathe, breathe, breathe. Say what you have to say and then get out. I am NOT turning into Uncle Vernon! I am NOT turning into Uncle Vernon! I am NOT turning into Uncle Vernon! In…out…in…out…in…out…Come on, Potter! In…out…FOCUS! Control yourself, Potter! Control! I am NOT turning into Uncle Vernon! In…out…In…out…

When Harry felt like he was sufficiently able to control his temper for at least a few minutes, he opened his eyes and fixed the infant under the table with his sternest glare.

Once Severus had barricaded himself behind the dining room chairs, he had turned back towards Harry, fully expecting the teen to come crawling in behind him. What he found instead was Harry sitting up against the wall, doing deep breathing exercises. Within moments, Sev’s confusion gave way to curiosity and he continued to sit quietly, studying the teen from under the table. When Harry turned the mother of all glares upon him, though, Severus felt like shrinking back into the carpet. Adrenaline started pumping through his veins and his stomach began doing flip-flops. He had never seen Harry look that mad before; not even when he was his teacher!

“Haweh?” He squeaked, his voice sounding tiny to his ears.

“Congratulations. You just earned yourself a two-swat spanking.” Harry replied, his voice cold and devoid of all emotion. The teen then stood up and Sev couldn’t help but flinch back. However, Harry wasn’t heading towards him; he was heading towards the door!

“Haweh?!” Severus crawled forward in alarm, wondering where his caretaker was going. “Haweh!”

Yet Harry didn’t reply. In fact, he didn’t even look back! He just marched straight through the dining room door and left Sev in the room by himself.

“HAWEH!” Severus crawled forward as fast as he could, trying to chase after his guardian. But when the infant heard the unmistakable sound of the front door slamming shut, he gave up entirely and sat back on the floor, leaning against his arms. “Haweh!” He moaned pitifully. Sev felt the distinctive sting of tears in his eyes and he let them fall. Where was Harry going? What had he done? Why had Harry left him alone? Why wasn’t he here?

Why couldn’t I just sit in stupid corner for five minutes?! Why couldn’t I just do that?! The infant berated himself. What’s five minutes in a corner compared to feeling like this?! The ache in Sev’s heart felt almost physical. Guilt and regret coursed through his body. He didn’t mind that he had earned himself a spanking. Right now he’d take the worst spanking in history if Harry just came back through the door! Why did he leave me???

“Oh, angel…” Ginny stepped into the dining room and lifted Severus into her arms.

Somehow, her presence just made the tears fall even faster and Sev’s heart ache even more. He screamed his lungs out into her chest, soaking the material with his tears. “HAWEH!!! HAWEH!!!” He pushed up and peered at Ginny though his tears and snot. “Wehw?! Wehw?! Wehw?!” He cried, signing ‘where’ over and over again.

“Once you calm down, baby, I’ll tell you.” Ginny replied softly. Stooping down, she picked up the couch cushion and carried him back into the living room. After dropping the cushion back in place, Ginny plopped herself down on the couch and rocked him soundly, whispering calming noises into his ear.

Finally, after what seemed like forever, Severus felt his eyes run out of tears, and he lay limp in Ginny’s arms; his breath continued to hitch as he calmed down from the crying fit. The ache in Sev’s heart was still there, though, and the flip-flops still continued in his stomach, though not as violently as before. A button on Ginny’s shirt caught his attention and the infant began picking at it with his fingers, barely becoming aware of the soft hand running through his hair or of the angelic humming in his ear.

“Feel better now, baby boy?” Ginny asked softly.

Sev turned towards her, his eyes miserable. “Haweh…” He whined pitifully.

“Hey now, love…” Ginny readjusted his position so that he now sat on one of her legs, “Don’t think for one minute that Harry left because he hates you. Do not think that, Severus!”

Just hearing those words out loud brought a fresh wave of tears to Sev’s eyes.

“Harry stepped out when he did because he was trying to protect you, Sev!” Ginny continued, emphasizing her words with a tiny shake. “He didn’t want to hurt you or do something that he regretted, so he stepped out of the house to calm down!”

Sev felt a tingle of hope spring up in his gut, and he looked up at Ginny questioningly.

“He cares about you, baby.” The teen pushed on, “Harry believes his history of child abuse in the hands of his uncle made him predisposed to be like that as well, so he is doing everything in his power to not turn out that way.” She looked directly into Severus’ eyes. “He doesn’t want to hurt you, Sev. He cares too much about you to do that. He told me he’d turn his wand on himself before he ever hurt you. Do you understand me?” Ginny gently brushed some of Sev’s baby hair to the side. “He only stepped outside to calm down. Nothing more, okay?”

Sev felt a heavy weight lift from his shoulders and he breathed a sigh of relief. Harry hadn’t abandoned him? Harry just needed a chance to calm down? Harry didn’t want to hurt him? Yup, that all sounded right to Severus. “Ohhhhhhh—wa.” He muttered nonsensically as he released another relieved sigh. Blushing, the infant swiped at his wet eyes.

“Alright? So are we okay now?” Ginny asked, her eyes filled with concern.

Sev nodded, swiping at his nose this time.

The teenager sighed. “Oh, come now! You’re getting your nice clothes dirty.” Ginny summoned one wet and one dry handkerchief and then proceeded to clean up the tears, drool, and snot that had gotten all over the place during Sev’s crying fit. After ordering the infant to blow several times, she banished the hankies and carried Sev upstairs to change him into something a little more comfortable.

“Now…” She sat down on the bed and placed Sev on her lap. “…Harry will be back here in about ten minutes or so. In the meantime, I want you to sit here on the bed and think long and hard about what you did to earn the two swats you’ve got coming.” Sev’s face fell and he hung his head. He felt Ginny lift him and place him in the middle of the bed before standing up. “While you do that, I’ll be right here, doing some work.” With a flick of her wand, all the items on the vanity threw themselves into a box which then pushed itself into a corner as the vanity transfigured into a desk.

Sev watched her sit down to her papers before throwing himself back onto the sheets. The infant’s heartbeat thumped in his ear. The adrenaline coursed through his veins once again. The flips in his stomach flopped back with a vengeance.

He was nervous.

This is ridiculous! It’s two swats. Two swats! What are two swats? They’re nothing. Why am I so nervous?

The sound of the front door closing echoed up the stairs and Sev’s eyes shot towards the bedroom door.

He didn’t want a spanking! Well…if one can call two swats a spanking. It was the principle of the thing, though! He was a thirty-eight year old man in a five month old body. He was too old for a spanking! It’s two swats. What’s there to be afraid of? Severus thought his mind was being ridiculous. Not half an hour ago, he was telling himself he’d take the worst spanking in the world if Harry just came back through the door. Now Harry’s come back through the door and suddenly two swats seemed too overwhelming for him. But that was when I thought Harry was leaving me. Turns out he wasn’t leaving to begin with. He was just stepping out to calm down. So…bloody hell! Severus didn’t want a spanking. That was the truth of the matter. No matter how many swats were involved, he didn’t want one. Who in their right mind would want one anyway?

Severus rolled over onto his stomach and pushed up against the bed. The sound of footsteps against the stairs had him crouching back down into the sheets, though. He wondered idly if he could blend himself into the comforter and disappear completely. God, how he wished he was Teddy right now.

You just don’t like the fact that he found it necessary to give you a spanking. A voice said in his head. Severus also didn’t like the fact that Harry found it necessary to give him that kind of glare, or speak to him in that kind of voice either. Those cold, emotionless notes coming from his caretaker’s mouth sent shivers down his spine. He was used to a happy, smiling Harry, not a cold, unemotional Harry. To know that he, Severus, had been the one to drive Harry to that extreme sent waves of guilt rolling through his body.

Severus heard Harry’s unmistakable footsteps approaching the bedroom door and he screwed his eyes shut, not wanting to see the disappointment in those eyes. He covered his free ear as best he could, not willing to hear the cold, detached voice either.

Severus waited.

Despite his efforts, the sounds of the room managed to filter through his hand and pique his curiosity. The footsteps padded into the room and walked past him to the desk. Sev heard some muted whispers and then someone walked out of the room, the door softly clicking shut behind them. After that, silence filled the space for a few minutes, leaving Sev unsure of what to do. He was certain someone else was in the room with him, but right now he didn’t know if that someone was Harry or Ginny. Suddenly, the mattress dipped beside him, filling Severus with a cold dread. That didn’t feel like Ginny.

“Your feigning sleep act needs work.” Harry whispered through Sev’s hand.

The infant’s eyes flew open. That wasn’t a cold voice! That wasn’t an unemotional, shiver-inducing, detached voice. That voice had a hint of a smile in it! Removing his hand from his ear, and thus his arm from his view, Severus tentatively raised his eyes to meet Harry’s. The teenager was sitting on the bed next to him, giving him a look that betrayed his quiet amusement. “Hello there.” He greeted, a hint of a smile on his face.

Relief flooded through Severus at the sight of that familiar—albeit miniscule—grin, and the infant quickly pushed himself up and dove towards Harry, his arms wide open. “HAWEH!” He cried.

The teenager caught him easily, lifting the child and cradling him in his arms. “Whoa there! Easy now, Severus.”

“Ooo bac!”

“Of course I’m back!” Harry replied, as if that should’ve been obvious. “I never left!” Ten minutes ago, Severus would have begged to differ; so he buried his face in Harry’s shirt and made himself comfortable. “Hold on! Wait a minute, Severus. You and I need to have a talk.”

Sev’s face fell and his stomach started flip-flopping on overdrive as Harry shifted around and sat him on his lap. “Now, do you remember what I said this morning after I told you you would be receiving a five-minute time-out for the ‘kiss-arse’ remark?”

Severus paled. “Now I expect good, polite behavior from you for the remainder of the day. Do I make myself perfectly clear?” He gulped. “Goo…powie…behbor…?”

Harry nodded. “Good, polite behavior. Correct. Now I want you to take a look at this.” He pointed to his cheek, which was starting turn a light shade of purple, as well as his chin, which sported a small cut. “Is this good, polite behavior, Severus?”

The flipping in Sev’s stomach quickly turned into churning. Guilt rolled through his body in waves. He had hurt Harry! He’d bruised and cut his face! Fresh tears flooded his eyes and Sev heard himself sniff. “Uh-uh.” He shook his head sadly and swiped at his wet lashes.

“No, it’s not.” Harry shook his head as well. “Now do you understand why you’re getting this spanking?” The infant sniffed and nodded. “I gave you a warning this morning, you didn’t heed it. Thus, this became warranted.”

He shifted Severus once again until the infant lay face down over his right leg. After making sure he had a nice, firm hold on the baby and that he wouldn’t drop him, Harry gave him a verbal heads-up. “Ready?”

Sev held his breath.

SMACK! Severus heard the first swat before he even felt it. The sharp snap made him flinch and caused the tears in his eyes to start trickling down. Sev felt the guilt in his chest slowly begin to loosen. SMACK! A warmth spread over the cheeks in his face before the warmth in his nether-cheeks even registered. The trickles became streams, and Sev soon realized the more he cried, the more the guilt loosened in his chest. A hand began to rub soothing circles into his back and Harry’s calm-inducing voice began whispering gentle words into his ear.

“It’s over now, Sev. That was it! See? Not too bad, eh, cub?”

Cub! Harry was calling him ‘cub’ again! And he called him ‘Sev’ too! The overwhelming joy made the tears fall down all the harder. When Harry sat him upright again, Sev hugged him as best he could and muttered, “Oweh!” over and over again into his shirt.

Harry hugged him close and laid them both down on the soft comforter. “Shhh…I know you’re sorry. And I’m sorry as well for having to do that. But it’s all forgiven now. Alright, cub? Shhh…” He rubbed the infant’s back, infusing a bit of calming magic into the circles. “Dry those tears now, my boy. It’s all forgiven.” He placed a kiss on Severus’ forehead.

It took Severus about twenty minutes to drain his eyes of his guilt. Harry stayed with him the entire time—holding him in his arms, rubbing his back soothingly, humming nonsense tunes in his ear, and imparting his calming energy to the child. Eventually, the tears dried up, the hiccups subsided, and all the negative feelings drained away until only a calming peace was left in the room.

“Feeling better?” Harry murmured. Sev nodded against his chest.

“Excellent.” The teen sat up. “Oh, but there is one more thing…” The infant gave him a worried look. “Two more things, rather.” He held up a finger. “One, you’re still getting that five-minute time-out. No ifs, ands, or buts.” He held up another finger. “And two, you’re grounded from now ‘til Wednesday. Now that means…no dessert, a seven thirty bedtime, and no Teddy.” Severus gawked at him and opened his mouth to whine. “Ah, ah, ah!” Harry held up a warning finger. “You should have left it at a five-minute time-out before, but you didn’t. You fought tooth and nail for no good reason—other than the fact that you didn’t want a time-out—and ended up with a sore behind and a grounding. So unless you have a very good reason to fight tooth and nail now, I would rethink it quickly.” Sev’s shoulders fell and he sighed in defeat.

“Good choice!” Harry gave the infant another kiss on the head and a poke on the belly, pulling a few giggles from the baby. “Come on, cub! It’s not that bad.” He stood up and began making his way down the stairs. “Sitting on a cushion and staring at the wall doesn’t hurt one bit. It may be dreadfully boring, but that’s about it. I used to do it all the time in Professor Binns’ class. And I’m still alive, aren’t I?” Harry felt Severus snort into his chest as he took the cushion from the couch once again. The teen laid the cushion down in the same corner of the dining room as before and placed Severus down facing the corner. “Now…do I need to remind you as to why you’re in here again?”

“Kiff-aff.” The infant murmured.

“Exactly.” Harry stood up. “Five minutes, Sev.”

“Just be grateful you’re not big enough to have your mouth washed out with soap.” Ginny remarked from the table. “My mum used to do that with all of us—including Harry. ‘Kiss-arse’ would’ve warranted a nice five-minute scrub.” Sev’s eyes widened as he stared at the corner.

After the five minutes were up, and Severus had apologized for making the remark, Harry allowed him out of the corner and put him back in his walker with strict orders not to go into the front yard, side yards, or any other floor without supervision. Other than that, the entire ground floor and back yard were fair game.

As he ran around the living room, Severus swore to himself to never fight one of Harry’s punishments—unless absolutely necessary—ever again. He ended up with a spanking and a half a week’s grounding, and why? Because he didn’t want to sit and stare at a wall for five measly minutes! He had ended up doing that anyway in the end. He should’ve just sat through it to begin with and skipped all the drama completely.

Nice going, Snape! Nice going…

Sev cheered up a bit later in the day when Ginny shared her updated plans for their secret project in the attic. The infant loved them immensely and signed some suggestions for additions that could make the room even better.

The highest point of Sev’s day came when Harry took him upstairs, past the false wall that sectioned off the destroyed half of the second floor, and into the site that would eventually become his bedroom—Harry’s old nursery. At first, Sev’s eyes widened at the amount of destruction he saw there. Not only was most of the roof blown off, but so were the top half of almost all the walls. The windows were completely blown out, the wood splintered, what used to look like a nice bathtub was split in two and cracked everywhere. Damage due to the elements and time showed on everything. The floorboards were rotting, there was mold and moss on every conceivable surface, animals had eaten out the cushions, vines grew around the walls, and birds made their homes in and around the dilapidated furniture.

“This used to be my old nursery.” Harry announced, walking through the farthest doorframe on the right and into a room that offered a sweeping view of the neighboring grove, meadows, and town, considering it was practically missing both of its outer walls as well as its roof. “This was where Voldemort lost his first body…and my mother gave her life.”

Clouds gathered in above them, blocking the sun from view. Severus remembered how his good mood had met with much the same fate. This was where Lily had died. Sev took in the site, his eyes clouded with sadness. This was where his precious flower had ceased to bloom.

Pieces of wood that looked to be from a crib littered the room. Severus spied stuffed animals, a toy broom, and a baby mobile scattered about the floor. They were all discolored, caked in soot and grime. If they had eyes, their eyes no longer shone, but rather stared out at nothing, emotionless, cold. This was a place of death. Yet…it didn’t feel like death lived here.

“Reach out, Severus.” Harry whispered in his ear. “Reach out.”

And reach out Severus did. The birds and the wind and the grove and the trees and the grass and meadows sang to him. His eyes closed and his heart immediately filled with their song. Then…Severus suddenly found himself surrounded by what felt like all the white magic in the world! It was the exact opposite of the Slytherin Common Room. Whereas that place was packed with darkness, this room was saturated with light! Severus felt like he was standing on the surface of the sun; this room felt so bright!

Severus…

Sev’s eyes flew open and he looked around the room frantically.

“Hey, calm down! That’s just my mum.” Harry said, smirking at the infant and adjusting him in his arms.

Lily?! That was Lily?!

“That’s my mum’s magic you feel, Sev. It’s lingered here over the years.”

Oh, Lily…Oh god, Lily! A thought suddenly occurred to him. Lily! Lily, if you can hear me, I’d, um…I—I’d like to tell you something! He looked around the room desperately, trying to ascertain if there was any kind of response. Lily… He sighed. Oh, what did he have to lose anyway? 

Look, Lily…I, um…I got your message today in the cemetery. I know you sent it. I don’t know how you did, but I know it was you. He looked around some more. And I want you to know you’re right. I realized today you were right. I…I didn’t grow up. I—I didn’t…want to grow up. And…by consequence…I didn’t want to give you what you deserved to have. He swallowed. Oh god, Lily! I was a fool! I was a damn fool and you were right to choose Potter over me. He…he gave you everything. He gave you everything you wanted from me. And he gave it to you freely…wholly…completely. Unselfish love.  Severus could feel a familiar stinging in his eyes. I didn’t love you like I thought I loved you. Not back then. I obsessed over you. I wanted to possess you. I didn’t love you; not like I do now. Sev sighed. This was the hardest part for him to admit. Potter loved you then. He loved you like you deserved to be loved. He gave up everything for you because he knew you were worth giving up for. His lips tightened. I knew it too…But Potter chose to act on it whereas I couldn’t find the courage to do so. That courage came later. But by then, you were already gone.

Oh, Lily…Lovely Lily…My sweet flower…Sev fixed his eyes upon a small broken vase on the floor. If I could turn back time and make all the right choices, I would in an instant, but I can’t. I can’t. The tears began to trickling down his eyes. I can’t get you back. I can’t have you anymore. He swiped a hand over his eyes. I can’t be the man in your dreams anymore…which means you can’t be the woman in mine. Sev choked back a sob. I hope you’re happy, Lily! Wherever you are, I hope James is making you happy…You deserve it…And he deserved you…

So now I say goodbye, my love. Sev’s breath hitched in his throat. Goodbye to all that was…And goodbye to all that could have been. The trickling tears turned into streams. I love you, Lily! I love you SO much! I love you now as I always should have loved you! Which is why I must let you go. Sev swallowed past the lump in his throat. I love you too much to keep you.

Goodbye, my love…I hope you and James find happiness wherever you are…

Goodbye, Lily…

Severus buried his face in Harry’s shirt and bawled his eyes out for what seemed like the millionth time that day. He felt his caretaker rub his back, hum a whimsical tune in his ear, and dance him around the room, despite the debris. Finally, after what, again, seemed like forever, Severus calmed down enough to listen to reason.

“Hope springs eternal, Sev.” Harry murmured as they walked out of the room and back towards the livable part of the house. “Remember what the Lady of the Lake told you? Well…hope springs eternal.”

The Lady of the Lake?

“She will come back to you…sooner than you think…”

Lily?!

“Hope springs eternal, Sev.”

Oh yeah! It was the highlight of his day.